Continued from… Day 6
Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
Yes I do accept and expect discipline or punishment as part of my submission.
I accept them because I have made a commitment to live by my Husband’s rules. Since I am still learning about letting go of the control I had all my life and submitting fully to Master T., it does happen that I make mistakes. Sometimes I forget to ask permission to not execute one of my daily tasks. I forget, because I know what His answer will be. For instance, I am to wear my nipple charms every day, but if ever I go to the spa, where I will swim a lot and sit in bubble baths, I know I cannot wear them. And I know that when I ask, He will give me permission not to wear them. But because I know the answer, on some occasions I have forgotten to ask His permission. He punished me. I deserved it. Knowing what the answer will be is no reason at all not to ask the question.
Being punished if I have done something wrong, or have not done something that I know is expected of me, I feel terrible. It’s not what I have to do for a punishment that makes me feel terrible, but it’s knowing that I have disappointed Master T. and that He needed to correct me in my ways. I do not want to disappoint Him. I want Him to be proud of me and how can He be proud if I do not live up to His rules?
Master T. will never tell me to do something new and then punish me the first time I do not get it right. Sometimes we have lengthy conversations in which He explains exactly what He wants me to do and where I have the opportunity to ask as many questions as I want to. Once everything is clear I will set out to do it according to His wishes. The first couple of mistakes – sometimes 1, sometimes 3 – He will gently correct. But after that, if I do not carry out a task according to His wishes, a proper punishment will follow.
Not only do I accept punishments, but I also expect them. If Master T. would just let me be when I have been out of line, to me it would feel as if I am the one ‘in charge’. It will feel as if I have to take control of an area of our life where I am just not able to be in control. I want Him to be that, to be the strong one, to be strict and to keep me in line at all times. That is what we have decided, the journey we have started on. Therefore yes, I expect the punishments. And sometimes I even try to evoke them. I tease Master T. and hope He will punish me. It does not always work, but even if it results in only one hard slap on my ass, I love it. It makes me feel happy. It spreads a warm feeling through my body. Those are the kind of ‘punishments’ I do like.
To be continued… Day 8
© Rebel’s Notes