Bisexuality

sexuality1
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In November of last year I had a post about bisexuality and how I first was ashamed of it, but have come to accept it about myself. One male reader of my blog left a comment on it and since he has put so much effort into the comment, I wanted to follow up on this comment in a new blog post. I would love to get a discussion going on this subject.

This was the essential part of his comment:

Bisexuality. Problematic, as becomes clear in your blog. Personally I don’t have any problem with it. But that’s easy, because I’m bisexual too, up to a certain degree. But, having read your blog, I started to think about how I would react if my wife told me she was bisexual and was having sex with a woman or women. To be frank, I’m not sure how I would react. My first impulse – here and now – is: no problem, do as you please, you only live once, enjoy, make the most of it. But I’m not sure that I could practice what I preach. Maybe I would be jealous, maybe I would be afraid to lose her, surely it would make me feel uncertain: what am I doing wrong?

I guess lots of men do have serious problems with bisexuality. Of course, in the pub they boast that it would be fun if the wife brought a girlfriend home: screw them both! But I guess many men would have the same hang-ups and fears as described above. And furthermore I think that bisexuality amongst men is far more widely spread than my brothers would ever dare to admit! And amongst women as well. Image a scale from 0 to 100. Zero is 100% heterosexual and 100 totally gay, whilst 50 is the perfect bisexual. I’m convinced that you find most men (75%) (I can’t speak for women) between a score of 25 till 75. So a rather small percentage is either basically hetero- or homosexual.

I’ve got a test to prove that. When it comes to watch porn, men who are really profoundly heterosexual like to watch ‘lesbian’ movies. And the more men are tending to be 50/50 they like to watch movies with lots of penises in full close ups.
But I do think as well that lots of men can’t handle bisexuality. Neither for themselves, nor for their partners. For the latter, see above. For the first: bi/homosexuality is such an enormous issue. You rather deny it and suffer, than take the risk of being exposed as a fucking poof, queer, mietje, poot, or whatever.

You have had your share in your life in this respect , but finally you’ve come to peace with it. Good for you! And good for Hubby (if I may call him so). Or: came to peace, finally you dare to enjoy this lovely expansion of your personality. And why not? People are beautiful (most of them), men are beautiful, women are beautiful There’s so much to explore, so much to enjoy, so much to make you wanna sing and dance. I have a vivid memory of the first time I made love with my best male friend. It felt like coming home. Of course, it was horny, exiting, etc. But the immense pride I felt! I think you recognize what I say.

 

To start with the last line – yes, the very first time I was with a woman, I felt pride. Then it gradually went sour. I was with her many times after that, for about nine months before I ended it. For many years I had no bisexual encounters. Between Dena and the other woman I have ended it wit, I had one unexpected bisexual encounter. With Dena it felt like the first time again. And again I felt pride. For many reasons, I felt pride. Each time I am with Dena, I feel more at ease than the first time, more confident.

The comment mentions that men might have more problems with bisexuality than women have. It immediately made me think of an article that stated that almost all women are bisexual. I wanted to share this article, but unfortunately I could not find it. Do you think that most of the women are bisexual? And what about what the writer said above: do you think that bisexuality among men is more widespread than men would care to admit? What kind of porn movies do my male readers watch? And how do you identify yourself sexually? And ladies, that special man in your life: what kind of porn does he like to watch? Of course I immediately thought about Master T. We are both more into watching women in porn movies than men.

Men out there, how would you react if your wife comes home and tell you she had sex with her best friend? Can you imagine yourself in a position like that? Can you even imagine how you would feel? If you now say you would be okay with it and you would like to have both of them in your bed, do you really mean it or are you just saying it to conceal your real feelings? Will you be jealous? Will you feel left out? Or will you be happy for your wife and share the sexiness with her – not by having both the women in your bed, but by giving her the room to explore her sexual self? And ladies, what would you do if the situation is turned around? If your man comes home and tell you he had sex with his best friend?

From the very first moment Master T and I were in contact He knew that I am bisexual and He never saw it as a threat to our relationship. Neither did He boast and say He would want two women in His bed. No, He respected my choice when I told Him I was not ready to be with a woman again. He allowed me the room to explore that side of me, with only one condition added to it: He is there with me, always. Not because He wants to have sex with the other woman too, but He wants to watch. He wants to be there and enjoy, because yes, when I enjoy, He does too.

As said in the beginning of this post, I would love to hear your opinions on this. Let’s get a (respectful) discussion started 🙂

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #discussion
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Wicked Wednesday

28 thoughts on “Bisexuality

  1. The bisexual label is an interesting one – and I’d love to know where it starts and ends. I personally have no idea whether I’d be judged to be bisexual or not – and I certainly don’t know what I would call myself.

