I was naked and watching Master T as He unpacked the bag He had brought with Him. The dreadful new clamps appeared. I winced, but managed to hide it well when He looked at me. When the speculum came out of the bag I moaned, which earned me a sharp look from Him. In my head I was screaming: “No, not the speculum. Not here. Please, no!”
“Something wrong?” Master T asked and I shook my head, but I could not help glancing at the speculum and back at Him. I hoped that my eyes would warn Him that I was not ready for this, but in my heart I knew that even if He saw my reluctance, He was the one who would decide whether it would happen or not. Seeing His eyes, seeing His determinations, I knew it was inevitable. The speculum would be used, whether I wanted it in this setting or not.
I felt incredibly self-conscious when Master T ordered me to lie down on the special table. I hooked my legs over the special leg rests and He tied them down. He pivoted the leg rest sideways, spreading my legs wider. My ass was on the edge of the table, my pussy exposed and ready. My pussy was ready, my mind was not. I felt vulnerable. Not calm.
The cold steel of the speculum slowly entered my pussy. He pushed it inside, pulled it out and pushed it inside again, a bit further than it was before. Once inside, Master T slowly opened it, checking with me whether I still feel comfortable. Once I felt the burning feeling where my muscles resisted too much against the intrusion, I held up my hand to motion for Him to stop. My other arm was covering my eyes. I did not want to see anything. I was like a child, thinking if I could not see the rest of the room, the rest of the room would not be able to see me either. I did not want to see or know who else would look deep inside me. I did not mind Master T seeing me opened up like this. I love knowing He can look so deep inside me, love knowing that He opens me up, that He can touch me deep inside and see exactly where He touches me. I love being this exposed for Him.
However, I was not ready yet to share this intimate kink with anyone else. Master T was. I had to be ready because He was. I felt shy. I wanted to hide. I could not hide my body, but I could hide my face. The arm over my eyes hid my embarrassment away from the others. I was aware of nothing else but my own embarrassment, my own feeling of wanting to hide. Yet, there was something else. I wanted to hide, but I wanted to please Master T too.
My pussy completely opened up, I felt His finger on my clitoris. He was standing next to me, trying to see my face. There was a battle raging on in my mind. I tried to find the peace, to give my body and my mind to Him, to just submit to Him, His mind and His hand, but it was difficult. All the time I asked myself: what will they think? Will they think we are weird? Should I mind if they do? What if they don’t like what we are doing? Would they distance themselves from us? So many negative thoughts consumed my brain. I hardly felt the sensations Master T was stirring in my clitoris. My thoughts were overpowering everything.
I made a huge effort to push the negative thoughts away. I told myself that we cannot all be the same. Being kinky does not mean we all like the same things. There might even be more differences between people than similarities. I had to tell myself that they would not distance themselves from us just because we might have a kink they don’t share. I knew that what I as thinking was stupid, irrational. I knew it came from my fear of being rejected. It was only when I told myself that this was our kink and it does not have to be someone else’s, that we are in a place where we respect others for who they are and they respect us for who we are, that I could relax and allow my body to work towards an orgasm.
© Rebel’s Notes