Previous posts with this heading were about my Husband teaching me patience. Teaching me in a hard way; wanting me to learn to subject to His wishes at his pace. This post is about me trying to find the patience in myself, but in a way it’s also about my Husband teaching me patience.
My body needs to heal. I am in the final stages of my study – a study I have been at for 5 years. I have been subject to stress for the greater part of the five years. Not only stress because of the study, but also because of my work and some other personal family issues. The stress has not found a proper outlet in the last year. I tend to just go on, to bottle the stress up and this can now be noticed in my body. I frequently suffer from muscle stiffness, as if I have done an entire workout in a gym. I have problems with my stomach – heartburn, nausea, tummy aches. I’m frequently very tired and my left arm is almost constantly hurting, as if I have bursitis.
Yes, I know, I should probably go to the doctor… again. But I’ve been to the doc so many times in the last year or two and each time I went there, he said the same. It’s stress. Unfortunately, there just isn’t a tablet they can give you and – “voila” – no more stress! And since my study will finally be done by the end of next week (I just assume I am going to pass!), I want to wait a week or two, or maybe a month, before I go to the doctor with all the complaints. I want to give my body the time to heal by itself.
Since the pain in my body got worse, my Husband has decided that we should give my body some rest. First He stopped cuffing my hands behind my back, because of my left arm. Then He stopped spanking me properly, because of the stiffness in my body; the muscle aching. But also because of the nausea, the tummy aches. He is very kind to do this, but…
… I miss it. I hate the fact that my body is ill. My mind is not. I sometimes want Him to just ignore my nausea, my aches and pains… and to subject me to His wicked ways! But I know Him too well. He will not subject me to His ways until He sees that I am healing. That I am starting to feel better. Only then will He expect me to perform all my daily tasks again (I still perform two of them every day: my nipple charms and the shaving) and might I be given more permanent tasks to perform daily or weekly.
I need to find the patience in myself, to give my body the time to heal, the way my Husband gives it time.
It’s so damn difficult!!!
(written on 04.06.2011)
© Rebel’s Notes