Allow me to talk about aspects of our relationship, the fascination I have for Histoire d’O and the similarities between the two. I frequently call the movie my ‘training video’. Each time I see it, I discover more aspects of my submissive self.
Continued from… The Story of O (2) – Crossing Legs
René takes O to Roissy and when she gets out of the car, she asks him if he will be there too. He says he will.
This scene made me think about how Master T has promised me over and over that he always be there. I will never be alone in any of our sexual endeavors. This has become one of our ground rules – even if I am the only one having sex with whomever we are with, Master T is always present in the room. He will never leave me alone.
The first time this happened – that someone fucked me while Master T was present – it felt weird. Here I was, allowing another man to fuck me, while my husband was in the room and watching. But, I soon understood that I am not ‘allowing’ a man to fuck me, but that it is Master T’s desire that I should be fucked by others and that he wants to watch. He expects me to allow others to use my body the way he intends it to be used, and because he expects it, he approves. It wasn’t during the first time that this knowledge came to me, and maybe even not during the second time. It gradually grew on me, and gradually I realized that what we are doing is fulfilling both our dreams.
Master T has once said that one man is not enough for me, and because of that – and because it excites him too – he wanted to give me to others, but on one condition – he is always present.
I have sometimes tried to imagine myself fucking another man without Master T’s knowledge, but even the thought of it made me feel insecure and inadequate. Because Master T is in the room when another fucks me, I feel whole. Because he is there to protect me and to proudly give me to another, I feel secure. Does this even make sense? If I am to be with a man (or woman) without Master T in the room (and obviously without his approval) I will not be able to enjoy any of it. I can only enjoy being fucked by another because Master T is in the room with me.
“I’ll be here,” are the words I want to hear from Master T when I do what he expects of me: to give my body to another to use.
To be continued… The Story of O (4) – Tears
© Rebel’s Notes
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