They are reading the book!

This post is a continuance of the Kink Shame & Pride that started with a post of Emily at I Like Chocolate, He Likes Vanilla. Feel free to join in with your own thoughts, even as a post on your own blog or commenting on this or other ‘Kink Shame’ posts.


The above tweets were placed over the course of a day that we all spent together as a family. A day on which unavoidably the book of Fifty Shades was discussed several times.

I asked: What would you do if one of your girlfriends tell you she is in a relationship like this with her boyfriend/husband?
She answered, giggling: She will become my best friend!

You would have thought that it would have been the perfect opportunity to come clean. To just tell about our D/s relationship.

So why didn’t I?

Because there were more people than only her in the room? Yes.
Because I was afraid of her reaction? Yes.
Because I was afraid of the reaction of my other family members? Yes, for sure.
Even though one of those family members and I were in agreement that we should not judge others for the way they live their lives? Yes, even then.

Am I ashamed of our D/s relationship? No, definitely not.

In fact, I am very proud of the relationship I am in. I’ve had my share of bad and failed relationships. Master T. is the man who tamed me, without making me feel restricted. He is the one who has set me free. He is the one who allowed me to be myself and allowed me to get to know myself. He taught me to accept myself for who I am, including my kinks. He is the one who had me on my knees long before I realized it.

So why did I not tell her about our D/s relationship?

I guess because I did not want to shock her. Because somehow I think she might accept it about a friend of hers, but not about her mom. Kids don’t want to know these kind of things about their parents, right? Heck, my mom was in the room too and she hinted at having had a very kinky sex life, and I silenced her because I did not want to know it. I think I am hesitating to tell about my own kinky life because I don’t think it will be accepted. I think it is easier to accept it about your friends than to accept it about someone as close to you as a parent or a kid.

And why is that?

I have no idea. Maybe it depends on the way we grew up? My upbringing was very conservative. Sex was something that was not spoken about. Sexual desires… well they did not exist if you did not talk about it, right? But I knew my mother and father had sex. And I knew that my mom was kinky in her way. And it did not gross me out. Not back then and if I am really honest, not now either. I just don’t want to HEAR about it, but it does not gross me out to know it. I found naked photos of my mom when I was a child. That did not gross me out, but awakened quite an interest in me. And it deepened the interest I already had for sex.

So maybe I am not talking to relatives about my kinky side because I would not be able to handle it if I know they are grossed out by it? I don’t want them to be grossed out by me? Or my thinking? I don’t want them to disrespect me? Will they disrespect me if I tell them? Will I ever tell them? Will I ever come clean?

I just don’t know…

© Rebel’s Notes

2 thoughts on “They are reading the book!

  1. I’m not sure if it has to do with upbringing. My mom raised me with lots of open discussion about sex. I thought about coming out kinky to her. That is, until she read 50 Shades. I kinda outed myself because I got all up in arms saying how it painted a bad picture of BDSM. Her response was something along the lines of “something is wrong with people that do that.” She’s open minded and used some handcuffs back in her younger years, but she has a “my kink is okay, yours is not” attitude to BDSM. I argued that nothing was wrong with people who enjoy it, from which she assumed I was. She just doesn’t know to what extent. After finding out she’d think I was screwed in the head if I told her, I’ve decided it’s best to keep my mouth shut.

    As for telling my son, I don’t think I’ll ever explain our relationship as *our* relationship, but I may have talks with him about how consenting adults have many different types of interests and relationships. I wouldn’t want him going through life with the same opinion as my mother, even if he never knows that mommy and daddy fall into that category.

    1. Ah, I can see why you would rather not tell your mom, indeed. Especially after she reacted the way she did. I don’t think I will ever tell my mom about my kinky side. She suspects quite a lot and I will just keep her guessing. As for telling my kids, yes, I think the way you want to handle it is probably better. To just let them know that there are lots of kinds of relationships out there and that they should just respect people’s choices, especially if those choices harm no one else. Thanks for your interesting comment!

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