30 Days of Submission: Day 23

Continued from… Day 22

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

There is nothing in my own submission that I question, dislike or that repels me. Regarding what others do, I have always adapted the opinion that I respect others for their choices. It is not my place to judge or even have any remarks regarding how others live their lives, be it a vanilla or a kinky relationship.

That said, I have to say that there definitely are things that I am quite curious about and other things that even though I have not tried it before, I am sure that those will be hard limits for me. Things I am curious about are pet/pony play and Daddy/girl relationships. Things that are hard limits for me is anything that has to do with excreta. And then there is one thing that I cannot decide whether it’s a hard limit or whether I am curious about it: needle play.

There was a time when indeed I questioned my submission. Several times maybe. I have never been resistant to my feelings, but have gone into a kind of frenzy in wanting more. I wanted to submit more. ‘More’ was difficult to explain, but I just had this urge for Master T. to be busy dominating me at all times. He kept the balance and never allowed me to go overboard. He determined the frequency, the moments and it brought me to a stable point where I was willing to patiently wait for what He decides. Okay, almost patiently, because it should never be ‘quiet’ for too long, because then I feel as if I am going to fall apart.

Way in the beginning of our D/s relationship I sometimes had the doubt if I would be able to let go. I have been used to always be in control in all situations, but I wanted nothing more than to let go and give Master T. all control. That is easier said than done though and I am still working on it. Some moments letting go is easier than others.

I need Master T. to lead the way and keep me from going into a frenzy again, and I need Him to lead me to try new things and find my boundaries. And He is doing exactly that!

To be continued… Day 24

© Rebel’s Notes

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