I love this prompt by @ChintzCurtain. At first I was going to do a totally different post for this, something in which I only wanted to use the word ‘confess’. Then I thought that I would much rather just do a post that fits in with her questions, as those really made me think.
If we’re going with the formal dictionary definition, a confession is an ‘admission or acknowledgment that one has done something that one is ashamed or embarrassed about’. Is that true, do you think? Are all confessions rooted in feelings of bashfulness? Humiliation?
I think that whether a confession is about something you are ashamed or embarrassed about, depends on the subject of the confession. Like, when I confessed to my parents that I was pregnant at 16, I felt very embarrassed because that was just not the way they have raised me. However, when confessing to Master T that I am looking forward to be used during a play date, I do not feel embarrassed or humiliated. The situation determines whether the definition as given above is true or not.
Do you love to confess and confide your innermost thoughts and feelings in someone you trust? Or are your hidden fantasies and desires something they must make a concerted effort to pull from you – to tease out?
There are two people in my life that I tell everything and yes, I confess and confide my innermost thoughts and feelings to both of them. They really know everything about me. Whether it’s positive or negative – they know about it.
However… (there always is a however, isn’t there!)
Sometimes I cannot express those innermost thoughts and feelings. When I want to ask for something for myself, something I desire, I cannot speak. This mostly relates to sexual things, but it has also occurred that I really wanted to buy something for myself and that I walk around with the question in my head for weeks before I can actually say the words. Oh, the question is formed in my head, I know the exact words, but I just cannot get them pass my lips. The same goes for sex. I just cannot utter the words, even though I have them perfectly formed in my head. Sometimes, hours or days after the moment, I confess to Master T what those thoughts were.
For example: we had a play date about a year ago where I had my first real beating. Each time the beating stopped, I was aware of only one thing: I was horny. I wanted nothing more than to be fucked, but I could not say it. Not because I wasn’t allowed, but because I couldn’t get those words out. Once we were home and Master T and I were talking about the weekend, I told Him about my thoughts during the beating. He wanted to know why I haven’t said it and I confessed to Him that I just couldn’t. I did not know how. I had this block in me that did not allow me to say those words. I wish I knew how to get pass this block and maybe even why I am not able to say the words at the moment that I need to say them, but on the other hand I might just have to accept this as part of me. Thankfully, Master T mostly reads me like a book. He sometimes knows about things I want before I know it myself.
What, if you are able to share, has been the hardest thing you’ve ever had to confess to someone? And what is the most erotic thing that someone has confessed to you?
I think the hardest thing I ever had to confess, or WANTED to confess, was the sexual abuse I went through when I was about ten. Don’t get me wrong – I never had a trauma because of it. However, I came to a time in my life where I wanted to put it behind me and the only way I could do it, was to tell my parents about it. Somehow I wanted them to know that it was wrong of them to allow the man to read me bedtime stories. My mom was furious when I told her. Not angry with me, but with the man that did it. My father? He told me to stop telling my fantasy stories. I was about 20 when I confessed it to my parents (not at the same time as by then they were already divorced) and it was definitely not easy to tell them.
One of the most erotic things that someone has confessed to me is that if she ever would sleep with a woman, that woman will be me. The reason why this will never happen is private and will stay that way, but it does not take away that her words is locked up inside me as a treasure.
See, confessions do not always have to be about something we are ashamed or embarrassed about. It can be about something beautiful or something sexy or something we are proud of. I think the formal dictionary definition should be revised, don’t you?
© Rebel’s Notes
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