Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

I have grown up in a traditional family where the father and husband was the boss. Besides that, I have grown up with a narcist father. That left its mark on me.

In later life, one of my husbands was a real wuss. He always left all decisions to me, no matter how simple or complex they were. I hated this, but did not know why at the time. Back then I just knew that I did not like to be the one who made the decisions. In another relationship the man was very dominant. He took control of my life, my body and abused me. I left him because of it.

I have always been fascinated by BDSM, by the thought of someone else owning me. I always wanted “things done to me”. I had this urge to be controlled. I wanted to belong to someone. So why did I not like the abusive boyfriend? He did control my life; he “did things to me”. Still, I was not happy.

Then I met my current Husband. BDSM for us wasn’t a way of living from the beginning. We played some: bondage, clamps, candle wax – things like that. But it was only play and even though it was fun and erotic, it was still only play. I never knew that I was missing something until the evening that our conversations went on and on and on and I gave him the gift of my submission.

Only then did I know what I missed. I guess this for me is the main appeal of kink/BDSM to me is the same as what I felt I missed: the feeling of really belonging to someone, of being someone’s possession. I missed the feeling of him taking control of me, deciding what I may and may not do with my body.

I missed the feeling of being owned. I don’t miss it anymore…

(written on 20.08.2011)

© Rebel’s Notes

One thought on “Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this:

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this. Please also ready the Privacy Policy

Close