Shame No More

I would lie if I say I have never had comments on what someone looked like. Or maybe the way someone walked. Or talked. Or the clothes they wore. Or maybe the hair style, or make-up. Or the fact that the person was too heavy. Or too skinny. Yes, I have made comments on that. I am only human and I think each and every one of us make comments like those I have just mentioned above.

One thing I can say for sure is that I have never shamed anyone for who they are, where they come from, what they look like, how they talk, how they walk. We are all different. We all have our habits, the way we do things, the way we talk. Some of us have accents, others lisp and some of us cannot roll our R’s, like me. Some people are very thin and no matter how much they eat, they just stay thin. Others gain wait almost by only looking at food. Some of us have never had any operations, but others carry ugly scars. Some women who had children have beautiful bodies, no scars, no stretch marks at all. Others have stretch marks even though they have used vitamin E oil and other supplements from the moment they decided that they wanted to become pregnant.

There are people out there who like to bring others down. Who like to make negative comments and hurt others. Why do they do that? If you are a person who take another’s feelings into consideration, you probably cannot comprehend why those negative people cannot just keep their thoughts to themselves. Why they have to bring others down. But, my opinion is, that many of those negative people do it because it makes them feel better about themselves. It diverts the attention away from them and towards the person they are shaming.

But, I want to mention a different kind of body shaming. This of course is not what body shaming is about but this is what came to mind with this prompt. The kind where you shame yourself. Think about those moments you stand in front of the mirror and you think ugly things about yourself. About your body, about your hair, about your face. Maybe you even mumble those ugly things to yourself. And by thinking or saying those ugly things, you bring yourself down.

I do that. I stand in front of the mirror and look at my tummy, look at the scar on it, look at the roundness of my belly and my bottom and I call myself a fat cow. It makes me feel bad, it sets the tone for my day. Sometimes for several days. Something else I do is that when I know we are going to meet new people and I will be naked, I tell them about the scar on my belly. I worry about being overweight and wonder whether that would put them off. Sometimes I even do this during a date, thinking about they probably think that I am a fat cow. That always brings me in a bad frame of mind and during such a moment I have to fight to bring myself back into positivity.

A photo where I’m masturbating in a hotel window, with the city in the background. When I first looked at this photo, I decided that it would never be published on this blog.
Until I wrote this post…
(click to enlarge)

When I discuss these things with Master T, He always says that He doesn’t see the problem. That He likes me the way I am. That I should stop bringing myself down the way I do. That there are people out there who like me just the way I am. When I showed Him the photo I intended to add to this post, His reaction was: “That’s an incredibly beautiful photo.”
I told Him what my post was about and again He looked at the photo and then said: “I don’t see the problem. I see a hot woman enjoying herself.”

I know these things He constantly repeats, but still I have my totally off days on which I keep on bringing myself down. Oh, I am not as bad anymore as I once was. There were times where I kept on bringing myself down for weeks. Months maybe. I have come a long way since then and have mainly accepted myself the way I am, including my scars and slight overweight, but unfortunately I still have my off days. On those days I might be an easy target for the nasty ‘shamers’ out there.

I always return to being happy with myself. To accepting myself the way I am. And the time between two spells of not feeling good about myself gets longer. So, generally I can say that I am happy with myself, that I accept myself, that I accept that I do not have a perfect body. And frankly, I prefer my body with its curves and history written on it. I just have to stop having moments in which I bring myself down and feel ashamed about what I look like! It’s time to have shame no more and be proud of who I am!

© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday

20 thoughts on “Shame No More

  1. Such a thought provoking post. I often look in the mirror and feel that I’m too big, or I’ve lost my curves my bum is horrid etc since following bloggers like yourself I have been inspired to start my new blog and it’s really helped to overcome my body shame. Not sure how I’ll cope with others body shaming if they do but hey won’t think like that.
    You look fab in that photo H

    1. Since I have started blogging and follow fellow bloggers, I have learned to accept myself. Yes, I still have my bad days, but mainly I am happy with myself. Thanks so much for your lovely comment 🙂

  2. I was nodding in agreement with you right the way through this. My thought processes work exactly the same way when it comes to my body. You have expressed in words so well how, I suspect, many women think and feel!

    ~Mia~ xx

    1. I think indeed that there are a lot of women like you and me out there, doing the same as we do, feeling the same. We should all just work on accepting ourselves as we are, to see the beauty of us!

      Rebel xox

  3. You’re so right. Sometimes we judge ourselves more severely than other people would. I think it’s in our nature to look at ourselves objectively. In fact, reading this, I’ve tried to recall a time when I’ve looked in the mirror and thought ‘I look good/hot!’ – and I can’t! That’s not to say I’m overly negative when I view myself, more that I see what could be improved. Something to work on, methinks! Jane xxx

    1. I have times where I look in the mirror, at my face, and find every fault there is to find. And other times I look at myself and think: ‘you’re damn okay’. I have my terribly negative days, but not that much anymore and it does not last more than a few hours anymore. Like you say, something to work on 🙂 xox

  4. I have the same issues and I have better days than others in this regard. Thank you so much for sharing you struggle….Even when I was younger, slimmer and firmer I still did not feel beautiful……Thanks!

    1. I know, I had the same struggles when I was younger, fully trained and thin and with a lovely body. I guess it’s something that’s in us and we struggle whether we’re perfect in the eyes of others or not.

  5. Wonderfully expressed . . . and feel exactly as you put it in your last paragraph!!!
    And . . . having just read your comment on Penny’s post, I am left admiring you even more!!!
    Xxx – K

  6. You are an incredibly beautiful woman both inside and out. I totally understand your post and the way you feel. I have amazing resilience when it comes to the views of others. I am pretty shameless in what I do and how I behave and yet I can reduce myself to tears about my looks. I wouldn’t take that from anyone else or do it to anyone else.

    1. Thank you so much for your beautiful words, Honey. I really want to meet you as soon as it can be arranged! Someone told me your’re wonderful, and I believe her 🙂

  7. Beautifully written, Rebel!

    I think a lot of us have issues with negative self talk, I certainly do. Sometimes it’s about my body as well, or just about myself in general (I think I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc.) As you described, I too change the thoughts & make them positive, but it’s a constant struggle. I think even people with what others consider “perfect bodies” struggle. And it doesn’t help that society values women based on their looks above all.

    You are perfect the way you are, and the photo you took the courage to post is absolutely beautiful!

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