Many years ago I found myself in a situation where the only option I had was to deliberately start a relationship. I thought about it for some while, how to get it started. I am not the kind of person who would go out to a bar alone. I can also be quite shy and would not just start a conversation with a strangers. I saw only one way to get in touch with men: place an ad in the local paper.
I received quite a couple of letters (yes, hand written letters as this happened in the beginning of the Internet era and back then many people did not even know what it was) and after reading them all, I wrote back to five men who I wanted to meet. Four of the five called back to make an appointment.
The first man was a total disappointment. He wasn’t even properly dressed. It almost looked as if his clothes hadn’t been washed for weeks. His hair was unkempt and it was clear his face stayed far away from a razor for some days, I doubted whether he had even been under the shower for the same length of time. I offered him a cup of coffee, tried to stay polite and was thankful when he left about an hour and a half after he arrived. I definitely did not want a relationship with him.
The second man was a very neatly dressed business man. He was soft spoken and kind. We had coffee and talked about ourselves, our lives, our family and our friends. After coffee we each had a glass of wine and I had the feeling that there was a real click between us. He was only a couple of years older than I was and I actually thought he would be a very nice man to start a relationship with.
Then came number three. He was a mixture of the first two. His hair was not unkempt, but it was not perfect either. His clothes were not business like, but definitely clean. He smelled of aftershave and had a huge and friendly smile. I definitely had a click with him too and enjoyed spending an entire evening with him. When he left I was in doubt. Both number two and number three were nice men and I would not mind starting a relationship with either of them. However, the reasons for wanting a relationship with number two was different for wanting a relationship with number three.
In the time I was having these meetings with me, I still received letters from other men. I was already entirely fed up with this dating procedure and with writing letters to the men to thank them for the interest, but no thank you for a meeting as they did not meet my requirements. (You know, I cannot even remember what I put in the personal ad back then!)
A week after I have met number three I was scheduled to meet number four. I was ready for him, but so not in the mood to go through yet another meeting with a stranger. I dragged my feet and kept an eye on the clock as the time for the meeting drew nearer. I stood at the window a gazillion times to see whether a strange car would park outside in front of the flat. Being on the fourth floor of the building, I was far enough not to be seen and near enough to see what the man looked like.
About five minutes before the meeting, a unfamiliar car turned into the parking area. From the way the car move, one could see that he was searching for a number. A surge of adrenalin rushed through my body. I raced across the room, switched off all lights and returned to the window. Everything in the house was dark. I watched as a dark-haired man got out of the car and walked towards the main entrance of the building. He would not get pass that unless I let him in.
The bell chimed in the hallway. My heart was beating in my throat. I was so nervous. Even though I was in a dark apartment, I was afraid he might see me if he glanced up. The bell chimed again. I knew he was waiting for me to answer and buzz him in. Some minutes ticked by and the bell chimed again. I had cramps on my stomach caused by nerves. Air escaped my mouth when I saw him walk back to the car. Just before he got in the car, he glanced up and I had the feeling that he was looking straight at me. I never heard from him again.
This was the first and only time in my life that I have stood someone up for a date. I know what I did was not right, but back then I just could not stomach another meeting, as meeting men the way I did was totally not the way I wanted to do it, but the way I was forced to do it.
And then of course I still had to choose between numbers two and three. Want to guess who I chose?
© Rebel’s Notes
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