I’ve never asked for permission. No. That’s not entirely true. Of course I have asked my parents’ permission for various things when I was a child. And I might have asked permission for some things in my adult life. And I might even have asked my husband permission for some things, but he always said it was not necessary to ask. Like when I wanted to start with art classes and I knew that it would cost quite some money, because it was not only for the classes, but also for my own studio at home.
In the meantime things have changed. If in the same situation as the art classes thing again, I will still not have to ask for permission. However, if I want to do something that has anything to do with my body, asking permission is mandatory.
The first time I did not ask for permission was a couple of weeks ago. I had an unexpected doctor’s appointment. I wear a quarter cup bra every day and ever since I have my nipple charms, I have to wear them daily too. Once I have made that doctor’s appointment for late in the afternoon, I started worrying about the doctor seeing the bra and the charms. I had to go to the doc because I suspected my low blood pressure was playing up again, so I started playing the appointment over in my head. What would he have to check? My blood pressure? Maybe my heart? Maybe listen to my lungs? If he wanted to check my blood pressure, I would have to clear my arm. I was wearing a tight fitting long sleeve, but I thought that I might manage to take my arm out of the sleeve without him seeing my breasts. But what if he wanted to listen to my heart or lungs? How in the world was I going to hide my bra and charms?
I decided that I could do nothing about the bra, but at least I could take the charms off. When I mentioned this to my husband, I was told that he never gave me permission to do so and that appropriate measures will be taken. I was stunned. I never stopped to think about asking permission to take the charms off, but it made sense. After all, he was the one who told me that I should wear my charms every day. There were other incidents where I forgot to ask for permission, and every time I was told that he would take appropriate measures so I don’t forget to ask for permission anymore. And the measures were taken!
Then came the time that my nipples felt bruised after some of our ‘sessions’. I kept on wearing my charms, no matter how much it hurt to get my nipples through them. But after a couple of days I knew I had to give my nipples some time to heal. And yes, I knew that I would have to ask for permission. I started playing the question around in my mind when we went to bed one evening. I wanted to ask him as soon as we were in bed, but I just could not get the question out of my mouth. I woke up with the question in my head, still mulling it around. While under the shower I phrased and rephrased my question. While drying myself off the question was repeated over and over again. I hoped that I would be able to ask the question when I was back in the bedroom. If not, it would be another day of wearing my charms on my bruised nipples.
As I walked into the bedroom, at last I managed to ask: is it okay if I leave my charms off to give my nipples some rest? Writing this question up here went a lot smoother than it came out of my mouth. Of course I was given permission. And I was praised that I had managed to ask, because he knew how difficult it would be for me.
After caring for my nipples with baby butt cream (don’t laugh, because really on the package it mentioned caring for nipples when breastfeeding too!) for a couple of days my nipples were all ready for the nipple charms again. And for nipple clamps…
(written on 26.03.2011)
© Rebel’s Notes