30 Days of Submission: Day 18

Continued from… Day 17

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

I don’t believe in stereotypes, but I do know that it is human nature to put different kinds of people into different kinds of boxes. Unfortunately, this is something that will never change. My opinion is that people stereotype others when they do not fully understand what the others are about. In other words, that people who are not in the lifestyle, believe that a submissive is not allowed to have an opinion. And yes, I know there are relationships where this indeed happens, but I think (hope!) that it is because of mutual consent.

We have an open communication. Master T. expects me to talk to Him about my desires and needs. Even though most of the time He knows exactly what I am going to say, what I need, He expects me to tell Him. When talking about my desires and needs, we also talk about my limits, things I would not want to do. Or things I am ‘afraid’ to experience. Or we talk about things that I don’t know how to or if I could handle it. He communicates His rules to me – those things He wants me to do and those things He wants me to keep in mind when specific situations arise.

I am quite shy to talk about what I need. I find it easier to write about it. Therefore, I frequently send Master T. an email when I want to discuss something or tell Him something. I do not only mail Him when He is not home, but even do it when He is in the same room as I me. Mostly our conversation will continue by email, as he knows how shy I am to talk about things and how difficult it is for me to find words, but sometimes He will come to sit with me and then we continue the discussion. Sometimes, when we go to bed, He will start about the subject that we have been mailing about. Then we will discuss it, while I am sheltered in His arms.

Communication is important in any relationship, but maybe even more so in a D/s relationship. If I do not give Master T. any feedback, then how would He be able to take anything into account the next time we have a play session? Or if He gives me a task or a standing order and I cannot handle it, how would He know that if I do not talk to Him about it?

Communication – just like trust – should be at the base of every relationship.

To be continued… Day 19

© Rebel’s Notes

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