Continued from… Day 15
Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
I have only been in one D/s relationship – the one I have with my Husband. Therefore I cannot say whether my submission has changed with different partners/relationships.
However, I have been in other long-term relationships. Looking back on those relationships, I cannot imagine myself having been in a D/s setting with any of those men. Something was always missing in those relationships. The first one I think about was a man that came from an abusive home. When his brother abused both his wife and their child, I told this man that if he would ever hit me, I would take a broom and hit him to pulp while he slept. He never touched me and I would never have trusted him enough to engage in a D/s relationship.
There’s a second man that springs to mind… thinking back at the first months of our relationship, I think that eventually I might have been able to submit to him. But then I discovered that all he was looking for, was a maid. And no, I passed on that.
And then the last one… well… he was a wuss. I think if ever I would have discussed submission with him, he would have died of a heart attack. He never made any decisions, but left all to me. Up to today, I hate the words: “it’s your day, you decide”. Every day was my day and all I wanted was a man with some backbone. He did not have it!
I have to say that in hindsight – or as the politicians like to say: “with the knowledge that I have now” I know I would not have submitted to any of these men. Why? Because I was still in the process of discovering myself, trying to find out what I wanted. My life did not run along the traditional lines of dating, marriage, kids, etc. Much of my life up to the time that I met Master T. was about surviving from day to day – both physically and mentally. This meant that I never had the chance to properly get to know myself. I just never had time to think about what I want and what not. When I met Master T. my life slowly started to settle down. It still took some years before I realized that I am submissive in nature and that I could look back upon the relationships that I have had, and recognize that the feelings were always slumbering inside me, just below the surface. Master T. was the one with the key.
Looking at the question above, I also wonder whether I would be able to submit to a woman, or to another man for that matter? I don’t know. And I don’t think that I will know whether I can do it, until I have tried it. One thing I know for sure is that I will not submit to any other man or woman, if it is not Master T.’s explicit wish.
To be continued… Day 17
© Rebel’s Notes