Female orgasms

love orgasm

loveorgasmDuring the orgasm race, at times I felt guilty that I can climax quite easily and have multiple orgasms, but others seem to have so much problems to even get to one orgasm. On the same day I was discussing this on Twitter with one of the other competitors in the orgasm race, my best friend said more or less the same thing in an email she sent me. She cannot get off with her husband, but she can have multiple orgasms when she does it herself. For me it’s the other way around: when I masturbate, I have to really do my best to get to more than one orgasm, but when Master T rubs my clitoris or fingers me, I climax over and over until it’s an enormously glorious wet mess.

This, as well as thinking about the different women I have been with, made me wonder whether there is any literature on this. I found some and I will list what I have found at the end of this post, so you can read the full articles. However, I want to highlight some of the things from the articles and give my opinion on that.

Quoting from the article When Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm:

A woman should never feel pressured into having an orgasm by society, by the man in her life, or even by reading this article. When it comes to sex, pressure has just the opposite of the intended effect . . . even if the person putting the pressure on you is you, yourself. If you’re desperate to have an orgasm, that desperation is only going to make it tougher for you to achieve orgasm. The most important step in becoming orgasmic is learning to relax. And, if you really don’t ever want to have an orgasm, then that’s okay, too, as long as you are honest with yourself, and you don’t just say that because you think that you can’t learn.

Reading the first part of this quote, I wondered whether the orgasm race might have had the wrong effect on those who cannot easily reach a climax? I know I thought about orgasms a lot more during the race, but it did not make me feel any pressure as I don’t have problems to reach a climax. But for those who cannot easily reach orgasm, what about them? If they focused on orgasms as much as I did, would it not have made it more difficult for them to reach their orgasms?

From the article Can’t Orgasm? Here’s Help for Women, I quote:

The first and most important lesson is to practice developing a balance of tension and relaxation during sexual activity.

… and …

The type of tension that helps women reach orgasm is muscle tension (myotonia). Many women have the mistaken impression that they should relax and “just lie there” because they’ve heard that relaxation during sex is important. But it turns out that muscle tension is often necessary for an orgasm.

… and …

So, where’s the relaxation part of this equation? In the brain. During sex, a woman should be focused simply on feeling the sensations of the stimulation.

The above I recognized immediately. When I masturbate, I love to lie on my back, my legs spread and bent, my feet together. I want to be propped up on a pillow and able to see myself. I love to be naked and to look at my body. My mind is empty, all I think about is me, my hand, my body. All I see is myself. All other thoughts are banned from my head. I spread my legs as wide as possible and the more I tense the muscles in my legs, the stronger my orgasm will be. Funnily enough, when I told my best friend this, she told me that she is totally the opposite: she has to press her legs together, her hand between her legs and only then she can reach her orgasm. If she spreads her legs, it’s a no go for her.

Now I know I am one of the lucky ones. I can orgasm easily, but I have evidence around me of women who just cannot reach an orgasm that easily, whether they do it themselves or not. And some of them just have to do it themselves, as a man cannot bring them to orgasm. I can orgasm quite quickly, but for other women it takes quite some time and work before they are able to reach a climax. I can have multiple orgasms; other women can have only one and then have to recover for quite some time before they can have another. Yes, women’s bodies are very different, just like, I suppose, that of men.

So when I have multiple orgasms, do each and every orgasm leave me spent and satisfied, the way only one orgasm might leave women who can reach only one? No, it does not. Multiple orgasms are a lot of ‘smaller’ orgasms, which might or might not release some fluids, but always leaves me panting and craving for more. It’s like my body is building up to something bigger, but needs smaller releases to get there. Oh, do not get me wrong, a small orgasm can be very satisfying and depending the circumstances, I can be very happy with only one of those. However, when Master T is the one bringing me to the one orgasm after the other, I want more and more and it builds up to a point where I just need a major orgasm. To have one of those, I either need simultaneous anal and clitoral stimulation, or I spread my legs wide, tense my muscles and ignore all urges for smaller releases. The signs of a major orgasm is when my nipples harden, my inner thighs tingle, my stomach tighten and then all of those feelings explode in my pussy, leaving me spent and not able to handle any kind of touch for minutes after.

I would love to hear from other women about their orgasms, or from the men out there, how their special ladies climax. And, are male orgasms as diverse as female orgasms?

More reading:

© Rebel’s Notes

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16 thoughts on “Female orgasms

  1. I think I wrote about my orgasms on the post I links too yesterday and of course that post was about his orgasms. I don’t think I orgasm easily, it takes a bit of time and things have to be right for me. I find it very hard to cum if I am on-top for example… but not impossible. I think the key is learning your own body, once you know what works for you it is easier to share that with another.

    I found the quote interesting about muscle tension. I do that, tightening the muscle in my lower stomach but particularly my pelvic floor….tighten and relax etc etc until eventually my orgasm takes over and bingo. I think a lot of woman don’t know about that, the need for the muscle control and so find getting that orgasm something that always just seems out of reach. When I told other women this, who have asked me about how to cum, they have nearly always come back to me and said… WOW! Now I get it.

