Reading Jade’s intro post on this week’s subject for Kink of the Week, my thoughts immediately jumped to the recent punishment I had.
It was on the evening before our most recent date and I was feeling excited and nervous. Feelings rushed through me. Feelings of expectation. Feelings of ‘fear’ for the unknown. I was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, when Master T came home from His work. He stood with me in the kitchen and we talked about our days. Every now and then I literally jumped up and down with excitement. Twice I stood in front of Him, hugged Him and kissed Him. Both these times He smiled at my excitement. The third time I stood in front of Him in my bouncy state, I saw something change in His eyes.
“Oh no,” I said and backed away.
“I see it in your eyes, Mynheer. I know I should calm down and I will.”
I just knew that if I did not calm down, I will be punished. Two hours later I was sitting across the table from Master T, painting my nails because I wanted them to look nice for our date the next day. There was a song on the radio and I started to sing along. A surge of nervous happiness or happy nervousness ran through my body. I bounced my head from side to side, acting silly while singing. Master T glanced at me once. I laughed out loud and then acted even sillier.
“Go upstairs and put your plug in. One hour,” He said.
“No, please Mynheer, no please, I will behave.”
Not long after I was sitting on the couch. Plugged. Sulking. Moody. Teary-eyed. I hate being punished. I hate disappointing Master T. I choked on my tears, not wanting to show my mood, afraid of being punished even more.
— Marie A. Rebelle (@RebelsNotes) October 25, 2013
I was relieved when the hour was over and the plug could come out. Since the plug went in and for the rest of the evening, I was calm and relaxed. I guess this means the punishment had effect.
To me punishment is about His leadership. His ownership. His training me to be the sub He want me to be, to obey His every wish. If my jumpiness had nothing to do with our D/s relationship, like say if I was jumpy because I was very excited about new dresses I bought, Master T would have laughed and just let me be jumpy and happy and acting silly. But the moment it has something to do that is directly related to the D/s part of our relationship, He expects a certain kind of dignity from me and acting silly is not part of that. Hence the punishment. What I got out of the above punishment is that part of my nervousness disappeared and I calmed down and could think straight again.
When I have been punished, I tend to behave for quite some time before it is necessary to punish me again. In the past, I had some of these jumpy moments in bed, also because of being nervous for something that was about to happen the next day. On a couple of occasions Master T had ordered me to sleep with my Njoy large, which had stolen quite some sleep from me because of the weight of the plug. I have also once been punished where I had to wear my medium plug to work for an entire day. No matter how much I like my butt plug, I definitely do not like wearing it when I am punished. Actually, this is the most effective way to punish me.
I asked Master T what He gets out of punishing me.
“Satisfaction,” He immediately answered.
“Satisfaction? In which way?” I asked.
“Satisfaction because when I punish you for something you have not done or have not done right, I get satisfaction because you are reminded that I am your Master.”
Yes, sometimes I need Him to remind me what my place is, and I would not want it to be any other way.
© Rebel’s Notes