I’m not a Threat (1)

business card

I need to hammer out this blog post while the emotions are still running high. While I feel the tears burning my eyes. It might be a rambling post and it might not be, but I need to get it out of my system. Master T says that I shouldn’t be so concerned about it, but I cannot help it, for various reasons. It’s 1am on a Sunday morning in early February as I write this and we have just returned from a night out. They were there again…

But let me start at the beginning.

We’ve been going to this new place since the time my mom was sick, and we love this place a lot more than the previous place we regularly went to. We are meeting lots of interesting people there, having interesting conversations and sharing things that I never thought I would share. Some weeks ago we met a couple. Or rather, I met them. It so happened that Master T had spoken to them once or twice when he was outside or on the other side of the bar. He makes contact with new people a lot easier than I do. So this particular night they came to stand on our side of the bar and I got to know them better. She’s a beautiful woman, a bit more introvert than he is. He’s an outgoing man and always has a smile ready for everyone. He also seemed to be genuinely interested in us.

A week later they were there again. The moment they walked in they came to us and we were greeted with kisses on the cheek, like friends. Two other men joined us and she had a conversation with one of them. I had a conversation with her husband.

Now I think it was this second time that we saw each other that we spoke about tattoos. They wanted to know whether I had a photo of mine and I showed them the one on my back. I mentioned the one around my breast and he wanted to see that too, but I only have one image on my blog. I searched for it, enlarged it on my screen so he couldn’t see my nipple and showed it to him. But, he was quick to swipe his fingers over the screen and there it was, my breast in full glory – nipple and all.

We didn’t only speak about tattoos. We spoke about incest (on his side) and not wanting to see certain family members again. We spoke about me writing about sex and he said that having a sex blog doesn’t make me a ‘strange’ person. He asked me for my blog address and I said no. Master T said that I shouldn’t have mentioned it then, but I feel I can talk about my blog when I want, and then, when someone asks for the link, I can still say no. However, that specific night I considered giving this man my card. He told me both him and his wife are open-minded. I had to think about it for a while, but long story short: I trusted them enough to give him my business card. When I gave it to him I said: “For your eyes only, yours and your wife’s. But for no one else!”

He promised.

He then turned around to his wife and showed her the card, telling her that it was only for them, and repeating that they can be trusted. As if he wanted her to re-assure me. She didn’t. I watched for several moments as she started talking to him, not once looking at me, but I couldn’t hear what she said, because of the music. He moved over to her and every now and then I glanced at them and it seemed their conversation was heated. I had the feeling it was about my business card, about him showing too much interest. I tried not to let it affect me, but I couldn’t put it out of my mind.

That was four weeks ago.

Tonight they were there again. They sat on the other side of the bar and she greeted us, but wasn’t overly friendly. He greeted too later, and was a bit more friendly. I caught him looking at me a couple of times, but she barely looked in our direction. Later I had to go to the bathroom and just as I came out of it, she was on her way there. We had a short, uncomfortable conversation about almost nothing and he joined in too, but it was still uncomfortable. They moved places at the bar, but still not closer to us. The rest of the evening went the same: I occasionally caught his eye; she paid us not attention at all. When they left he half pulled up his shoulders as if he wanted to apologize for something and then they left.

I cannot tell you how incredibly uncomfortable this makes me feel. It’s not because I know he can see and read my blog. No, it’s because I have this feeling she sees me as a threat and that’s the least I am. I really like them and felt at ease with both of them (and that says a lot as I’m rarely so at ease with people I don’t know well). Somehow I cannot help but wonder whether she has told him that he’s not allowed to come talk to us. I’ve seen him move freely around the bar before, going from one group to the other and talking to everyone and tonight he stuck to her side. I don’t know. I really don’t. Somehow I think I trusted them too quickly, that I shouldn’t have given him my card. Once again, not because I mind them looking at my site, but I don’t want to be the cause of trouble between a couple. Not now. Not ever. That’s the main thing bugging me at this moment.

I just hope that in the coming weeks we will see them again and that we can have ‘normal’ contact again so she can see I am not a threat and never will be.

Fast forward three weeks…

To be continued… I’m not a Threat (2)

© Rebel’s Notes

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10 thoughts on “I’m not a Threat (1)

  1. alan_inlondon says:

    i think you need to look at it as a case of “mind over matter”
    you dont mind and they dont matter.
    i agree with Molly and hope that this couple will realize in time their mistake.
    i also agree with Floss
    keep your spirits up pretty lady – were all with you
    xoxoxo

  2. I find it interesting that so many people seem quick to assume that his wife must be insecure and that whatever the problem is, it is “her” problem.

