Red Is Not The End

stop button

Josh ran his hand over his wife’s plump curves. “How hard and for how long?”
“You’re in charge, sir. I know I need a good cry though, so don’t stop just because I say no, only if I say red.”
“Red as in stop?”
“Yes, sir. It’s a safe word in case I can’t take anymore.”
“Then you are actually in charge, not me.”
“No…! I mean… what if?”
“What if? What if I decide to beat you unmercifully?”
“No, you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Do you trust me, Deb? Do you trust me to spank you as you need?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Then you may say red, but it will mean pause, not end. The end is when I say so.”
“Yes, sir.”

The above is the last paragraph of a delicious story written by LS. Ever since I read this last paragraph, words have been forming in my head. While the words were still forming, the prompt of Kink of the week landed in my inbox.

First I have to say that I have never needed my safeword with Master T and I don’t think I will ever need it. However, I have once needed my safeword with someone else, but then I forgot to use it. Yes, I forgot that I even had a safeword. I have a theory about that – the reason I forgot about my safeword. You see, for many years I had this feeling that if I used my safeword, all play would stop. I have read a post by Molly (it’s an older post and I couldn’t find the link) where she explained that she also uses her safeword when, for example, a light shines in her eyes and she cannot get into the moment. This more or less made it clear to me that using a safeword doesn’t mean everything has to stop and cannot continue again.

Still, even when playing with others, I never even thought of my safeword. I never was prepared to use my safeword, if necessary. I have to make a sidestep to something else to explain what went on in my mind all this time. One thing I never want to do is to be the one who is in charge. There’s something in my personality that prevents me from being in charge when it comes to sexual things. I have no problem to take charge at my work or in other difficult family situations, but when it comes to sexual things, I gladly leave it to Master T (or the man joining us for play) to be in charge. Something else I also never want to do is to top from the bottom. What I want is to do whatever is expected of me, to follow, not to lead.

This brings me back to safewords. I think deep in me, my thinking indeed has been: if I use my safeword, it means I am in charge. It wasn’t a conscious thing at all, but the moment I read LS’s text, I realized: yes! That’s how it should be. I trust Master T. We never play with anyone we don’t trust, so yes, if another man is in charge, there is trust. I trust them to stop when I use my safeword, but from now on, I will also trust them not to stop completely, but that when I use my safeword, it will only mean pause and stopping will only happen when they say so. This is the way I want it, to follow, not to lead.

Somehow I just needed that last puzzle piece to fall into place and LS’s story certainly had done just that for me!

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© Rebel’s Notes

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4 thoughts on “Red Is Not The End

  1. I can totally get this feeling, although it’s not one that usually occurs to me. We make checking-in such a regular part of our play that I can use “red” if things are too much, but since he’s set up the expectation by asking me to give him an answer, I still feel like he’s in control.

    I like knowing that when we play, he’s watching me like such a hawk that I don’t (usually) have to give a word at all. But it’s also comforting that he asks – which sort of takes that burden off of me of having to call the moment.

    But yes, I used to think saying red meant everything stopped, and now, after enough time and communication, he may decide I’m done even when I’m begging him to continue and he may switch things up after I’ve given him a red. Because, ya know, HE’S in control. 🙂

  2. Absolutely yes to this…. it took me a while to get to that place where I knew saying my safeword would not make everything stop but now I know that is the case and that it is part of our communicating to one another I feel much more confident in both using it and understanding its role

    Mollyxxx

  3. I hadn’t even considered that aspect, maybe that’s the reason I feel bad about safewording. I always feel I’ve let both him and myself down when I’ve used it, even if I’ve been pushed into it. Hmmm…I shall go away and do some pondering.

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