Broken light

It seems that my posts for the last couple of Wicked Wednesdays have all been about me personally, almost as if I am turning my eyes inward to see what I have learned about myself over the years. I have tried to write fiction for these prompts, but the stories just didn’t want to form, which was a clear sign to me that posts about the real me first had to be written, before I would be ready to write the fiction.

We are all broken that’s how the light gets in

 

When I saw this quote for the first time, I immediately started to nod. I didn’t have to think about it, didn’t have to analyze it, didn’t have to wonder about it. I just immediately understood.

Yes, we are all broken and no we are not.

Allow me to explain my view on this.

Broken, in this case, should not be taken literally in all cases. Yes, some people have really been broken and had to go through intense times to heal and get back to a place where they felt stronger again and could face life again. But, for the most of us broken is equal to life’s experience. We are formed through our lives and the life experience forms us, breaks us and gives us different facets, like diamond. Light reflects off and through those surfaces. If we were not formed by life, we would be flat and dull and uninteresting to others. If we were not formed by life, the light would not be able to shine in and show the world just how awesome we are. Yes, awesome, because all of us are awesome in our own right.

Then again, I will be the last one to apply the word awesome to myself. I have said it many times: I am just me. What you see is what you get. I am always just the real me, whether online or in real life. No pretense. Just me.

Of course the quote and my instant understanding of it made me think of many things I have gone through in my life. I guess others will look upon it that I haven’t had an easy life up to the time I met Master T, but I never looked at it in that way, and I still don’t. I have always just been busy living life, sometimes trying my best to survive and all I have gone through have made me the person I am today. Light reflects off the different facets where I have been ‘broken’.

Some of those facets were formed without me being broken. I like to think of the different roles I have as facets too. Such as being a daughter and a mother, a friend, a colleague, a grandmother, a wife and even a sister. The things that broke me gave each of those facets a different kind of shine. I was a teen mom and I was barely out of my teens when my second child was born. It had to be like that because if I hadn’t have my kids at such a young age, I might never have had children at all, as my uterus was removed just before I turned 25. As a mom (and probably also as a grandmom) I protect my kids with my life. I have raised my kids with the knowledge that they can discuss everything with me and tell me everything, because I didn’t want them to grow up like I did: afraid to tell about something nasty that has happened (sexual abuse) because you know you will be the one getting in trouble. Not because the abuser said so, but because your father won’t believe you. As a colleague I give others the room to make mistakes, because I have learned the hard way (burnout) that it’s okay to make mistakes, that we are all humans and that we cannot be perfect, even if we try very hard every day. I’ve had two marriages to practice for the third, and have learned through those what’s important, what I should appreciate. I have never been so happy in a relationship than I am now.

brokenworldBit by bit pieces of me have been broken, but all of those broken piece put together have made me stronger; have made me into the person I am today. I always say: I am just me. I am who I am and I actually like the person I have become. I have come a long way to like myself, have come a long way to accept myself and maybe have even come a longer way to get to know myself.

I love how the light reflects off the different facets that make me. I have been broken, and I have not been put back perfectly again. The way the pieces have been put back suits me a lot better!

© Rebel’s Notes

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