Don’t look at me (revisited)

On 13 March I published “Don’t look at me“. It was a blog about something that happened on an evening about a week or two before the story was published. “Don’t look at me” happened again, but there was an essential difference to the first time.

For starters, something in my mind – my thoughts, my feelings – has started to change. I noticed that I was starting to let go of the control that I felt I always had to maintain. However, letting go is difficult. It’s not something that just happens. I believe that it’s a process and when “Don’t look at me” was revisited, I was still in the beginning of that process.

When I entered the bedroom I saw the wrist and ankle cuffs on the bed, as well as the flogger and my collar. By then I knew what to do: undress and hold my hair up so he could put the collar on me. He adjusted the collar and asked me to lie down on bed. I asked him whether he wanted me to lie on my back or on my stomach. Your back, he said. My next thought was: I’m not really in the mood to have rerun of two weeks ago. But of course I said nothing. First my right arm was tied to the bed, Velcro cuff around my wrist. It was when he tied my right foot to the bed that I thought: that’s a lot tighter than the last time. When he tied my left leg to the other side of the bed my legs were spread so wide that my back arched a bit. I felt the strain on the muscles in my upper legs. I wondered whether I would be able to hold this for a longer period of time. My left wrist was tied to the bed. I was more immobile than the previous time he tied me like this and my legs were spread much wider.

He sat down on the bed next to me. I was not allowed to look at him. I am so used to look at him that I made the mistake several times to turn my head towards him. This earned me a pinching of one or both nipples. Hard. After a couple of times I did not make the same mistake again. He softly stroked my body alternating it with pinching my nipples or rubbing my clitoris. He stood up and walk to the other side of the bed. I cannot remember the sequence of things; whether he first flogged me or that the fairy started humming. But I sure remember the feeling of the fairy against my erect clitoris. It brought me to orgasm over and over again. I squirted a couple of times, feeling the bed under me getting wetter and wetter.

I think he alternated between the fairy and the flogger. At that stage I could not think clearly anymore. I know he alternated between pinching and buzzing the fairy against my clit. He pinched hard. My nipples hurt. It hurt more when the flogger touched the sensitive skin there where he had pinched me. And the fairy hummed away against my clit. I tried to escape it, but with my legs tied so tight it was difficult. I strained against the bands holding my arms spread above my head. I orgasmed over and over again and I wanted more. Gawd, I felt like such a slut. I had to say it. He asked me. I am your slut.

When he entered my ass with one finger I was very ready to have a huge, releasing orgasm. The fairy was still humming against my clit. Being restrained prevented me from pulling my legs up a bit to get in a better position. I have this thing in my head, being afraid of not being able to reach an orgasm and over the years I have told myself that I have to be in a specific position otherwise the orgasm would stay away. Pulling my legs up, even if only a little bit would be one of those positions, but now they were tied so tight that I could not move them. In and out his finger moved. I felt the tension building in my body. I knew I was going to cum soon. I said it. But it stayed away. I was kept on the brink of an orgasm while the fairy hummed away against my clit and his finger moved in and out of me. I wanted to cum so badly. I just couldn’t. I started to turn my head from side to side, moaning. I wanted to cum, dammit. In and out his finger moved. It felt as if every fiber in my body was standing to attention. I can’t, I started to say, I can’t, I can’t and then oh god, I’m cumming. My orgasm seemed to last longer this time and the release was just wonderful. Then the tears came. I turned my head away so he could not see. I felt ashamed. Why did I have to cry? It was not feeling sad at all. I felt humble. My Husband has taken control of my body; has claimed an orgasm from me that I thought I could not have. I cannot describe all the different feelings that went through me at that moment, but the dominant feeling was intense happiness.

Thinking back, I cannot remember whether he left the room before he untied me or if he untied me when he came back. I do remember that he stood in front of me and wanted me to take him in his mouth. The feeling of happiness made a naughty streak in me taking control. I looked at his hard member right in front of my face and made no attempt to move my mouth closer to it. He waited, but must have realized that I was teasing. He reached down, pinched my nipple hard and pressed his cock against my lips. I opened my mouth to take him in and he shoved himself deep into my mouth. I could feel him deep in my throat. With his hand behind my head he kept himself buried deep in my mouth. Just before I gagged, he withdrew.

He sat down on the chair and I looked at him. Did I say you can look at me, he asked. On your knees, here! He pointed to the floor in front of him. I got on my knees, my head bowed, smiling. Dammit, why couldn’t I wipe the smirk off my face? Why should I be overwhelmed with this happy smiling feeling at that very moment? He offered me his hard cock again. I looked at him. Don’t look, he said, and pinched my nipple hard. How the hell did he get to my nipple that quickly? I glanced up at him again and smiled. I said not to look at me and now you’re laughing too, he said as he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head backwards. He pinched my nipples hard. Left. Right. Left. Right. Hard. It hurt. It felt good. It hurt more. I did not look at him again after that. I kept my head down. My smile was gone too. I sucked him some more until I was ordered to get in my knees.

He entered my pussy from behind and started to fuck me with long strokes. I was so sensitive inside. I could feel every movement, everything he touched inside me. It felt so good! I love to be on my hands and knees, him fucking me from behind, but for some or other reason this felt better than ever. More intense. I had my shoulders almost on the floor and pushed back against his thrusts, wanting more if him inside me. He fucked me hard and I orgasmed hard. Twice. I heard him grunt at the same time as I felt his hard member contracting inside me as his cum spurt into me. He stayed in my, scratching my back, rubbing my back. When he pulled out of me, I stayed on the floor, head down. When at last I sat up and leaned against the chair he was sitting on, he saw my tears and my smile.

Something happened that evening. Something I cannot put in words. Something I might understand one day.

© Rebel’s Notes

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