Ex Trail

ex lovers

Looking back on my life before Master T, I actually didn’t know whether I should be ashamed or smile. I decided to do the latter. You see, I have quite a trail of exes, and maybe I should be ashamed, but life was just not always kind to me. But, that’s a story for another time.

I wondered what kind of post this will be if I just start writing about those exes and see what comes up (pun intended). So here goes…

The very first ex I remember was when I was a girl of 14 and he was really THE hunk of the class. My teenage love for him was deep and never-ending, and he finally saw me when his relationship with the most popular girl of the class dumped him. We had a steamy romance that lasted maybe two months, but he finally ended the relationship because the popular girl wanted him back. Sexy things happened between him and me, but it was never more than kissing and groping and slipping hands into underpants. Coming to think of it, he might be the first lover who saw me naked.

The second significant ex was the father of my daughter. I met him when I was 15, fell pregnant by him when I was 16 (he was 18) and halfway through the pregnancy he disappeared from my life, never to be seen of heard of again. I had tried to look for him many times, but never found him. Sex between him and me was hot. He was the first one who penetrated me (and got me pregnant right there on the first time) and we had sex all over. In his bed, in his married brother’s bed, outside in the field, in the car. Wherever we could!

I met my first husband two years later and we got married when my daughter was four. We were married for two years and in those two years my son was born. I left him because he abused my daughter and promised our son of 7 months would eventually receive the same treatment. Sex between us was good, but not spectacular. It was familiar. We were good together and we could easily have been together for the rest of our lives, had he not hit my child so bad that one night. Why I contacted him several years later and had (disappointing) sex with him again, I cannot explain. Why I searched for him about 8 years ago and found him, I cannot explain either. Maybe because he is the father of my son and my daughter carries his name. I don’t know. He’s still somewhere in the shadows, only a message away, but we both keep our distance from each other.

The next ex was a man 4 years younger than me. We could talk for hours, went on hiking trips together, experimented with sex and he loved my kids. We were together for a year when he started to change and I was too stupid to realize that he had someone else but didn’t know how to tell me. Eventually he did. He didn’t want to stay with me because I couldn’t have any kids anymore and he really wanted a child of his own. I understood, but I was SO sad because he left. I tracked him down, many years later (see a habit here) and learned that he was divorced and not allowed to see his daughter, who was born blind. He emigrated to the other side of the world, to get away from his own sadness and then I lost track of him.

I had one disastrous relationship after him, but I don’t reckon the man to be an ex. He doesn’t deserve to be mentioned. He was the reason I fled and immigrated to where I am now.

I had two relationships before I met Master T. The first only deserves to be mentioned because he was the one who introduced me to anal. But, he wasn’t looking for a partner. He was looking for a maid. He literally told me that.

The last ex before I met Master T was my second husband. He was sweet and kind and loving, to me and to my kids, but six months into our rushed wedding, he started to change. He didn’t talk to my kids anymore and despite us being married, I ended up doing many things alone and sometimes even felt lonely. Sex was never good, but I thought our companionship could pull us through. Until that disappeared to. I kept quiet about my bad marriage towards the family, to ashamed to admit it to anyone, even my mom. Three years down the line, in an unguarded moment I made a remark and mom picked up on it. By then he and I were fighting almost constantly. He was the one who first mentioned divorce and I was shocked when I heard it, because the thought had not crossed my mind by then. There I was, fighting to keep everything together and he was bailing out. That disappointed me so much and two months later, after I had gotten used to the idea, I told him I wanted out.

Four months later I met Master T.

This is not a sexy post at all, but it made me think of something. They say people come into our lives for a reason and once they have ‘served their purpose’ they leave. Why were these men in my life. My teenage love was responsible for the death of my best friend, after which my daughter was named. The second ex fathered my daughter. My first husband fathered my son and adopted my daughter as his own, giving my kids the same name. The younger man helped me to explore much of my sexuality and by talking until deep in the night, made me accept the side of me which fancies women. The first ex in this country ‘taught’ me about anal sex, and the last one, my second husband… well, my marriage to him secured my place in this country. I guess each and every one of them really had an important role in my life.

Not one of them was as important as Master T, but without my experiences with them, I might never have appreciated what I have my husband. It’s special and priceless and forever and he is the only man who will never join my trail of exes!

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© Rebel’s Notes

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8 thoughts on “Ex Trail

  1. Thanks for sharing this Rebel, I don’t know how I missed it before. It sounds like you have had to do some emotional and physical living and relating to get to where you are now. Bet you are not only in a much better place relationship wise but also a much stronger person for it.
    Indie xox

  2. Yes I think you are right about people playing a role in our lives, even sometimes negatives ones lead us hopefully to where we are ultimately meant to be

    Mollyx

  3. Jo says:

    People do flit in and out of our lives for various reasons; even if they don’t stay in our lives forever, we can usually learn something about ourselves, other people, or the world around us from our interactions with them – it’s awesome that you can see a positive impacts (or at least impacts that led to a positive change in your life) from all your exes!

  4. Sometimes we have to wade through the muck to find the beauty on the other side, as you have. As I have. I’ve had a string of ex-girlfriends and one ex-wife who all did a crackin’ job of breaking me down and leaving me feeling worthless, all for Mrs. AP to help restore me and lift me up. I’d never have found her, or her me, if I hadn’t been driven into those dark, dirty places.

    Bravo to you, to me, and to all the others who found their way through the muck to find the beauty on the other side!

  5. I think you are right to smile . . . in triumph I think, because you have travelled such an amazing journey to find that place in which you can feel happiest and most fulfilled.
    I’m ever more in awe !!!
    Xxx – K

  6. alan_inlondon says:

    what an interesting life you have had, some good and some bad but you have come through it all and your a better person for it, and your in a happy stable place now.
    it is interesting when you have kids (i don’t have any ) but i remember when i was growing up i was expected and encouraged to bed as many girls (partners) as i could “root toot and shoot – springs to mind” – i had a sister and she was expected to be celibate till she was married (i am presuming that you can guess that i am much older than you – old school as they say). so to my mind your an interesting well rounded young lady – one that knows her mind and who isn’t afraid to look and move forward – so well done YOU
    i just hope that 2018 is a good one for you and Master T

  7. Very insightful post – I know I should get round to writing one similar – but it is difficult thinking back to the times, and the men you are glad are in the past – emotional journey. Well done for going there with most of your ex’s

  8. A very powerful and moving post Rebel. You write so honestly of your past journey. We all have troubles in our lives but you seem to have had far more than your fair share. I’m just so glad life got so much better for you. CP xx

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