Dear Little Marie,
This is your 40-something self, writing you this letter from your future. With all I have learned in the last 30-something years, I hope to be able to tell you about some things that will happen and about some feelings you will have, but I want you to know that you will be okay. You turn out to be pretty damn awesome, you know!
Remember what happened when you were 9? That friend of your parents? The 21 year old? He was pretty smitten with you, remember? You found him interesting too. He read you your bedtime stories, but that was not the most exciting part. You liked it when he pulled your panties aside and softly stroke your hairless pussy. Remember that? He asked you to do other things too, but nothing too serious. Only for you to show yourself to him. Or to allow him to touch you. Still you felt guilty about it, because you thought that it was your fault. Not because he did it, but because you liked it. Some years later you had your difficult moments about this. You told your parents about what happened. Your mom was furious. She wanted to kill that man. Your father? He told you to stop fabricating stories. Go figure! But don’t worry your young head about all of this, because you never had a trauma because of what happened. Looking back on it, I think you discovered the first bit of your submissive nature there, wanting to please, wanting to obey.
You do enjoy those dress-up games you play, right? Dressing up as a servant and pretending the king and queen are giving you orders? Why do you never dress up as the queen? Oh no, this is not a trick question! You never dress up as the queen because you do not like to be the ‘boss’. Just your submissive nature showing again. But that’s not all that’s showing. You do like to show yourself, that’s for sure. Pulling your shorts to the side to expose your pussy. Or dropping your pants to show your buttocks. You know that no one will see you, but deep down you hope they do. You like looking at yourself. You like knowing you are exposed in a way that’s not appropriate. This is the time of your life where you first discovered the exhibitionist in yourself. This is something that will always be part of you. You will have your shy moments, but mostly you enjoy knowing others are looking at you, whether in real life or on photos. Yes, I said photos. Nudes. You have something to look forward to!
In the school holidays your best friend will be staying with you for two weeks. You will not understand the feelings you have when you and her are in bed together at night, but eventually you will act on those feelings. You will tell her to be quiet and you will disappear under the blankets. Without hesitation you will pull her panties to the side and you will softly lick her. That’s all, because you do not know how to continue. You have been licked once – yes by that man – and you have no idea what the purpose is, but when you lick your friend, you feel happy. You enjoy it. You will push a finger between her pussy lips and you will feel her wetness. This you will not understand either. Neither will you understand the warm feelings it gives you. All you will know and understand is that it makes you strangely happy. Just enjoy the feelings and later in your life you will understand that this is the first signs of your bisexual nature.
You will have ups and downs in your life, but eventually, when you reach the point where I am writing you from, you will know that those three things have been discovered at a very early age, but it took you years to come to terms with all of them. First you will accept yourself as an exhibitionist. But, you will have periods in your life where you live like a prude. No photos, no showing of intimate parts to anyone. But the desire to do so will always be there. In your mid twenties you accept your bisexual nature. After a bad relationship, you ignore this part of yourself for many years, but eventually you will just not be able to deny it anymore. You are bisexual. Then, your submissive nature. This is the last thing you accept of yourself and once you do, it is liberating.
Enjoy all the experiences in your life – good and bad. When you are where I am now, you will look back at your life and will appreciate all you have. You will know that all those ups and downs were necessary to make you the woman you are then!
The Older You
© Rebel’s Notes