The Kaleidoscope of Me

All people have many different aspects in their personalities, many different roles they play in their lives. I am no different. I have different sides to me, different behaviors for different situations. The way I am when only Master T is around, is not the way I am when my kids are around or when I am visiting my mother.

I have so many different roles in my life. The one role, that envelops all the other roles I have, is being a woman. A woman with history written on her body. The history of giving birth to children, which have left my body marked with stretch marks. The history of two huge operations, which have left me with one huge scar, running from one hipbone to the other. Yes, I do have only one scar, because the second operation was done over the first scar. The history of diets is written on my body too. It left me a bit overweight, but I don’t mind the curves that I have. As a typical woman I have days where I don’t like my tummy, or my ass, or my legs, or… you get my drift. But, generally I am happy with what I look like. I am a woman with emotions – heavy emotions. When I am sad, I am intensely sad. When I am angry, I am often enraged and want to throw things. When I am in love, I have deep feelings. I don’t always feel confident in all kinds of situations and tend to be incredibly quiet and withdrawn when I feel uncomfortable. I am a complex woman, but I don’t believe I am unique in that.

Inside my role as a woman, there are many other roles: wife, daughter, mother, grandmother. But also friend, colleague and acquaintance, as well as author, artist and coordinator. All of those roles are self-explanatory, but the one role I want to highlight is: wife.

As I said, woman envelops all the roles I have in my life. The roll wife does the same: it envelops a couple of other roles I have, such as lover, soulmate, fuckbuddy/playmate and submissive. I am, as is known to all regular readers of my blog, Master T’s submissive, but at the same time we are each other’s lovers and soulmates. I am not His fuckbuddy/playmate. I am the fuckbuddy/playmate of whoever He allows to fuck or play with me. This is part of my submission to Him – He decides who is allowed to use my body for their pleasure. This is what I want. I want Him to be the one who decides. That is part of my submission to Him – my body is His.

Like I said in the first paragraph, I have different behaviours for different situations I am in. I am submissive by nature, but even so my mother or children notice nothing of this when I am with them. To them I am a woman who knows what she wants and who is madly in love with her Husband. At work, my colleagues know I am kinky and submissive, but they have a difficult time believing this as I am the ‘boss lady’ and the one who makes the decisions. Even though I have explained that being submissive does not equal being weak, they still do not really get it.

kaleidoscope
The Kaleidoscope of Me
(Source: reflexionesfinales.blogspot.com)

When I am with Master T, I am in a totally different frame of mind, always ready for the moment He orders me to execute His wish. But, even though I am always ready, I am a busy woman, running this site like a business, doing my writing, planning ahead, making decisions, many of them without consulting Master T. It is not in our dynamic and not part of my personality to run everything by Him before I make a decision.

All these different roles I play, all the different emotions I feel, all the different things that interest me and keep me busy, all these things that are part of my personality and make me who I am… all of these things are like different colors twirling and swirling around in different patterns and popping up when needed. The can all flow into one color, or explode in different colors to make a complex picture. As complex as that picture can be, just as complex I can be. They are the different colors that make up the kaleidoscope of me.

© Rebel’s Notes

This post links in with the A-Z Blogging Challenge
K = Kaleidoscope

16 thoughts on “The Kaleidoscope of Me

  1. Such a personal post.

    I have a number of “hats” too: father, manager, author/blogger, son plus the things that people don’t always see: civil responsibilities, etc

  2. I absolutely LOVE this post. First, I love the word (and the object!) But really, this post is beautiful. Thoughtful, enlightening, deep and insightful. Thank you for allowing us to see so deeply inside of you.

    And I so recognize this…all these roles we play…they are all us, but each their own as well. Lovely.

  3. What a great word for K – and a wonderful essay to go with it. I marvel at people like yourself who are able to move from positions of responsibility to your role as a submissive without a hitch.

  4. A beautifully written account of you “the person”.

    I identify with so much of what you express here except that I am not a mother so will not be a grandmother, however, much of what you say resonates with me.

    ~Mia~

  5. kinquie says:

    Gee Rebel, this really is a masterpiece! What an insight you give here and there is so much I recognize. You really give me something to chew on for some more time. I’ll be back on this topic after thinking it over. Have a great weekend.

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