Hiding Eyes

hiding eyes

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just don’t look into my eyes.”

hiding eyes
Posing for a photo, while hiding the pain in my heart.

I remember the day this photo was taken so clearly. Two weeks after her passing her house was empty, but it would be another three weeks until we had to hand in the keys. Master T and I decided to use the opportunity to take some pictures. I have one or two more to share, but today I wanted to share this one. Back then I was numb with grief and could hardly cry. There were just so much that still had to be arranged. Eventually the tears came, first almost every day, then a couple of times a week and now, six months down the line, I rarely cry, but whenever I speak about my mom or how hard I sometimes find my life at the moment, the tears come. Even writing this here cause tears to burn my eyes. I turn my face away from people. I hide my eyes. I don’t want them to see my pain, because I know only time can heal it.

So yes, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.

Life goes on, and I am concentrating on positive things, concentrating on my goals. Doing things that give me energy. Embarking on new adventures. And all the while, deep inside, I am working through my pain.

One day… one day, I will allow you to look into my eyes again…

© Rebel’s Notes

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16 thoughts on “Hiding Eyes

  1. Our eyes truly are the windows to our souls. Sorry to hear you are hurting so much. Losing someone so close to you is like losing a part of yourself. But I hope the fond memories you have of your mom keep you going. May the future hold positive things in store. Hugs xx

  2. A beautiful photo of you Marie. grief is such a difficult thing to overcome. The memories and the feelings are so deep and raw, they never quite disappear. But time really does heal, and I hope you take comfort in the fact you are doing so much for others. I hope it won’t be too long before we are able to look into your eyes xx

  3. Jo says:

    It’s wonderful that you are taking all the time you need to heal and allowing yourself to grieve while also being able to appreciate the beautiful and positive things in your life. Huge hugs!

  4. Oh my dear friend. I hope that this year helps to bring you some peace and contentment and I can’t wait to be able to give you a proper big hug in person

    Mollyx

  5. Those words – I feel every one. It’s amazing how much we can hide to the world if they don’t pay attention to our eyes.

    I was recently looking through images of my dad and I can pinpoint exactly the moment he knew he was dying. All his expressions are the same but his eyes changed. I too have his brown eyes.

    I am sending you so much love and hugs… I’m here if you ever need an ear. x

  6. Rebel you are so honest. Yes, it is a hot and sexy photo but your words tell us of your grief. Who would not be moved by your suffering. And one day we will see your eyes again. CP xx

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