This is a post that I have been wanting to write for a very long time. I just needed to wait for the right time to write it, and I guess this is the right time. Why? Well, nothing shocking actually. It’s time for the #sexysearching meme again. I ran through the search terms of the past month and there it was:
plugged as punishment
Those that have been following this blog for some time or have been reading up on our D/s journey will know that I have my daily and weekly tasks to follow. Now I have to admit that due to me not being well for quite some time (don’t worry, things are already a lot better!) many of those tasks have disappeared to the back. While not being able to perform those tasks as I did before, I thought about it a lot. There were many times that I thought to start on some of them again, but then something in my health made me decide to wait.
But, there was one thing in particular I constantly thought about it.
I love my butt plug. I love the feeling of being filled, but at the same time I love that it has the ability to spark my submissive feelings. Don’t ask me how and why, it just happens. When the plug is inside me and I am constantly aware of it, I am also constantly aware of Master T’s control over me. I almost never put my plug in by my own decision. The times I have put it in without being told, I normally take it out and don’t even tell Master T that I had it in. I love wearing the plug, but I prefer to be told to wear it.
However, there is one situation where I don’t like to wear the plug, even if being instructed. Then I don’t like it at all!
The plug is one of the devices Master T turns to for punishment. No matter how much I love the feeling of the plug, no matter how wet I get from it, I hate to wear it for punishment. Yes, I want to wear the plug, but I don’t want to wear it when it represents punishment. Then all those sexy feelings I have are gone and replaced by guilt and apology. When I wear it for punishment, I can’t wait for the time to be up so I can take it out again. Yes, when the plug us used for punishment, I loathe the plug.
I know it’s all psychological. The ‘want to’ and the ‘have to’. Want to yes, have to no, even though both involves inserting the plug and wearing it for the time Master T had determined beforehand. I just think this is an incredibly interesting phenomenon.
There’s something else regarding the plug that I have been thinking about.
My task was to wear the plug three times a week for at least two hours. Those days were the Monday, Thursday and Saturday. I did what I was told to do, for weeks, possibly months until I couldn’t anymore. In the meantime the discomforts I had are more or less gone, but I still haven’t started wearing the plug again. There is something (except for the occasional physical discomfort I sometimes still have) that holds me back. I’ve been wondering about this for weeks, trying to analyze my feelings on this, wondering why I’m not so keen on wearing the plug on said times again. And then, just recently, I realized what the reason might be.
It was while I was thinking about wanting to wear the plug for a night, wanting to sleep with it. There’s just something magical about sleeping with the plug. Not when I have to for punishment, as explained above, but just because Master T wants me to wear it. Many nights I have lain next to him with the question on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to ask him whether I can sleep with the plug. But then again, I didn’t want to ask, because when I ask for it, it won’t give me the same satisfaction or special feelings as when he just tells me to wear it. I know, it’s stupid and complicated, but that’s just the way I am. Also, I am ‘afraid’ that when I tell him that wearing the plug three days a week every week has become a drag and it’s not exciting anymore and I would much rather wear the plug for a full night, he might make that a task. You know, tell me that I have to wear the plug every Friday night, or every Saturday night. And if that happens the ‘magic’ of sleeping with the plug will be gone.
So yes, what I am saying is that wearing the plug on said times every week is a drag. It’s not a drag to do tasks Master T gives me, but the excitement of tasks wear off when they become regular things and Master T gives little to no attention to it. Yes, when I mention that I’m wearing the plug, he says something like “of course you are, because you know you should” and that makes me proud to hear his approval, but somehow I would much rather have him give me a task unexpectedly.
Does all of this even make sense?
I crave wearing the plug again and I know I should start wearing it again, but with all these thoughts in my head, I need a push in the back. In other words, I just need Master T to tell me to wear it again… and I will. Even if it’s for punishment… or even if it becomes a ‘regular’ task again.
© Rebel’s Notes
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