    Mollyxxx

    • Climaxing when I am on top is very difficult, unless I have had quite a lot of orgasms already. Then it’s quite easy to come when I am on top. Oh and I so get that it’s all about muscle control. I have just never tried to put it into words! I will remember this for the next time someone asks my advice 🙂

      Rebel xox

  2. I’m with you on the multiple orgasms, and I couldn’t agree more with how you described it.
    Except for me, the little ones are fine (and if I’m masturbating, I usually stop right there). But just like you, with my partner, I want so many more, and sometimes I feel as though I can never get enough.

    • Oh I know that: the feeling of never getting enough. I want to go on and on and on and just want to climax until I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep. Sometimes I do…

  3. While a guy, this a topic that interests me. I married very young and my former wife was the product of very sexually repressed upbringing. She was never able to achieve orgasm from penetration and now I feel quite certain it was because of, for lack of a better word, a mental block associated with what she was brought up to think about sex. She could orgasm from oral and digital stimulation but one orgasm and she was done. For years I believed I really sucked at sex and I worked constantly on my technique and stamina but nothing ever helped. After the divorce, the very first woman I dated could orgasm like it was going out of fashion. I knew I hadn’t suddenly become the greatest stud on the planet. My current girl is even more accomplished at climaxing. I kid you not, the woman comes at will and has orgasms until she is so physically spent she is forced to stop having them. I once counted the number during an extended session of sex and you would call me a liar if I told you how many orgasms she had. Not just multiples, which she often has, but distinct, separate orgasmic events. I’m sure it can be a physical problem for some women but in my experience at least, it seems usually difficulty in achieving climax is associated with something mental or emotional. With both of the very orgasmic women I’ve been in relationships with, they are both very liberated and comfortable with their sexuality and make no apologies for liking sex. I think that explains a lot about why they find it so easy to have orgasms.

    • How terrible that you have thought that you were not good enough! And also terrible that your first wife has been so repressed that she could not enjoy sex. I think some parents do not realize what they do to their children to raise them like that. My parents never really talked about sex, but it was not a taboo subject either. Glad to hear you are with someone who is much better at climaxing now and that you do not feel like you are doing something wrong anymore. As for climaxing a lot – I can do that, but I always feel a certain tenderness the next day 😉

  4. Sometime i think we must have been seperated at birth! 🙂 I too come every easily, something that delights Carter, although the orgasms he gives me are very different to the ones i have wanking, i rarely come more than once wanking, and stop when i do come,in fact i think i may have just found the subject of my next masturbation month post!

    • Isn’t it interesting that some of us have so many similarities? I look forward to reading your masturbation post 🙂

      Rebel xox

  5. The very first night of Orgasm Race I had so much trouble achieving my “first” orgasm of the night. Suddenly, sexual pleasure had a purpose and I couldn’t relax.

    Further increases of the count were much easier! I remembered to relax.

    • I think relaxing is one of the key elements of an orgasm. And enjoying it of course. The orgasm race was great. I bet all of us that participated, learned something from it 🙂

  6. I seem to be able to orgasm much easier than most women in general. It doesn’t matter if it’s a vibrator, fingers, mine his, or intercourse. I can cum 98% of the time.

    Great post. Full of useful information. 🙂

    • I have noticed in the orgasm race that you seem to climax very easily. I can too, and actually cannot remember if I have ever failed to climax. I bet I have, but must have banned it from my mind.

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

  7. shew, being a guy I can dodge a bullet here. Just kidding. All joking aside I have had a couple of lovers that had some serious issues in achieving that plateau of orgasmic bliss. For me it was frustrating because I was taught a woman’s needs are as great as my own. If I might I would like to indulge in sharing two said issues that in looking back have show me the past sexual history is a very powerful thing.
    One former love could not achieve climax unless I was physically rough with her, I know being a sadist it sounds great right. Well wrong, I had not come to term with my sadistic self yet and it felt like I had to rape her to get her off. I found out as our relationship went on that she had been the victim of a series of abusive men and felt that was how men showed love. When I was tender and loving she would freak out thinking I was angry with her. Yeah really messed up.
    The other was also a victim of a sexual attack when she was younger. Her scar was shame. It was the first time she climaxed so she associated the feeling with the event. If she achieved orgasm she would become withdrawn and in tears. I felt bad for her but she thinks that is how the world works and refused to seek help.
    On the flip side of the coin I have a very sexually charged partner now. All I have to do in breathe on her the right way and she cums. I do enjoy it, and often use it to my advantage…not that I can be sadistic or anything…muhawhaha

    • It is so sad to read how bad things that happened to the two women have scarred them so terribly. I hope that they have found help for it eventually and have healed enough to enjoy sex in a ‘normal’ way. And no, I don’t think you are sadistic at all *grins*

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