Warning: This might come across as a bit of a rant…
Sometimes I see tweets on Twitter and I immediately think they are meant for me. Obviously, those tweets are not addressed at me. They are subtweets. They are meant for someone, but without mentioning who it is for. It can be for one person or for more. There is no way of telling. Somehow subtweeting always touches me. I always start asking myself questions, thinking about my blog posts or something I have done and apply the subtweet to that. Ask myself whether I could have done it differently. If the person who subtweeted isn’t maybe right. That I was wrong, that I have to change my ways. Have to do things differently.
That is what I tell myself every time: STOP
Every time I go into the negative spiral of thinking subtweets are meant for me, I stop myself. The last time being about two weeks ago. Stop, I told myself, just stop!
Those little voices in my head started a discussion. Even IF the subtweet was meant for me, even if I was included in the group of people who had been addressed, then I am still not going to change the way I do things. You see, I do things the way I want it. I do things the way I think is the best. The way that feels good to me. My way! Whenever I write something, I always think about how it can come across to others. I never want to hurt other’s feelings, but sometimes I seem to do. This is always unintentional. I am just not the kind of person who deliberately hurt others.
But, there’s more. I work very hard at making a success of my websites. Yes, websites, because I don’t only have this blog, but as probably all of you know I also run Wicked Wednesday. Then there’s my 365 project that I am doing with great pleasure and will definitely continue into next year. And last, but not least, I have my Dutch writer’s group and the site I maintain for it. I run a writing marathon and I try to write frequent posts for it, with helpful tips for writers. I’m even thinking to take the group to a higher level, but those plans are still in the infancy phase. Like I said, I work hard to make a success of all of this and I do it besides the 40 hour-per-week job I have. To make a success, I also promote myself wherever I can. I try not to annoy people with the way I promote, but yet again, I cannot please everyone. Yet again, I do it my way.
Then there’s the things I write about. Yep, you’ve guess it. I do this my way too.
Actually, all through my life I have done things my way. When I fell pregnant at the age of 16 there were people who wanted me to have an abortion and others who wanted me to have my child adopted. I refused both. I raised my child myself, no matter how hard it was. I divorced twice because it just didn’t work and I didn’t want to raise my kids in a loveless marriage the way my parents had raised us, staying together for the children. I started a new life in a totally different country, against the advice of many people. Even making no secret of the fact that I have a sex blog, I am doing my way too. I don’t tell people what my pseudonym is, but I make no secret of the fact that I have a sex blog, that I write erotica, that I run a group for erotic writers. This way, if someone stumble over my blog(s), they will have little power over me. The only knowledge they will gain is my pseudonym. They knew the rest already. This might be seen as ‘short-sighted’ on my side, but still, it’s the way I do things. It’s what feels good to me.
I just do things my way and even though it might be criticized by others, it’s still my way. And believe me, the criticism touches me. It makes me doubt myself. It even sometimes makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide from the world. But I always come back to my own core: I know who I am and how I am and how I take the feelings of others into consideration. Knowing this I always come back to pushing the negative feelings away and I continue to do things MY way. Even the fact that criticism and subtweeting and opinions of others touch me, is MY way too.
I don’t say my way is the right way, but it sure is the way that works for me.
© Rebel’s Notes
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