Sharing (y)our lifestyle choices


“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. ”
― Erma Bombeck

Journal prompt from the Submissive Guide:
What advice would you give to someone preparing to tell a family member of friend about their lifestyle choices?

I saw this prompt the day after the Virgin meeting, the first Dutch meeting for Erotic Meet Creative Arts and it immediately made me think of the conversation we had the evening before. The people there knew about the nature of the relationship between my Husband and me. We also spoke about our family situations. One of the men asked me whether we have told our kids about our D/s relationship. I answered that we did not and would not either. Of course the question came: but why not?

I explained that I do not just want to ‘dump’ the information on my kids. It is common knowledge that kids normally do not want to know that their parents are still having sex, so just going ahead and telling them about our kinky lifestyle might just be far too much for them to handle. But… if they come to us and ask us questions, we will answer the questions in all honesty. But then… ONLY the questions. We will not volunteer any information, but rather wait for another question. That way the kid asking the questions will be the one who determines just how much he or she wants to know.

I think one of the most difficult things is telling someone very close to you about your kinky lifestyle. Or rather, I find it difficult. I think that even IF my kids get to the point where they ask questions, it will be difficult to tell them. But I will, because I just don’t want to lie to them. If my mom asks questions, it might be a bit easier to tell her. This is only because of some things I know about her, and she knows that I know.

Telling friends is easier. More or less…

Not so long ago the security guard and his girlfriend visited us. We started a conversation in the pub, but since other people seemed to be listening too, we decided to continue the conversation at home. We shared some of the nature of our relationship with them. Since we have confided in the security guard some time ago, he wanted to know more. This was the first time we had the opportunity to talk again. They had questions and they told us about their relationship and they way they would like it to develop. It seems that they want dominance and submission to be part of their relationship too, but they have little knowledge about the lifestyle.

We told them about the night when our D/s relationship became a fact. Master T ordered me to show them my tattoo, which still is a symbol of my Love, Submission and Commitment. I looked at Him, not sure whether He really wanted me to do it. I was wearing leggings with a long top over it and it would have meant that I had to pull my leggings down on one side to show them. Master T was serious. He wanted me to show them. I hesitated for one more second and then pulled my leggings down to show them. They instantly realized that the symbol in the tattoo has a meaning. The security guard said that it looked like a yin-yang symbol, but somehow different. When I told them that it is the symbol for BDSM, they wanted to know if it’s our symbol for BDSM or if other people practicing BDSM uses this symbol too. We assured them that this is the symbol for the BDSM community. It was clear that they knew almost nothing about the lifestyle.

Somewhat later in the conversation we spoke about the rules that we have in our relationship. My nipple charms were mentioned. The conversation went on, but Master T pulled it back to the nipple charms, asking the security guard and his girlfriend whether they knew what it was. I must admit, I did not see it coming. They did not know what it was. Master T ordered me to show them. I looked at Him. It was clear that this was an order, not a request.
“Show them,” He said.
I sat on the edge of the couch, looked at both of our visitors and tried to see from their faces whether they would be shocked if I just exposed my breast.
“I’m waiting,” Master T said and I immediately moved. After a deep breath, I pulled my shirt up, pushed my bra down and exposed my left breast.

They both leaned closer, not shocked at all but very interested in the charm around my nipple. They wanted to know how it stays on. I pulled the charm off and gave it to them to see and feel it. When they gave it back, I showed them how I put it on. The man and woman were not only intrigued by the charm, but also by the fact that I obeyed Master T. He explained that I would also obey if He told me to get naked. But He did not give the order and to be honest, I was relieved.

Telling the security guard and his girlfriend more about our relationship was quite easy. Following Master T’s orders was a bit awkward and it was only the next morning that I felt proud that I did indeed follow His orders. I would like to tell this man and woman a lot more and maybe eventually show them my website, but for now Master T has just sent them links so they can read more about the BDSM lifestyle. I still feel a bit awkward about them reading my blog. I want them to know more about the lifestyle before they see my blog. More conversations will follow and I will know when and if the time is right to give them the link to my writings.

It’s very nice to have people to share things about our relationship, but I understand now that it is much better to wait until people either express their interest in dominance and/or submission, or when people ask specific questions. This is better than to just shower people with information they might not want to hear.

If anyone has another opinion or another way they handle this, I would love to hear about it…

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #Christmas, which is a time of sharing.
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