Your kink is not my kink or YKINMK.
Back when we just started exploring the BDSM community, I frequently came across this acronym but at first I had no idea what it was for. Whenever I see something that I want to know about, I turn to Google to search for explanations and information. I quickly learned that, for me, YKINMK fell into exactly the same category as ‘accept someone as he/she is’, which has been my motto for a great part of my adult life. With this I do not say that the behavior of some people never irks me. Hey, I am just a human too, and I too sometimes judge people on the outside, without getting to know them. But, with age comes wisdom (we hope) and therefore I always try to put things into perspective, to accept people the way they ware, to understand that every person has good and bad in him/her.
So, when I came across the term YKINMK, and learned what those words stand for, I immediately agreed. It’s true, in all levels of life, whether vanilla or kinky, we all have our own preferences. And we should respect each other for that. That other people like needle play and I don’t, doesn’t mean that I should not socialize with them. I love when Master T uses a speculum on me, but I understand that other women might not be into this at all, and that is okay.
Actually, you know, I came across some kinky people long before I really became part of the kinky community. About 12 or 13 years ago there was someone who told me how he would drink liters and liters of water during the day and others would too. Then in the evening he had a date and he told me how they would piss over each other. I am totally not into piss play, but I just listened to him and nodded and accepted that it’s his way of doing things, not mine. So I guess that I had YKINMK in mind long before I even knew that there was a term to describe this.
Like I said above, I am no saint. I definitely get irritated with the stupid little manners of some people. I sometimes question why people do things a specific way, but I would never confront someone with what I think is stupid manners or ask them why they do things in a different way from how I would. I let people be, accept that each of us do things our own way. Yes, I also accept this of people I do not like.
What really, but really irritates me, is when people are attacked for who they are or the way they do things. What gives other people the right to attack them? Why can’t there be more respect between people? Why can’t some people just respect others? Accept that we are not all the same? Understand that you do not have to like the things others do and that if you like something, others are not obliged to like it too. No, there are people who think they have the right to judge others and when they are judged? Oh boy, then all hell break lose.
The one place where I see this, is on Fetlife. So many times very interesting questions were answered seriously, but then there are always people on there that start attacking either the author of the question or the commenters. And before you know, it’s not about kink anymore, but you have the feeling that you have ended up in a kindergarten. It’s like those people have never heard of respect, have never heard of YKINMK. I never get involved in any of the conversations – partly because I am afraid of being attacked too. Yes, cowardly, but so be it.
I have said it many times on this blog, and I will probably say it many times more: respect each other, accept that we are different people, that we like different things, that we cannot all be the same. If there have been more respect for each other’s beliefs, belongings and culture, most probably there would have been a bigger chance on world peace. We all should start with ourselves. It takes some effort, but really it is rather freeing to just accept that we are all different. And if you don’t like someone? You still do not have to shame them for whatever reason, you can just be polite and move on. Really, it won’t hurt you.
Okay, I’m almost ready to get off my soapbox. I did not mean to preach and this was totally not what I had in mind for this post, but after seeing a conversation on Fetlife tonight… well, I just had to get this off my chest. I just needed to air my thoughts some place where I knew I would not be attacked for the fact that I had something to say…
In all walks of life, whether vanilla or kinky, whether at home or at work, whether in the shops or in a holiday resort – just understand that we cannot all be the same. If we were, just think at what a damn dull place the world would have been!
© Rebel’s Notes
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