Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us

Dom? No, I am definitely not a Dom and cannot even imagine myself as one. Looking at my Husband I cannot imagine to dominate him or any other man. My feeling is that a man should dominate a woman and not the other way around, but that’s just my feeling. Just thinking about it: I will also not be able to dominate a woman. I think domination is just not in me. I guess from that it’s already clear that I am not a switch either. No, I definitely am a sub.

What parts of BDSM interest me? We (that is my Husband) and me have spoken about BDSM quite frequently. I know he will always keep me safe, and that is very important to me. I like pain. It excites me. But I too have my limits. I would not mind to have the marks of a whip on me, but I do not want to see any blood. No needles, no hooks. I don’t want to have my body mutilated. I am a perfectionist and if my skin is broken, I would definitely not be happy.

How to define my kinky self? That’s quite difficult. I never know how to bring things under words. No, that’s not true. I have heard from several people that I have a talent for writing, and deep down I know that I can write. But trying to tell who I am, to describe myself, or in this case to define my kinky self… that’s another story.

Kinky? Am I kinky? I do have a lot of kinky thoughts and all through my life I had them. I was aware of sex very early in my life – maybe too early. I remember that I was a girl of about 10 years old and I loved to play dress-up. Now as an adult and looking back on it, I know that what I wore back then was always a bit too sexy for a 10-year old. And somehow back then I must have known it, because my parents never saw the clothes I wore during dress-up. I made sure of that. In my teen years I loved to show myself. I wanted the attention. And in my adult life, that did not change.

Somewhere in my adult life – I certainly cannot pinpoint the moment – the fantasies of being dominated started. I never thought of it as domination, but my fantasies always included being told what to do, not having a will of my own, not allowed to decide what I want to do with my body. I guess it was just a natural evolution for me to move from vanilla to being a submissive to my Husband. He has recognized it in me long before I was ready to admit it.

Playing dress-up is something I still like. I have lots of sexy clothes that have been bought at sex shops and I love to dress in it and look like a slut. I still have that little girl in me that wonders what is thought of me when I wear the revealing clothes, but up to now no one has seen me in it. It might change this year, though.

Yes, I do have a kinky side. And I am very much in the process of discovering just how kinky I am. To discover just how far I will and can go. To submit to my husband 100% and to let go of the control I had up to now. To let him decide what I should do, when and eventually with whom. And to combine this kinky side of me with a perfect vanilla life – for my family and in professional life, where I tend to be the corporate bitch.

Maybe I should answer this question again when I am further down the BDSM road than I am at present.

(written on 20.03.2011)

© Rebel’s Notes

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