Shame No More

I would lie if I say I have never had comments on what someone looked like. Or maybe the way someone walked. Or talked. Or the clothes they wore. Or maybe the hair style, or make-up. Or the fact that the person was too heavy. Or too skinny. Yes, I have made comments on that. I am only human and I think each and every one of us make comments like those I have just mentioned above.

One thing I can say for sure is that I have never shamed anyone for who they are, where they come from, what they look like, how they talk, how they walk. We are all different. We all have our habits, the way we do things, the way we talk. Some of us have accents, others lisp and some of us cannot roll our R’s, like me. Some people are very thin and no matter how much they eat, they just stay thin. Others gain wait almost by only looking at food. Some of us have never had any operations, but others carry ugly scars. Some women who had children have beautiful bodies, no scars, no stretch marks at all. Others have stretch marks even though they have used vitamin E oil and other supplements from the moment they decided that they wanted to become pregnant.

There are people out there who like to bring others down. Who like to make negative comments and hurt others. Why do they do that? If you are a person who take another’s feelings into consideration, you probably cannot comprehend why those negative people cannot just keep their thoughts to themselves. Why they have to bring others down. But, my opinion is, that many of those negative people do it because it makes them feel better about themselves. It diverts the attention away from them and towards the person they are shaming.

But, I want to mention a different kind of body shaming. This of course is not what body shaming is about but this is what came to mind with this prompt. The kind where you shame yourself. Think about those moments you stand in front of the mirror and you think ugly things about yourself. About your body, about your hair, about your face. Maybe you even mumble those ugly things to yourself. And by thinking or saying those ugly things, you bring yourself down.

I do that. I stand in front of the mirror and look at my tummy, look at the scar on it, look at the roundness of my belly and my bottom and I call myself a fat cow. It makes me feel bad, it sets the tone for my day. Sometimes for several days. Something else I do is that when I know we are going to meet new people and I will be naked, I tell them about the scar on my belly. I worry about being overweight and wonder whether that would put them off. Sometimes I even do this during a date, thinking about they probably think that I am a fat cow. That always brings me in a bad frame of mind and during such a moment I have to fight to bring myself back into positivity.

20140621-005wm-breasts-masturbating
A photo where I’m masturbating in a hotel window, with the city in the background. When I first looked at this photo, I decided that it would never be published on this blog.
Until I wrote this post…
(click to enlarge)

When I discuss these things with Master T, He always says that He doesn’t see the problem. That He likes me the way I am. That I should stop bringing myself down the way I do. That there are people out there who like me just the way I am. When I showed Him the photo I intended to add to this post, His reaction was: “That’s an incredibly beautiful photo.”
I told Him what my post was about and again He looked at the photo and then said: “I don’t see the problem. I see a hot woman enjoying herself.”

I know these things He constantly repeats, but still I have my totally off days on which I keep on bringing myself down. Oh, I am not as bad anymore as I once was. There were times where I kept on bringing myself down for weeks. Months maybe. I have come a long way since then and have mainly accepted myself the way I am, including my scars and slight overweight, but unfortunately I still have my off days. On those days I might be an easy target for the nasty ‘shamers’ out there.

I always return to being happy with myself. To accepting myself the way I am. And the time between two spells of not feeling good about myself gets longer. So, generally I can say that I am happy with myself, that I accept myself, that I accept that I do not have a perfect body. And frankly, I prefer my body with its curves and history written on it. I just have to stop having moments in which I bring myself down and feel ashamed about what I look like! It’s time to have shame no more and be proud of who I am!

© Rebel’s Notes

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