    I am basically heterosexual but with a whole load of caveats. Up until recently I never had any desire or fantasies to have any form of sexual contact with a man without my Domme/girlfriend being there. I have sucked cock under the direction of both my current and my previous Domme and taken pride in taking the guys to completion and showing my Domme my spunk filled mouth before swallowing. I have fantasised about my boy-cunt being offered by my Domme to willing males and I expect that day may be fast approaching.

    And then my Domme pulled an interesting comment out of the bag. Remember I said I didn’t want to have sex alone with a guy? Well my Domme recently asked, so what if I put you on a train and sent you to a guy knowing that I’d promised him he could fuck you? She repeated this question the next time she was wanking me and I shot more spunk than I think I ever have done. But again it was the idea that She was in charge of it and orchestrating it. So am I bisexual? I’ve no idea and I don’t really care.

    Life is good and life is fun and I’m a very obedient sub who simply does as he’s told :

    • God, I love your last sentence! I sometimes hesitate when I get an order from Master T, and I so do not want to hesitate, but just do what He expects of me.

      I can imagine how it must make you feel to think you might be put on a train alone, on your way to a man who is allowed to use you. That’s hot!
      Thank you so much for sharing this piece of you.

      • Well if it ever happens, I’ll be proud of what I’ve become – so there’ll probably a blog post.
        Thanks for your kind words sweetie.
        sev xx

  2. Great post Rebel! I have long pondered on this exact topic here are some of my ideas;

    Jake has expressed the idea that all women are bisexual as well. Personally I think that is just his male ego / fantasy talking because of course all women want to make lesbian love for their partner’s pleasure right? In the swing scene there is an expectation that the women will want to have sex with other women and there are certainly a lot of couples who get into the scene out of a desire to explore that fantasy. The flip side of that is that there are also a lot of men who get off on watching their wives with another woman. To the extent that some of the wives perform these acts not out of their own curiosity but as a way of providing some kind of live porn for their partner.

    Personally I identify as bisexual but on your commenters scale I would probably sit around the 40% range. Women are beautiful, I have pleasured several in my life but if there isn’t a penis, or a good dildo handy I get a little antsy. I most certainly couldn’t have a full blown romantic relationship with a woman it would do my head in!

    In terms of male bisexuality I would tend to agree with your commenter. Men are as bisexual as women. The issue is that they have been socially conditioned to avoid this behaviour. I would add to this idea that many women find the idea of two men pleasing each other just as erotic as men find watching two women. Like women male bisexuality is often a fantasy or merely just a curiosity. Not a genuine deep seated desire to have a relationship with both genders.

    Bisexuality in a relationship is threatening to the relationship in the same way that any other forms of non-monogamy can be. There is this idea out there that if a woman has sex with her girlfriend then it is not really non-monogamy. This is simply not true. If you believe in monogamy and sexual fidelity then it doesn’t matter what gender the person is if your spouse has sex with them they have in essence cheated on you! Please don’t think I am trying to make a case for monogamy here! I am just expressing things in the same frame of mind that most of the population think in.

    • Thanks for your very interesting comment, Gemma, which contains some things I definitely recognize.

      I too might never be able to have a full blown romantic relationship with a woman, simply because I too need a penis close by. However, being with a woman when my Husband watches is something that excites me a lot. I know He loves to watch, but I am not doing it only for His pleasure. I am doing it for myself too 🙂

      And yes, I totally agree with your last paragraph. I actually have a friend with whom I would love to share a bed and some sexy times, but I know she would never do it, as her husband will see it as infidelity.

      Thanks again for your comment!

      Rebel xox

  3. Hot topic here. As a bisexual male it is always interesting to read things like this. My gay friends say I am in the closet and my strait friends well they have their own ideas. I probably fall into the 40% range as I like women a little more than men. That being said a Grecian type male walk in with strong shoulders and wearing a suit that woman I am talking too might have to toss cold water on me to get my attention back.
    As for porn my current favorite is a 3 way between a man woman and transgender. The transgender has a very nice cock and beautiful breasts. After the first time I saw it I had to go take care of some built up pressure (dangers of watching porn while my sub is at work). I like many different kinds of porn but truth most be told if there isn’t good close-ups of all the parts I find it kind of boring.
    There is always a kind of pride to be felt when exploring sexuality, like finding a part that makes a person more of a whole. Being bisexual just gives one more area that can be openly explored.
    The one thing I can’t seem to get through my strait friends head is that just because I am bi doesn’t mean I want to screw the whole world, I have standards to what I like. It gets quite frustrating.
    As for my wife/sub I knew she was bi before we even started seeing each other. It add a beautiful aspect to our relationship. We can go out and point out the people we would like to be with and not get that twinge of jealousy or shame for enjoying both sexes.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. It’s always interesting to hear the view of others and to see how others experience bisexuality.
      I am bisexual, my Husband is straight. When we are out, I tend to look at women and not at men. I just thing women are more beautiful than a man can ever be and this means Hubby and I point out the beautiful ones to each other, also without jealousy. However, if I would point out a stunning man to Him, He would just smile 🙂

