“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” – Anais Nin
Source: Submissive Guide
When I read this quote of Anais Nin’s words, I wanted to stand on a rooftop and cry out to the world: yes, yes, YES! Every single word in this quote could have come from my mouth – and possibly the mouths of many other female subs out there.
“I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
I am a strong woman. I always have been. Sometimes I failed to see my own strength, especially in periods that I was caught up in problems. All that mattered then was to get the problems solved, to get my life back on track again, to be strong for my children. Each and every time I managed to pull out of negative periods and continue with my life. My life has not been easy, but it was relatively happy. The last 13 years, since I met Master T, has been the happiest of them all. It’s only when I take the time to stop and look back at the almost 50 years of my life, and the things I have been through, that I understand that I am indeed a strong woman. But this is not a thing I tell myself every day. I just live my life and do things the way I think they should be done, or the way I am told that they should be done. I stand on my own feet, make my own decisions, but I always run the bigger ones by Master T. I have my set of rules and I know exactly what things I am not allowed to decide about, and this gives me more freedom than I can express in words.
“I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated.”
I work. I lead. I plan. I organize. I decide.
I am a fulltime professional, leading a department of administrative people and together we form are the team who support the rest of the company. Like in so many other production companies, all jobs start with us and all of them end with us too. We have to translate the clients needs into an order for the production department and we need to inform the clients of problems along the way. In the end we send the final product off to the client and make sure an invoice is issued. I don’t do any operational work, but do check the work the others do and solve the problem cases. Some days are incredibly busy, others less so, leaving me time to write. I can hold my ground here at work, and even in my own company which I have officially started this year. I have a voice and people listen to what I have to say. But at the end of the day, when I arrive home, I am His again. I’m still the intellectual, strong woman, but I am His to dominate, His to steer wherever He wants me and yet again, this gives me the all the freedom I have ever wanted.
“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot.”
Yes. So many times yes. I don’t want to be the leader. I want to follow Him. I want Him to make my life rich and dark by dominating me and forming me to His hand. I want to be the woman He desires, want to be the one He commands for His pleasure, the one He turns to for His sexual needs. I want to be on my knees at His feet where I feel safe and protected and far away from any problems the outside world might cause me.
I find freedom in the boundaries He sets for me. I find freedom in the way He allows me and demands of me to serve Him. This is the kind of freedom that makes me feel safe.
I have never been as free as I am now, submissive to my Husband, following my Leader.
© Rebel’s Notes
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