About a month before our next erotic massage date with Master B, I received my new set of exercises. The moment I read what I had to do, I panicked. Immediately I told Master B how this exercise made me feel and how I don’t like having all attention directed at me. That evening Master T read the messages between Master B and me and He did not see any problem with the exercises I have been given. In fact, He informed me that He and Master B had a conversation about how I would be punished for my disobedience and disrespect towards Master B.
I apologized to Master B and set out to concentrate on the exercises he has given me.
Stand with your arms next to your body and hold on to your hips. Your fingers point forward and they do this until told otherwise.
Move the palm of your hand in three, small, firm circles over your hips. At the same time you move your hips in a turning motion, while at the same time bending your knees slightly. Don’t stop moving your hips while your hand, fingers still pointing forward, move up over the sides of your body. Next to your breasts you turn your hands so you fingers point downward. Now push your breasts forward. Your fingers close around your breasts but do NOT touch your nipples!
Once you have shown off your hard nipples, your hands move down the sides of your body, fingers pointing forward again. Bend your knees slightly.
Your hands move to the front of your mons and your cunt. Place your thumbs on your mons, your fingers in the fold of your legs. Lean backwards and try to open your cunt with your fingers to show it to the spectators. Keep this position for several seconds. After all, it’s up to you to show everyone that you want to be fucked by a hard cock.
Slowly your hands move back to your hips and the exercise start over again.
It was not only the fact that I had to practice these exercises and perform them for both Master T and Master B. It was also because Master B informed me that there would be two other men present on our next date, which meant that I had to perform in front of four men. That is what made me go into a total panic and had me ranting towards Master B. While I typed those words to him in short messages, I started doubting the fact that I was going in against what he had given me as a task and I told him that I would try this, that I would practice but that I just wanted him to know my thoughts on this and how I feel about performances. Needless to say, by the time I realized I had said too much and I started backtracking, it was too late already, which was yet again proved when Master T informed me that evening that I would be punished.
Why did I react the way I did?
I can feel very insecure about my body. Strangely enough, mostly I feel insecure and nervous when I think about an upcoming situation, but once I am in the situation the nerves are gone and I don’t even think about any insecurities, which are caused mostly by the scar on my stomach and a but by the fact that I am a bit overweight. Once I am in the situation I just do what is expected of me. I know all of this is part of the mindfuck before a playdate, but damn, I get so nervous. Each time I have to give up control, I feel the same nerves again and each time I am in the situation where the masters take control, I do not feel any nerves, but just submit myself to them.
I think what I need – and want – to learn, is to remember not to react immediately when the I have a ‘nerve attack’ and to remember that even though I am nervous before something is about to happen, the nerves normally disappear when that something is actually happening. Maybe keeping this in mind would help me to be less nervous before dates.
I will learn… eventually.
PS: Unfortunately, due to personal circumstances, the date had to be postponed to later in the year. I have stopped with the exercises until Master B tells me to start again. And I know, then the mindfuck will start all over again.
© Rebel’s Notes