      Rebel xox

  4. That was an interesting read, I think that humans are complicated creatures and everyone (as long as safe and consensual) has the right to do what they want and explore what they want. Me and my Sir are in a BDSM, Poly relationship he is straight and watches nothing but girl on guy or girl on girl porn, either on his own or with me. I myself am Bi I have yet to find a woman to go all the way with but I have been fascinated with women for too long to ignore it or say I’m straight because I will sleep with another woman when the time is right/opportunity presents itself.

    At the end of the day support each other and explore new things, it keeps life interesting! <3

    • I cannot agree with you more that humans are complicated and that everyone has the right to do what they want, as long as it’s safe and consensual. Life is great and we should experiment as much as we can! Grab every opportunity 😀

      Thanks for your comment!

      Rebel xox

  5. I’m firmly of the mind that most women are bisexual and it speaks to the strength of the gender. When developing in the womb, we all start as female, then the brokenness of the Y chromosome expresses itself. There is speculation that in time the Y chromosome will totally degrade.
    If my significant other were to be bisexual, I would have no problem with that as long as he was staying safe about it.
    I’ve identified as bisexual for a very long time but have not had much opportunity to pursue anything with it. But then, I don’t go looking for relationships of either gender since my high school days. The ones that have happened have had to pull me out of the mix, so it’s no wonder that I go years… and now that I’ve had a recent encounter? Well, it was interesting, not sure if we’re going to go anywhere with it.

    ~Kazi xxx

    • I think you have a very interesting view on all women being bisexual. I have never thought about it that way!
      I am the same. I do not go out to look for relationships, especially not with women. I am too shy to do that. But I am so happy with Dena and what we have with her and her Master. It’s wonderful! I look forward to read whether you are going anywhere with what you have recently experienced 🙂

      Rebel xox

  6. Hmmmm. I was having this discussion today with a female friend of mine. I am hetrosexual but I like Kiki admire the female form. Perhaps it is socially acceptable for us to do that, quite possibly. By appreciating women’s bodies in all their shapes and sizes it makes me respect and love my own shape more too.

    I admire Master T for allowing you space to come to terms with something that is intrinsically within you. It is easy to rush in and ‘fix’ things but it takes great strength of character to allow someone the space to work it out for themselves.

    Very interesting post. Thank you.

    Rachel x

    • Master T has never rushed me into anything, which I will forever be thankful too. He has allowed me to erase bad memories but giving me the time to heal and guiding me back to what He knew I wanted.

      Rachel, what you say in the first paragraph, about appreciating women’s bodies and it making you respect and love your own too… it’s beautiful!

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

      Rebel xox

  7. Kevin Gillespie says:

    I’m Bisexual myself too.|

    Thinking back, I first started having ‘stirrings’ about thirty years ago, I was finding myself being caressed by Men, & I found that I was feeling horny as a result.

    I didn’t think any more of it at the time.

    Then some time later, I found myself studying pics of Big, Sexy, Muscular Hunks, & I was noticing that looking at those pics, & I was still feeling horny.

    I have become fixated with ANYTHING to do with Male Strippers. Reading Newspaper Stories, Watching Male Strip Shows, either on Youtube or on another Website, & watching NUMEROUS clips where SO MANY Ladies were sucking MEATY Male Strippers Cock. OMG ‘Turned On’ didn’t even come CLOSE.

    Also, the Lady who is my Keyworker at the Disabled Care Home where I live recently went to a ‘Ladies Night’ where she watched no less than FOUR HUNKS, Including a Guy who performed under the Stage Name ‘Ding Dong’. With a Stage Name like THAT, I would have LOVED to have sucked HIS ‘Dong’. Part of me WAS, I confess, jealous at the fact that my Keyworker was probably going to be ‘sucking BEEFY Cock’. Incidentally, I have mentioned to my Keyworker, & several other Female Support Workers that I am Bisexual. They don’t, Thank God, seem to have any issues with that. You can probably guess that I would LOVE to go & watch a Male Stripper who strips for GUYS. I have seen (finally), my first Female Stripper. I had a Stripper for my 45th Birthday last October, who came, dressed as a Policewoman.

