More BDSM mindset musings… please let me ramble… (2/3)

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bdsm-emblemContinued from More BDSM mindset musings… please let me ramble… (1/3)

One of the first things I told Master T is that even though I have the small daily things that constantly remind me of our dynamic, I still miss to feel the line He is figuratively holding to keep me attached to and obeying Him at all times. I need to feel His hold on that line. One of the ways for me to feel it is when He gives me tasks. Another one is for Him to consequently punish me when I have done something wrong and not to just let it go with a warning.

I know it’s boring to get the same task over and over again, like if He would mail me every Friday afternoon and tell me to put my plug in once I get home. That will be a drag and thankfully He does not do it. Don’t get me wrong, if He did, I would have obeyed Him. But, to never tell me to put my plug in makes me miss it terribly. The plug, of course, is just an example. What I am trying to say is that things can be repeated, that it’s not to say that if something has been done once, it should never be done again. I just need to feel His control in different ways. Like indeed telling me I should put the plug in when we go shopping. Or tell me to sleep with my plug, not for punishment, but just because. Or to send me an email at work and tell me to go to the ladies and masturbate for at least five minutes. Or to go to the attic at my work, where the archives are located, and make a photo where I expose a body part. There are numerous simple things He could tell me to do which will keep my mind focused and avoid restlessness and dark thoughts on my side.

One of the questions I had for Him was about my collars. Because of my feeling insecure, I wanted to know whether my wearing my collars – day and night collars – is something that He still wanted, still approved of. His answer was YES! Even though He did not always say it, He wanted me to wear my day collar and He checks every morning whether I have it around my neck before I leave for work. And yes, He would not have put the night collar around my neck every night if He did not want it. I knew this question was all about my own insecurities and not because Master T had lost interest in anything. I just needed it confirmed.

Another thing I spoke to Master T about is that He back when we made the commitment to our D/s relationship, He said that He was going to train me to be His perfect sub. It has been ages ago that I last had any kind of training from Him. He confirmed this, but also denied it. Training me, in His opinion, is to shift my boundaries. To make me do things I thought I would never do. A training should be challenging, otherwise it would have no purpose. One of the things He wants to train me in is to be fully naked outside, in a public place with the potential of being seen. I immediately started to recalcitrate. I do not want to be arrested for public exposure, I said and He had to laugh because I was exaggerating a bit. Of course I will allow you to build it up, He promised. Building it up from partly naked to fully naked. This somehow made me feel better, even though the thought still kind of freaked me out. I guess that this is how it should feel when you are shifting your boundaries, right?

Talking about these things without being emotional certainly helped me to understand His view on some things a lot better. I realized I should have spoken to Him about it much earlier. And now that I have started, I had more issues to address…

To be continued… More BDSM mindset musings… please let me ramble… (3/3)

© Rebel’s Notes

2 thoughts on “More BDSM mindset musings… please let me ramble… (2/3)

  1. (I can’t seem to copy/paste to quote you — I’m guessing you have it disabled?)

    Anyway, I really enjoyed this post. It reminds all of us to be diligent and present in our relationships — otherwise, things become rote repetition and we lose sight of why we’re doing them in the first place.

    Neither submissives or dominants are “set it and forget it” (not sure if you’ve ever seen the infomercial for the FlavorWave Oven — set it and forget it!).

    Relationships take work (constant work) — and this post is a great reminder to do that work to keep our relationships healthy and keep ourselves and our partners happy.

    Great stuff, Marie. 🙂 Thank you for it!

    • I have indeed disabled copying/pasting on my blog 🙂

      I think I had to realize too that it takes constant work. Of course I knew this, but with some things I unknowingly expected Him to just know how I felt, but of course that is very unfair of me. I realize I should talk to Him, tell Him how I feel, what I long for.

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

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