I’ve had this question of the Submissive Guide in my ‘to do’ list for quite some time. I think only now I can really give a proper answer to this.
Why can I only answer this now? I don’t know. The time just felt right to answer this. It might be because of what happened during our fourth playdate with Master R and Dena. That evening I went deeper into subspace than I have ever been before. And I loved it. I kind of zoned out. I was in the room but I was not. Where only moments before I had been trying to get away from the flogger and the whip, something changed and I just stood still while the strikes landed on my bottom and legs. I felt it, but I did not feel it. I knew it hurt just as bad as before, but it was as if I could not feel the pain anymore. Of course I know that this was because of the endorphins being released in my system, but still the feeling amazed me. In a way it might be dangerous to feel like this. For me that is. Because for days after that evening, I craved to feel it again. The craving has stopped and changed into a longing which I know will be fulfilled over and over again.
So, to get to the questions of this prompt…
… how do i process pain?
I fight it. I keep on fighting it for some time. I come to a point that I feel I am not able to handle it anymore. That is the point where I surrender. Where I stop fighting. That is the point where I enter subspace and where I am one with the pain.
… am I the silent type? Screamer? Crier?
I am not the silent type, but not a screamer either. I moan and grunt and sigh and say ‘no’ and ‘stop’ and shake my head. I fight the pain. I might cry. Sob. Or I might go quiet and just accept the pain. I don’t know when I am going to cry or when I am going to be silent. I don’t think anyone can predict beforehand how he or she would react as it depends on different circumstances.
… Is this what is expected of me?
It is expected of me to accept whatever He is doing to me (within our limits of course). Master T does not dictate how I should react.
… How does Master T prefer me to process pain?
He does not dictate HOW I should process pain. He expects of me to process the pain as pain is what I want. What I need. Because yes, I am a masochist.
This post links in with the Wicked Wednesday prompt of this week: BDSM. What elements of this acronym applies to me?
Bondage: yes please. I love the feeling of rope around my body. I am claustrophobic but have absolutely no problem with being restrained. The ropes around my body give me a sense of security. They comfort me.
Discipline: yes please. I need discipline. I love my rules. I love to be disciplined when I do not follow my rules. If I would not be disciplined, I would be very disappointed. Being disciplined and having to follow rules make me feel safe. I can let go of all control and let Master T decide what I should do and how I should do it.
Dominance & submission: I think the roles of our relationship is quite clear.
Sadism and masochism: I have already said that I am a masochist and yes, Master T is a sadist.
Except for the dominant and sub roles there’s also something like a switch. Neither Master T nor me switch our roles. I cannot imagine Him ever being a sub and I cannot imagine myself ever dominating anyone.
We are happy just the way we are.
© Rebel’s Notes
The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #BDSM
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