Hungry Need

Hunger.

A hunger for pain. A hunger for denial. A hunger for dominance. A hunger for Him.

A deep need.

It’s consuming me from inside. It’s all I can think about. It drives me to tears. It makes me feel insecure. Unloved. It makes me irrational in my fears.

I hunger to feel His dominance again.

I hunger for everything to return to ‘normal’ again. Our ‘normal’. Our life. Our D/s.

It has been in a holding pattern for too long now. First due to tiredness on both our sides, then due to waiting for the baby to be born. Not my baby, but for weeks I waited for the call that I should come, as I was going to witness and photograph its birth. The waiting oozed through to every part of our lives. Like I said – a holding pattern. I constantly felt as if I could not get on with everything, because we had to wait for the baby to be born.

Now that its born, I need to get back to our life.

needhunger
Source: bocasepalpites.blogspot.com

The hunger has become a dull ache inside me. I want Master T to hurt me, to really hurt me. I want Him to give me tasks to focus me all day long. No complicated tasks that He has to think about for weeks, but simple tasks. Something to make me feel me again. Because that is it: I am out of touch with myself. I feel adrift. Lost. I need to be me, need to feel my submission, my love, my devotion again. Even though we have a date for a play date soon and I know I will probably feel pain then, it is not enough. I don’t need to feel dominance from anyone else, I need to feel it coming from Master T.

I need to reconnect with Him. I feel out of touch. With Him, with myself, with us. Writing this brings tears to my eyes. The need, the hunger – it’s destroying me.

I need Master T, hunger for His dominance over me. Hunger for Him to hurt me, for Him to control me, for Him to show me I am still His to do with whatever He desires.

I hunger for my Master T.

© Rebel’s Notes

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Wicked Wednesday

This post links in with the A-Z Blogging Challenge
N = Need

24 thoughts on “Hungry Need

  1. We’ve been there; life can really ruin a sex life as the crap takes time to sort itself out. But I;m sure things will work out fine.

  2. this made me almost cry…you have had such a beautiful event in your family, but i know that a longing like that can nearly kill you…i hope your holding pattern ends soon. xoxoxo

  3. I understand your hunger and your need for intensity to reset your balance and restore you. It will come and I hope it is soon. I hope you get the depth on pain and dominance that you need. This post wrenched deep inside me as your need is so clear.

    Xxx

  4. Such an honest post, your need seems to spill out of every word, in a way i recognise so well. All i can say from my experience, and from following your blog that Master T will recognise the need, just as Carter does for me, and things will return to normal. Maybe not as quickly as you desire, sometimes patience is the hardest lesson for a sub to learn

    • Patience is very hard for me. At first I am patient and then I start to doubt everything, most of all myself. It’s when the doubt start that I end up in a downward spiral that suffocates me. I know things will be okay in the end. I just have to get through the difficult time.

  5. We have been the same but for different reasons. I don’t need the dominance in she same way you do but I do feel the physical absence at times and recently has been one of those times.

    I know things will get better when he feels better until then I am patient.

    For you now though I hope that now the baby has arrived you and Master T will be able to reconnect once more and you will feel whole again.

    ~Mia~ xx

    • I know at times I have to be patient too, but sometimes things just last too long. I too hope that now that the baby has arrived, we will be able to get back to our lives.
      And I hope your patience pays off 🙂

      Rebel xox

  6. Aww Marie, it makes me feel so sad reading this, but I do understand how you feel. I’m going to be doing Need, too, for todays A to Z, and your piece has made me think about what I had planned to write, and how I might change it to be a little more honest about myself and my needs.

    ((HUGS))

    Flip x

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