During the orgasm race, at times I felt guilty that I can climax quite easily and have multiple orgasms, but others seem to have so much problems to even get to one orgasm. On the same day I was discussing this on Twitter with one of the other competitors in the orgasm race, my best friend said more or less the same thing in an email she sent me. She cannot get off with her husband, but she can have multiple orgasms when she does it herself. For me it’s the other way around: when I masturbate, I have to really do my best to get to more than one orgasm, but when Master T rubs my clitoris or fingers me, I climax over and over until it’s an enormously glorious wet mess.
This, as well as thinking about the different women I have been with, made me wonder whether there is any literature on this. I found some and I will list what I have found at the end of this post, so you can read the full articles. However, I want to highlight some of the things from the articles and give my opinion on that.
Quoting from the article When Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm:
A woman should never feel pressured into having an orgasm by society, by the man in her life, or even by reading this article. When it comes to sex, pressure has just the opposite of the intended effect . . . even if the person putting the pressure on you is you, yourself. If you’re desperate to have an orgasm, that desperation is only going to make it tougher for you to achieve orgasm. The most important step in becoming orgasmic is learning to relax. And, if you really don’t ever want to have an orgasm, then that’s okay, too, as long as you are honest with yourself, and you don’t just say that because you think that you can’t learn.
Reading the first part of this quote, I wondered whether the orgasm race might have had the wrong effect on those who cannot easily reach a climax? I know I thought about orgasms a lot more during the race, but it did not make me feel any pressure as I don’t have problems to reach a climax. But for those who cannot easily reach orgasm, what about them? If they focused on orgasms as much as I did, would it not have made it more difficult for them to reach their orgasms?
From the article Can’t Orgasm? Here’s Help for Women, I quote:
The first and most important lesson is to practice developing a balance of tension and relaxation during sexual activity.
… and …
The type of tension that helps women reach orgasm is muscle tension (myotonia). Many women have the mistaken impression that they should relax and “just lie there” because they’ve heard that relaxation during sex is important. But it turns out that muscle tension is often necessary for an orgasm.
… and …
So, where’s the relaxation part of this equation? In the brain. During sex, a woman should be focused simply on feeling the sensations of the stimulation.
The above I recognized immediately. When I masturbate, I love to lie on my back, my legs spread and bent, my feet together. I want to be propped up on a pillow and able to see myself. I love to be naked and to look at my body. My mind is empty, all I think about is me, my hand, my body. All I see is myself. All other thoughts are banned from my head. I spread my legs as wide as possible and the more I tense the muscles in my legs, the stronger my orgasm will be. Funnily enough, when I told my best friend this, she told me that she is totally the opposite: she has to press her legs together, her hand between her legs and only then she can reach her orgasm. If she spreads her legs, it’s a no go for her.
Now I know I am one of the lucky ones. I can orgasm easily, but I have evidence around me of women who just cannot reach an orgasm that easily, whether they do it themselves or not. And some of them just have to do it themselves, as a man cannot bring them to orgasm. I can orgasm quite quickly, but for other women it takes quite some time and work before they are able to reach a climax. I can have multiple orgasms; other women can have only one and then have to recover for quite some time before they can have another. Yes, women’s bodies are very different, just like, I suppose, that of men.
So when I have multiple orgasms, do each and every orgasm leave me spent and satisfied, the way only one orgasm might leave women who can reach only one? No, it does not. Multiple orgasms are a lot of ‘smaller’ orgasms, which might or might not release some fluids, but always leaves me panting and craving for more. It’s like my body is building up to something bigger, but needs smaller releases to get there. Oh, do not get me wrong, a small orgasm can be very satisfying and depending the circumstances, I can be very happy with only one of those. However, when Master T is the one bringing me to the one orgasm after the other, I want more and more and it builds up to a point where I just need a major orgasm. To have one of those, I either need simultaneous anal and clitoral stimulation, or I spread my legs wide, tense my muscles and ignore all urges for smaller releases. The signs of a major orgasm is when my nipples harden, my inner thighs tingle, my stomach tighten and then all of those feelings explode in my pussy, leaving me spent and not able to handle any kind of touch for minutes after.
I would love to hear from other women about their orgasms, or from the men out there, how their special ladies climax. And, are male orgasms as diverse as female orgasms?
- I’ve never had an orgasm with a man
- Five Things You Should Know About the Female Orgasm
- 10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms
- The 9 Types Of Orgasms
- Understanding the female orgasm
© Rebel’s Notes
The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was “O”
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