I lost track of OUR relationship. I was blinded by the relationships of others. I forgot that the way we live our lives is more important than the way others live their lives. I wanted what others wanted. I allowed myself to be blinded by what I read in blogs, by what I saw on twitter. I wanted it all. I totally forgot that my body was not okay. I wanted to be dominated by my Husband every evening. I did not ask him that, but my mood told him enough. My mood deteriorated. I became moody. I hated the tattoo on my leg. I wished I never had it. I saw it as a farce. I just totally lost track of everything.

Until it all came to a screeching halt… it had to, as I was on a collision course with myself.

I realized that I was being unreasonable. That I have forgotten that the rules that apply to our D/s relationship are our rules. That the way we live it, the way we give substance to it is what we want and not what others dictate it to be. I went through days of thoughts, days of highs and lows before I realized that I was so wrong in my thinking. I came to the conclusion that what we have is so special, that it was still there, but that I had to re-define it for myself. I realized that my negative feelings came from the fact that I missed what we had. We were in an interim period because of my healing period, and I missed feeling his physical dominance. I realized so many things, and before I could even mention them out loud to my Husband, He decided it was time to talk to me.

Once again, I was amazed at how easily him and I can be on the same page…

We have the perfect marriage, He said.
We have the perfect sexual relationship, He said.
Our D/s relationship complements what we already have, He said.
I could do nothing else than agree with everything He said.
He had me tattooed because He owns me. Because the tattoo should remind me always that He is my Owner. That I belong to Him. I have given myself to Him, I have committed myself to submitting to Him. Fully. The tattoo is a symbol of that. He promised me that if the tattoo is not enough to remind me of His ownership daily, then He will either have me tattooed again or He will have my labia pierced too.
In our talk we both agreed that there is no place in our life for a 24/7 D/s relationship. We might not even get to it every day, because of a gazillion reasons: kids, both with a fulltime job, worries about our moms who both are suffering from old age… but we will get to it. He said that I will have to be ready always. That whenever He gives me an order, I will have to obey. And I will. I will. Happily. Yes, please!!!

We are back! I am back! And I won’t be blinded by the things I read. I’m going back to the basics of our D/s relationship. It’s our relationship, lived according to our rules. No one could or should judge the way we live it, and I should not compare our relationship to that of others, because they live theirs according to their own set of rules.

We have the perfect marriage. We have the perfect sexual relationship and our D/s perfectly complements what we already have.

I am a happy subbie!

© Rebel’s Notes

2 thoughts on “Blinded

  1. @longingsend
    Thanks so much for your comment, Mina. It was good to see and read that others do have the same feelings I do, that I am not going crazy. We are now just taking it as it comes, allowing RL to just happen too. Our D/s is part of our RL, but sometimes kids & other stuff just keep us away from our D/s. When we do get to 'play' we enjoy even more!
    Thanks once again for telling me about your feelings with your Master C too!
    Hugz & kisses

  2. It's easy to get wrapped up in what others have and want it for yourself. I know a married, poly, D/s couple. The wife is submissive to her husband, however, she is Dominant to her male sub, her bf. All 3 of them live under the same roof. At times, I am envious of the male sub. It must be a truly wonderful thing to live under the same roof as your Dominant. I get lost in my daydreams thinking about Master C and myself being able to indulge in each other physically on a daily basis.

    But I've come to realize that he and I work because we fulfill certain needs in each other. The fact that we sometimes have to go for weeks between seeing each other just strengthens the desire and passion between us. When we are limited to just a few hours at a time, we truly connect hard and the rest of the world melts away. Maser C and I work, because of how our lives are right now and I have to remind myself that it is to be as such. This strengthens us and leaves us full of passion and desire for the next time. If Master C and I began seeing each other on a daily basis, chances are, we will become a victim of monotony. The more you get to know someone, the easier it becomes to take advantage of them always being around. So as much as it hurts to be apart from Master C, I've had to remind myself that our current situation is what makes us work.

    xo mina

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