30 Days of Submission: Day 29

Continued from… Day 28

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Humiliation is not part of my submission. Spankings and pain are.

I don’t think that humiliation will ever be a part of our D/s relationship. I do not look negatively upon humiliation in other D/s relationships at all, but it is just not something that fits into our relationship. Master T has His own way of doing things. Sometimes when He asks me to assume a specific position, I do feel embarrassed, but never humiliated.

I have a love-hate relationship with spankings. I love the idea of them and I feel excited when I know that I will be spanked or flogged. But each time I feel the pain on my ass, I hate it. I fight it. I want no more. Up to a point. It then is as if something that blocked me from giving in to the pain just disappears. It is then that I feel floaty, feel happy, need and want more pain. Then again, I love the aftermath of a spanking. I love when Master T takes me in his arms and comforts me. When he lets me cry and he kisses me through my tears. It makes me feel so little and so safe and so wanted and sexy… All at the same time!

I embrace spankings as part of my submission. Not only do I embrace them, I need them. When I go without a spanking for too long, I start to crave them. I will tease Master T to see whether I can provoke Him into spanking me. Unfortunately this does not always work, as He decides when and where a spanking will take place. He is not easily provoked. Sometimes I dream that Master T would just call out a number and I will know that I will be spanked that many times that evening. And in my dreams, I am spanked every night… And have the most beautiful marks on my ass!

As for pain as part of my submission… yes, I need that too. And crave it. Many nights I lay in bed next to Master T and feel my nipples begging to be touched, to be pinched, to be hurt. But I always know that I have to be patient. He decides what happens and when it does. And He knows exactly when I need it the most…

To be continued… Day 30

© Rebel’s Notes

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