Master vs Sir

Back in the days when we started our D/s relationship, I had no specific way of referring to my Husband. Or rather, I referred to Him as “my Husband” or “my Hubby”. In the first months of our special relationships, that did not change. There were times when He and I had conversations about what I should call Him during a play session. Each time He said that I should give Him some time to think about it.

As time progressed, I started to speak about Him as “Master T.” This was a totally natural consequence of some frequent joking between Master T. and me on a level that is not directly related to our D/s relationship. Whenever Master T. has cooked dinner and it was really yummy, He calls Himself the master cook. Whenever He has done something else that He is quite happy with, He calls Himself the Master of that specific thing. It just happened that one day I started referring to Him as Master T. Somehow it just fitted!

It has happened a couple of times now that people misunderstood my D/s relationship to be a M/s relationship, because I talk about my Husband as Master T. I refer to myself as a submissive, not a slave. I do not consider myself to be a slave at all. The last time that it happened that someone referred to my relationship with Master T. as a M/s relationship, I decided to do some research on this topic. I wanted to know whether I should stop referring to my Husband as Master T. and whether I should start referring to Him as Sir or Sir T. I have to say that we have discussed me calling Him Sir, but both of us felt that the word ‘Sir’ did not cover it for us.

In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual (the submissive) gives to another (the dominant) ultimate authority over them. It is a form of dominance and submission or total power exchange. The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation. The relationship is structured in terms of slavery, because of the association of the term with ownership of the slave and the rights of a master to their body, as property or chattel. The dominant is often called Master if male, or Mistress if female.

(Source: Wikipedia)

I also read the piece on Dominance and submission on Wikipedia, but in there nothing was said about what you should call your Dominant. Further searching brought me to the following:

Within a private D/s relationship, your Partner will decide on the proper way to address him. It is a private decision between consenting adults. Some take a more relaxed method. Others feel maintaining a rigid structure and protocol keeps the submissive centered.

(Source: Leathernroses)

I guess this means that even though I speak of my Husband as Master T., it does not automatically indicate that I am in a M/s relationship. One thing though – I do not call Him Master  or Sir during play. When I write about Him I talk about Master T. and when I write about addressing Him during a session, I call Him Sir. Confusing, right?

So, what do I call Him during play? Uh… the same as I would call Him otherwise. By His name or I call Him ‘luv’ or ‘honey’ or whatever else comes to mind at that moment. This might mean that we still have to work on this. I cannot help to wonder whether I would feel His dominance more if He makes me call Him Master during a session too.

I would love to hear all your thoughts on this!

© Rebel’s Notes

8 thoughts on “Master vs Sir

  1. well, in the deep dark parts of the BSDM community its ok to call him master, but do not call him owner as that is a false title, 😀 basics are this: owner= having slave(s) master = having sub(s) simple as that in the BDSM community

    1. Thank you for this clarification. Even though I sometimes say that He owns me, I think and nowadays speak of Him as my Master. That just felt like the best title to use 🙂

      Rebel xox

  2. Well, you know my thoughts on the subject, fuck the “definitions”. I think you can call each other whatever you like and it doesn’t have to imply what kind of relationship you have with someone. I had a Master once. He wanted to be called Master and he called me his slave, however, we did not have what most would define as a Master and slave relationship. For most, the stereotypical definition is that a Master/slave relationship is one that is very intense and the slave pretty much lets all her life be controlled by the Master. That was not the case of my relationship with my ex Master. Far from it. He only controlled our time together, not all the other times. I did not have to wear what he wanted on a daily basis and so on and so forth.

    D/s is what you make of it after all. You are free to call each other what you will and you do not need to conform to what so and so feels is THE definition of whatever your title is. I was called slave once, and others would argue I was not. Doesn’t matter to me. I was to “him”. *That’s* what matters at the end of the day.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Mina, and of course I agree with you. I wanted to hear the thoughts of others, but of course I just call Him what works for Him and me. Indeed, in the end that is what is important: what we want. That’s the beauty of all relationships… we do what works for us 🙂

      Rebel xox

  3. My wife and I do some occassional BDSM play. We actually just recently stepped things up. I told her to call me “Master,” and it was really hot.

    1. Unfortunately if I would call my Husband ‘Master’ we will both have a fit of laughter. If we translate that to our language, it equals the word used for male teachers in primary school 😉

      Glad it works for you though 😉

      Rebel xox

  4. I totally agree with the leathernroses snippet, because at the end of the day what truly matters is what the persons involved in the relationship decide what to call each other. My previous D/s relationship consisted of me calling my D-type Master when she was actually female. She felt more comfortable with it than ‘Mistress’, and we weren’t M/s either. With my current relationship we haven’t decided on titles yet, but we’re in no rush and we’ll find something that makes us comfortable to be called.

    I don’t think titles are ‘reserved’ for certain relationships or even a certain gender, because in the end, it’s just a label and no one has dibs on it.

    If anyone feels they need to call you out on it, well, that’s their problem! They’re not involved with your relationship and so it doesn’t involve them.

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