“Going Dutch” is a term that indicates that each person participating in a group activity pays for himself, rather than any person paying for anyone else, particularly in a restaurant bill.
I know the above is what you think of when you hear ‘going Dutch’ but today I want to talk about something totally different.
As you might know, I have been hosting a Dutch writing group from December 2012. I did it with great pleasure and it really taught me a lot about myself.
Back when Annie Player asked me whether I would be interested in starting a similar thing in the Netherlands than she had going in London (Erotic Meet), I told Master T that I don’t think I can pull it off. He said I could, but I highly doubted it, since I am shy with new people and how in the world can a shy person host a group where strangers come to talk about writing?
After talking about it for an entire day, doubting myself and worrying whether I could pull it off, but also worrying about saying no and maybe regretting it, I told Master T that I am going to jump in with both feet and see where it takes me.
“If I don’t like it, I can stop,” I told him.
It took my five years to get to the point where I wanted to stop.
My decision to stop wasn’t a split-second one. In fact, I thought about it for months and couldn’t get myself to even talk to Master T about stopping, I mentioned it to my mom back in the hospice, but she was in no way capable of discussing it with me. If I have to be really honest, my mom’s illness has shown me how short life is, how suddenly it can end and it made me realized that you should do the things you still want to do NOW. Don’t postpone. Mom wanted to make a trip on the Trans-Siberian railroad. She wanted to go back to New York. She wanted to go back to Japan. She wanted to share many-a-Christmas with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She wanted to teach our son to cook, wanted to see her great-grandchildren grow up and just wanted to enjoy life.
She can’t do any of those things.
She didn’t even grow old.
There are so many things that I still want to do.
Wait, I am busy with SO many things. I have always been busy with SO many things. For years. My blog, Wicked Wednesday, other memes, writing a book, being active in the English community, the Dutch group, trying to build a Dutch erotic community. And these were only the things I did connected with writing. Add to it my family, my work, my friends… I realized it was a lot. I realized I needed to make choices.
When I was really, really, REALLY honest to myself I admitted (to myself) that I didn’t get from the Dutch community what I had hoped. The erotic community I dreamed of never materialized. Don’t get me wrong, there was a tight community, but of only a handful of people. I tried, and that handful of people tried, to get more people to join, but it never worked. I have made wonderful friends, some of them who have even been to Eroticon (Liza Daen and Mahotsukai) and also join in on Wicked Wednesday (Liza, Mahotsukai and Luckyman) with their English stories. I would not have met Sophia was it not for the Dutch writing group. Those people and others like Thislexy and Sandra and Secret2all and many others (they know who they are) will not disappear from my life, but I have chosen to leave the Dutch community behind me and concentrate on the English one.
I will forever be grateful to the five years I have run the Dutch writing group, because it taught me that I can organize meetings and lead a group, that I can face strange people, talk to them and make them feel welcome. That I have the self-confidence to do this.
It’s not an experience I will ever regret, but I might have if I had continued for another year. Does that make sense?
I will still go to some of the Dutch meetings, which will now be hosted by Liza Daen, and, I will still sometimes write in Dutch.
You see, this is what this post is all about. Talking about those stories I have written in Dutch, for feedback in the Dutch community. I don’t want to lose those stories now I have decided to stop my writing group and therefore I have decided to re-post those stories on this site. Many of those stories are English ones I have rewritten in Dutch, specifically because I wanted feedback. Others have originally been written in Dutch and I might translate them to English.
In the coming weeks (maybe not every week) I will post Dutch stories on this blog Thursdays. I will make cross-references to the original English ones, so my English readers can enjoy the story too!
So, for a short percentage, Rebel’s Notes is ‘going Dutch’ but as said in the beginning, in a different way than you might have expected.
© Rebel’s Notes
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