G is for ‘Girlfriend’

letterGI want a girlfriend.

A girlfriend who will be my lover, but also my friend.

I want a girlfriend.

Sigh… I know, this is no news.

About 20 years ago I was in a relationship with a married couple. That was my first bisexual relationship with a woman, my first relationship with a couple. It ended bad. Really bad. Abusive. But for 7 of the 9 months I was with them, I was sad. Why? Because she wasn’t bisexual by nature, but bisexual because her husband wanted her to be. And, she did not want to be my friend. She saw me as a threat to her marriage.

Disappointment after that experience had me ignoring my bisexual side. I did not want a girlfriend anymore. I did not want to be involved with a woman. But, one cannot ignore something that is so much part of who you are, so gradually, as I healed, I started being interested again. I wanted a girlfriend, but how to get one? I do not take the lead. I cannot take the lead. I don’t know how. I am afraid of making a fool out of myself, of ‘reading’ interest and then realizing I am totally wrong about it.

But, if the other woman shows interest too, I am an open book. I show my interest, for a friendship, for something deeper to develop from the friendship. I keep in contact. Not constantly, but frequently. I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m stalking them. I don’t want to make a nuisance of myself. But, I do keep in contact.

I’ve had some experiences in the past years where I thought the woman felt the same as I did, but those ended in terrible disappointments. Once I realized that all contact came from my side, I stopped and waited for a sign of interest from the other side. It never came. Some of those experiences had me in tears and sad for days. Those experiences have also made me more cautious and skeptical that I will ever find a woman who wants the same as I do. Although, there is one I know off, but there’s just too much water between us.

I want a girlfriend who will be my lover, but also my friend. I want a girlfriend who I can laugh with, cry with, share with. I want a girlfriend who values keeping in contact just as much as I do. I want a girlfriend who would not expect me to claim her and would not claim me. I want a girlfriend for fun times, for sexy times, for intimate times. I want a girlfriend who will be my girlfriend for me, and not because she wants to please her husband or boyfriend or even my Husband. I want a girlfriend for her softness, her love, her care. I want a girlfriend to care for, to love.

I want a girlfriend who wants a girlfriend too.

I want a girlfriend.

ยฉ Rebel’s Notes

This post ties in with the A-Z Blogging Challenge
G = Girlfriend

18 thoughts on “G is for ‘Girlfriend’

  1. Ever consider moving to Toronto? Its lovely here……. (she says… totally relating to your post… and reliving some fond memories of a gorgeous smile and ass)

  2. I spent most of my teenage years desperately wanting a girlfriend; and when I stopped looking, I found one. She popped up in the strangest of places: the most vilest, weirdest, nastiest nightclub I have ever been in, when our group were the only people who were over the age of consent and not over the age of sixty!

    Hope you find success in your search

    • Thank you, John. I am not actively searching, but every time I meet a woman and really like her, I wonder if she will be it. But I don’t dwell on the thought too long and too much.

  3. I sincerely hope you find your girlfriend and it is uncomplicated and fun. You really stressed how this is a desire, and I don’t often find the frustrated tone while reading you.
    Good luck, you certainly deserve it.

    • Thank you luv. I was trying to keep the frustration from my post, but guess I did not succeed. It is, indeed, a deep desire of mine, but I do not think of it daily, because that will drive me bonkers!

  4. Very touching to read . . . I agree with Mia and think that often the best things happen when they are completely unplanned and unexpected. I’ve been very lucky to have met someone during one of our couple’s adventures that has actually turned into one of my closest friends, not just sexually but socially as well. It wasn’t something that either of us were looking for, it just fell into place. Perhaps, when it’s least expected you will find that other special friend . . . I hope one day you will.
    Xxx – K

  5. Although I can’t say I have ever felt that same pull, I can appreciate how soft women are to snuggle with, how much empathy we can feel for one another, how comforting the love of a girl friend is.
    I really hope you find what you need, Marie….I’;m with Mia on this, when the time is right she will come into your life ๐Ÿ™‚

    Flip xxx

  6. This post made me feel sad for you. Sad that you have not yet found what you need to make you feel complete. Never give up though, as you never know what is around the corner or who you might meet next.

    I believe that people come into our lives at the right time and for the right reason. Maybe that time is not yet right for you or them, but one day it may be……

    ~Mia~ xx

    • I too believe things will happen when the time is right, and also believe that if it’s not meant to be, it will never happen. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t dream, and my big frustration with all of this is that I sometimes think my dream is becoming reality, but then the woman in question does not seem as serious about it as I do. I have had quite some disappointments because of this, but I am learning. One day, one day it will happen ๐Ÿ™‚

      Rebel xox

  7. *sigh… I could post this one my blog and apart from the bit about the earlier experiences it would be me…. I want all this too…. distance is a total fuckhead.

    Mollyxxx

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