No Doubt

Back in May I ended my postย saying that I was going to start saving money for the huge tattoo I wanted. I was excited and happy about my decision. As the weeks after that passed by, I started doubting that decision. What if the tattoo I wanted was too big? Will I really be happy with a tattoo that big? What if I hate it after a couple of weeks?

I was not worried about the design I had chosen. The only thing that bothered me was the size. I mean, a tattoo running from my right shoulder, down the right side of my back, curving towards my hip and then to the front to meet the tattoo on my leg – that is BIG. And if I regretted it, there was no way I was going to get it from my body once it’s on there. I did not speak up about these doubts. I tried to convince myself that it was just a phase I was going through. That I just had to get used to the idea of the tattoo.

Then my friend called. Her tattoo needed some touching up and she wanted to know whether I would go with her for it. Of course I wanted to go with her, because I still had to make my appointment for my big tattoo. And I had to make it in person, because I had to pay a deposit. About 45 minutes before my friend was due to pick me up, I blurted it out. I told Master T about my doubts, asked Him whether it would be too much to have such a large tattoo. Asked Him if He really was okay with it. He assured me that He was okay with it, but at the same time He told me that it’s my body and I should decide about it. I had His approval. I told Him how much I doubted my decision.

“If you are in doubt, then don’t do it.”
That was exactly what I wanted to hear. It was like a weight fell of my shoulders. I realized that I should not have waited this long to talk to Master T. I was relieved.

And then the doubt started again.

Yes, I know. I know. It seems like I could not make up my mind, right? But the fact is, I want the tattoo. I really want it. It was not the tattoo that I doubted, it was the size. Just before my friend arrived I grabbed the pictures I still had in the drawer and decided to take them with me. I wanted another chat with the artist.

tattoolily1

An hour later I was grinning from ear to ear. I had shown the artist the picture and we talked the design through. He asked me what the names of the flowers were and verified the lines I wanted in there. He said the tattoo would be done in such a way that it could always be expanded if I decided to go bigger after all. This new design we talked through was going to run from my right shoulder down to my waist.

The artist gave me three prices. One for an all black tattoo, one for a tattoo with black outlines and filled with colors and one for a 3D tattoo. While my friend’s tattoo was touched up, I had time to think. I did not want an all black tattoo, that I knew. And then, even though I love 3D tattoos, I doubted whether I want it. Both my other tattoos have black outlines and were colored in. I want it to be a bit of a unity. In my mind a 3D tattoo would look out of place. So I decided on the middle one, which was also the middle price the artist gave me.

When my friend was done, I was ready to make an appointment and ready to pay my deposit. I had no doubt in my mind. It has been seven weeks since the day I paid the deposit and I am still excited about it. No doubts at all.

And you know what? This coming Saturday I will probably be in pain and at times really hate the artist. But, after a couple of hours I will be the proud owner of a new tattoo! I am SO excited!!!

ยฉ Rebel’s Notes

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