    While I agree that you did nothing wrong and need not take the blame for any perceived marital strife, I also think it’s not fair to paint her negatively. You never know what’s going on in people’s lives, nor do you know the truth about the relationships of people you encounter. While the problem, whatever it is, is clearly between husband and wife: Why must the root of the problem be assumed to be the wife? Maybe the problem is HIM. Has he cheated on her before? Did he violate her trust or break a pact by viewing your nude photo? (Considering that you intentionally cropped the photo to NOT show your nipple, but that he uncropped it to look anyway, gives me pause.)

    Whatever the issue is, it is their issue. But I’m not going to assume that SHE is the issue.

    Food for thought.

  3. I agree with Floss. I’ve been reading your blog for several years now (though I don’t have the privilege of knowing you in real life.) It seems to me this is all about her (and them) more than it is about you. You were kind, welcoming and open or should I say generous. If this woman has any hang ups or reservations, it’s her problem, not your own.

    It may be a bit odd or difficult, but if you continue to visit the place and they are there – just be yourself! Also at least here in the States it is very normal to hand out business cards so you did nothing wrong. If they don’t care for you or your site they are free to move on in life, right? (I can’t imagine anyone not enjoying your awesome website.)

  4. Hi Rebel – I agree with Floss & May, but I think Cara’s reservations are wise too. I think the main problem is her insecurity, he showed enthusiasm& interest – maybe too much for her liking and hence she now sees you as a danger to keeping his attention.
    I found you in person & on line to be a very open, giving person and I can see you have tried to exercise caution and discretion. I wonder if your confession to being a sex blogger has made you seem like a predatory woman in her eyes. Maybe if she reads up on more of your blog (although she sounds a blinkered individual) she might get a better impression of who you are. Please don’t fret. I agree with all opinions so far YOU have done nothing wrong! xx

  5. People are weird and can often wrong foot you. I have definitely misjudged people before who have come across as liberal and open minded but then when they discover what I do are clearly uncomfortable with it. As a general rule I mark it down as no loss because clearly we were not like minded people at all.

    I hope maybe that these folks will realise their mistake though

    Mollyx

  6. I am with Floss on this one – I think it says a lot about her and their relationship – you did not do anything wrong. Maybe they will read this post and she will realise there was no need to feel threatened by the situation.
    Its easy to over analyse things like this especially being as open and generous as you are 😉 x

  7. You don’t think you make friends as easily? I got caught on that point first. I found you to be incredibly welcoming and open. Second, I don’t think you should doubt yourself here. You thought you could be honest with someone that seemed trustworthy. I’m hoping the continuation of this story doesn’t result in something bad. I’m a little uneasy because of that possibility

  8. Ooh, okay I don’t think(Totally personal opinion here) That you are in anyway the problem whatsoever. If there was a negative response from her it was toward him regardless of her outward actions regarding you. Women can be tricky creatures, prone to jealousy and insecurities. He asked for your blog , he took your card, and if her perception is off that’s a shame and her loss. I’m sorry you feel so uncomfortable. I suggest to try to shake it off and just be you. If she comes around and shakes her unjust reaction great, if not, that’s her problem not yours. (Sorry I just don’t have patience for silly people and she seems silly)

  9. I think you’re probably reading this correctly. I have massive insecurities but would never behave this way to another person. In this community we are more open and trusting I think but we shouldn’t be making people feel badly. I would go one step further and say you must remember that if she has a problem it is “her” problem and you were not the cause and did nothing wrong. You gave information and shared it with ‘both’ of them… Its not like you said your wife can’t see it. You tried to show him a tattoo without exposing yourself – he took an opportunity to view the full image when really it was clear that wasn’t your intention.

    Please believe if they are experiencing issues with their relationship it is because there are issues with their relationship and not because of anything you did!

  10. I’m going to comment even though I’m making assumptions that may prove to be wrong … I always think when things like this happen it says a lot less about you, and a lot more about the other people, and most certainly about their relationship, and her feelings of security (or lack there of).

    One of the things I love about the sex blogging community is that women (and the gentlemen and non gender conforming folks too) raise each other up and see each other as allies not opponents. Unfortunately I find that in other areas of my life (and sadly also in some parts of the kink community) women cannot help but see other women as a threat, especially if we are unashamed of who we are.

    I am so sorry this experience has left you feeling so unsettled. I may not have met you but I have good internet intuition and you are a wonderful person and if myself and Bakji met you out and about I’d have no issues with you handing him you card =D

    I very much hope the next instalment of this leads to a resolution of sorts, but if it doesn’t, then remember this really is a case of ‘it’s them not you.’ xx

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