T is for Terminal

T could have been for training, tongue, tits or threesome. But like with some other letters, one word shot into my mind the moment I saw the letter and no matter what I did, I could not forget it. Maybe the Wicked Wednesday prompt for this week had something to do with it.

Fifteen years ago I watched a friend die. I wasn’t there when at the moment of his death, but I was there when they took his medicine away, because the medicine made him sicker than he already was. And there was no other medicine for him to take. He went without medicine for 6 months, and died.

hivaidsMy friend died of AIDS.

He was one of the first men who was diagnosed to be HIV positive back in 84/85. I got to know him as a colleague in ’89 and he became a friend. Only in ’96 I learned that he was HIV positive. This did not change my friendship for him. Or no, wait, that’s a lie. It did change it. We became even closer. We corresponded a lot – first sending each other real letters and then later, when he had Internet at home, sending each other long emails once a week. He told me his entire life story and said that he wanted to write it down, to write a book about it. He died before he could do it. I used the letters and emails and I wrote his story for him. His story was one of the books I self-published.

This friend of mine was gay. He had a boyfriend from roundabout ’80 or ’81 and he was faithful to his boyfriend. He never slept around. The same could not be said for the man he was in love with. My friend’s boyfriend used drugs and fucked around with other men, not using any protection. The boyfriend knew he was HIV positive long before my friend knew it. Only on the day one of their mutual friends – and one the boyfriend had been fucking around with – died, did my friend learn that his boyfriend was HIV positive. By then their relationship was almost non-existent. My friend had himself tested and learned that he was HIV positive, that he had been infected by the only one he loved and the only one he was ever intimate with.

My friend kept his being HIV positive a secret. He fell in love many times, but he never had a relationship again. He never told any of us – his colleagues and friends – about being HIV positive. We all learned about it when he almost died in ’96. Only a handful of friend stayed at his side. The others abandoned him. He had three more good years before he got sick again… and the rest, as they say, is history.

So, safe sex? Yes, for sure. Practicing safe sex in my writing? Yes, if it fits in my story and needs to be said, condoms will be used. Seeing someone die from a terminal disease had been quite a traumatic experience and when I wrote the book, it was like I went through it all again. Up to now I have not been brave enough to work anything of this experience into my writing, but maybe one day I will.

One last thought on HIV and AIDS… I know I have been lucky. I slept around, fucked around, had one night stands, etcetera, but never once have I suffered from a STD and I know I am not HIV positive. I have been tested, because about a year or so after my friend died, I suddenly panicked and wondered whether without knowing, I might be HIV positive too. Thankfully I wasn’t, and I know I have been lucky. I am not one to preach, but please, use your common sense in your sexual adventures and practice safe sex at all times! You might know where you have been and with who, but you never know that of your ‘not-permanent’ย sex partner(s)!

Seeing someone die of AIDS is not a nice thing to experience… being the one dying of AIDS even less so!

ยฉ Rebel’s Notes

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This post also links in with the A-Z Blogging Challenge
T = Terminal

20 thoughts on “T is for Terminal

  1. Luckily… although that is not the right word…. HIV is no longer the death sentence that is used to be, not that that is a reason to not be aware of it as it is still a life altering disease. Sadly though the rates of other STD’s, some of which can be fairly nasty, seems to be on the rise also. For many, oral sex was a way of reducing the HIV risk but many of the other STD#s can be transmitted that way and there is still a real lack of knowledge about that in general.

    Mollyxxx

    • Oh I totally agree with you, and in places where there’s enough information, people tend to be careless and ignore it, not understanding just how important it is to know about all the dangers out there!

      Rebel xox

    • It’s mostly no longer a death sentence – there are still exceptions, as my brother was one (seven years from HIV diagnosis to death from AIDS, all in this millennium). I’m extremely glad that in the majority of cases life expectancy is now quite long (30+ years), but there are always outliers, unfortunately.

      xx Dee

      • I am so sorry to hear about your brother, Dee. Unfortunately there are always exceptions to everything, and not all exceptions are good ones. I have seen what this ugly disease can do to someone and unfortunately meds came too late for my friend.

        Rebel xox

  2. Sorry to hear of your loss.

    I had a HIV test last year; I went to the doctors for something else, they did one blood test and that came back with an elevated level of something, so they sent me for the full works – HIV, HepA, Kidney Function – everything.

    And even though I’ve been monogamous, and I trust my wife implicitly, I had a few days of sweating, “what if …” I was incredibly relieved when everything came back all clear.

    And the reason for all this … they think I probably had a cold for the first blood test! Which I caught from my wife. Probably during sex as we kissed!

  3. I’ve been in exactly the same position and my Wicked Wednesday post will also touch on this subject.

    Your friend will have appreciated your friendship and you know that you did the right thing and did not let prejudice stand in the way of your friendship with him.

    Thank you for sharing.

    ~Mia~ xx

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