No is not enough

Needy. Horny. More needy than horny.

Life happened. A huge fight in our house had upset the balance in our daily lives. Not a fight between Master T and me though. We have never had a fight for as long as we are together. But I am digressing.

The balance had returned and with it, my lust. My need. It had been too long.

no1In bed I impulsively told Master T that I was horny, that I was in need. He knew immediately what I meant. I was lying on my right side, facing Him. I really wanted Him to touch me, but I felt I had already said too much.
“Show me where you want to be touched,” He said.
“No,” I said, “I am going to sleep.”
I really regretted telling Him about my need. My eyes were closed, but I heard Him switch off the television, take His glasses off and I felt Him turning on His left side to face me. He reached for my left breast.

I winced and writhed when He instantly pinched my nipple. Hard. I moaned. I turned my head into the pillow to muffle the sounds coming from my throat. He held on tight. I moaned louder. I tried to get away but He only tightened His grip. I tried to pry open His fingers to release my nipple, but to no avail. My sounds escaped into the pillow. I was panting when at last He let go of my nipple. I felt Him reach for the right nipple, but held my arms in front of my breasts. He tried to push them aside, but I fought Him. I pushed His hand away. Pushed it away again. Fought Him. Moaned. Pushed. Fought.

He broke through my defense. My right nipple was caught in a vice grip between his thumb and forefinger. I tried to get away, then tried to push it into His hand to see whether He would ease His grip. Nothing worked. My face was buried in my pillow again. I wanted to cry, but there were no tears. I fought Him harder than before. I wanted to get away from the pain. In my head there was a thought that kept on repeating itself: do not do this to me because I asked, but do it because you want to do it. It was like a chant: Over and over and over I repeated those words in my head.

Somehow the words started to faint. Something was happening in my head. The hurt was still there, I was still trying to get away from it. The words were still there, but they started to faint, until they suddenly stopped. There was room in my head for me to process the pain. The pain seemed to lessen, even though He did not loosen His grip. The fight in me changed to surrender. I relaxed, leaning into the pain that He was causing. I allowed the pain, accepted it, embraced it. I became aware of the wetness between my legs. My body relaxed, my moans of pain turned to moans of passion. With one last hard pinch, He let go of my right nipple.

I was out of breath.
“Turn on your back,” He said.
Obediently, I did. I was not fighting Him anymore. The pain returned to my nipples once I was on my back.

No more fighting.

Only acceptance.

And submission.

To His will.

After an hour in which that point was proven over and over again, I was sore in many places, but smiling and feeling extremely satisfied.

Even though I had asked for it, I knew He would not have touched me if He did not want to.

© Rebel’s Notes

21 thoughts on “No is not enough

  1. Sometimes you just want them to be able to read your mind really but you are correct in your assertion that if he didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t do it.

  2. Powerful story! It reminds me of how, sometimes I think or say I want things that I don’t, and what I really need is something that I just need the other person to know or intuit about. How the person responds to me in my vulnerable states and requests really ends up making or breaking the whole event for me. If that makes sense…. lol. 🙂

    1. It does make sense to me. We all are quite complicated creatures and I think it takes the right person to understand us.

      Rebel xox

  3. I love the way you’ve described your thought processess in this piece. Explained how pain evolves and changes. What happened when you embraced it. Incredibly moving. Jane xxx

  4. I find it interesting that people want something, make mention of it, then when another person makes a move to fulfill that desire the person what wants it feels (humm looking for the right word here)
    More than once I have had a partner tell me they were horny but when I made a move in that direction It was like hitting a brick wall. I am baffled at this behavior, if I want something I ask or take it. I do not understand this.
    Great write and I appreciate you giving a bit more insight into this great mystery

    1. I have always been like this. When I ask for something, it is something I want. But I would not want the person who I am asking to give it to me, to give it to me only because I want it. I want that person to want it too. Otherwise there is no way for me to enjoy when I get what I want.

      Am I still making sense?

      I guess this is just something that is part of my submissive nature. I have never been able to ask for what I want without feeling ‘guilty’ or in the very least self-conscious and insecure for asking.

  5. Sir always says “If you don’t ask, you may not get” but that is usually in regard to a specific act. He would never want to leave me wanting though He will dictate how that happens 🙂

    ~Kazi xxx

    1. That’s the best and something I sometimes forget: He ditcates. I clearly forgot it that night, until the moment I remembered 🙂

      Rebel xox

  6. YES!!! this is something i had to be trained t understand. I would had such a struggle learning it, trying not to tell carter my desires, because i did not understand that knowing what i wanted did not change what he wanted.
    Thank you for writing this, i agree with silverdrop, it sums up BDSM so well.

    1. I think I will have more of these experiences, where I tell Him what I want and then regret it, but then realizing that He won’t do anything if He does not want to do it. He decides always, and that is something I sometimes forget. Thanks for your comment 🙂

  7. Ohh – feeling those nips and getting wet between my legs as well reading it! As Silverdrop says a great example of the BDSM dynamic.

    ~MIa~ xx

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