Continued from… Day 5
What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
If someone is gay, do we ask them where that comes from? Do we ask them whether they think it has something to do with their childhood? Do we ask them if it’s a sexual thrill? Oh yes, I know there are a group of people that are convinced that being gay is something that comes from nurture and not by nature. But there is a huge amount of people that accept that being gay is just as normal as being… well, normal!
So why can’t this be said for submission? Why can it not just be accepted as another variation of a sexual personality? Why does it have to come from ‘somewhere’ or be the outcome of something that happened in ones childhood? Or why should it be seen as a sexual thrill? We do not question people who are in a 100% vanilla relationship, do we?
I guess what I want to say it that being submissive does not necessarily have to come from anything, but might just be a feeling that some of us have inside us. It’s the way some of us are wired and we are fortunate enough to live our lives, acting on the core feelings inside of us. Just like someone is born with homosexual feelings, others are born with submissive feelings.
That all said, I also want to add that I believe that whatever kind of upbringing one had, you always bring elements of those into your adult life. The first seven years a child is formed. Whatever you learn or experience during those years, have an influence on the way you see or do things in your adult life.
Did my childhood contribute in any way to my submissive feelings? My honest answer to this is that I just don’t know. I grew up in a conservative country, in a conservative family, where the father was head of the family. However, my mother worked too and she had a say in everything. My father was a very dominate man and I despised the way he sometimes treated my mother and us kids. Late in my teenage years I rebelled against his dominance, an sub-consciously rebelled against any kind of dominance for many, many years.
To us it is not a relationship management tool at all. Our D/s relationship was something that always slumbered below the surface. Master T. allowed me to discover myself in my own tempo, not pushing, not suggesting, not implying anything. I am still learning about my submission and yes, to me it is a sexual thrill also, but primarily my submission is who I am. I need and want to be there for Master T. to use in any way that He wants. I need to know He controls me. I need to feel that I am not only His wife, but His property, His possession.
I do not feel complete without my submission to Master T.
To be continued… Day 7
© Rebel’s Notes