    I SHOULD mention TWO things before I close. Firstly that I ‘want things BOTH ways’ ie, I am too STRAIGHT to be a Homosexual.

    Secondly, I am TOO Bisexual to be Heterosexual. I CAN’T ‘turn back’ now.

    • Thanks, Kevin, for your comment. I particularly like the line that you say you are too straight to be homosexual but too bisexual to be heterosexual. Interesting! Also, I hope that your wish comes tru and you will be able to see a male stripper soon 🙂

      Rebel xox

  8. Interesting post indeed. I mainly agree with your original commenter but I also think Kiki is spot on in her comment, we are complex creatures capable to all sorts of emotions and desires that often change and develop over time and with experiences and so I am not sure that any scale really works.

    I am bi-sexual, for want of a better label. Sir has always been very accepting, in fact encouraging, of me exploring that side of my sexuality when and if I have wanted too. I know that he is not threatened in any way by this side of me, he sees it as just part of who I am and part of the dynamic of our life together.

    He is not bi-sexual and if the ‘porn gauge’ is anything to go by I would say that makes him out as VERY heterosexual, as he has always told me he was. If he changed his mind though, or wanted to explore I hope that I would be happy for him to do so. I think I would, but until presented with a situation you cannot really know exactly how you would feel about.

    As for you and Dena, I will say it again… you are very lucky and I remain a little envious

    Mollyxxx

    • Thank you for your comment, dear Molly! I really enjoy every minute I get to spend with Dena 🙂

      As for my Husband, He’s very much heterosexual, but I don’t know what I will do when He changes His mind. As you said, we never know just how we will react until we get in such a situation.

      Rebel xox

  9. What an interesting read; I am sure I would be OK with my wife being bisexual, not because of the chance of “threesomes” but because she was exploring her sexuality. And on the subject of threesomes, I would expect (if it ever happened!) to be another guy – men are easier to satisfy than men! 🙂

  10. Rebel, what a great topic. I think women’s bodies are beautiful, and I’ve pleasured one or two other women at swing house parties, and enjoyed it. But am I bisexual? I prefer men, but I love women’s bodies. They are simply beautiful. Over the last two years, I’ve met three men with bisexual tendencies. Two openly claimed their bisexuality, and one admits having enjoyed male encounters for over twenty years. He prefers not to be labelled. The whole thing becomes increasingly confusing to me, as my sexual world view opens up. I do know that the thought of having a bisexual male partner creates some anxiety, rather like jealousy in my mind. It’s not that I think it unnatural, but that I feel confusion, worry, and a little bit of inadequacy. I cannot know how that relationship goes, and what comes with it, so I find it hard to think of any male partner who is bisexual indulging with his male friend, as easily as I can sustain him dallying with a female friend. I could even enjoy watching, I think. But my sense of separateness and anxiety would still be with me. In the US, in the Deep South, any deviation from heterosexual is frowned upon by most of the population. It’s a very conservative part of the world. Thanks for opening the discussion.

    • I totally agree with you: I prefer men, but I love women’s bodies, love to feel it and love to make love to a woman, but essentially I prefer men.

      I have never had an encounter with a bisexual man, so have no idea how I would react, but I do know that the way we were brought up can limit us in the ways we think. Sometimes we need to explore other ways and only make a decision about what we want and what our point of view is until after we have explored everything.

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

      Rebel xox

  11. Kiki says:

    What a fascinating topic. For myself, I have never been with another woman (that I can remember anyway) and I don’t have a desire to be physically intimate with a woman, but I do love looking at women’s bodies. So on your male reader’s scale I would probably fall somewhere between 25 and 35. I also prefer heterosexual porn, but don’t mind watching women in porn movies.

    But I do believe that human beings are more complex than a single scale can capture. I have not read the research on this, but I suspect that there are multiple dimensions that, together, can better describe and categorize the various preferences and predilections found among human beings’ sexual tastes. I think I see some interesting reading in my future.

    It’s funny, I was in a situation years ago where my boyfriend’s gay best friend moved back to town and into his apartment for an extended period of time. I don’t know if anything happened when I wasn’t around and I was not concerned about it. That isn’t the same as knowing something happened, and I’m not sure how I would have reacted if I had known they had slept together. Probably poorly.

    I have other thoughts rattling around on this, but I think I’ve shared enough for now. Thank you for another interesting topic, Marie!

    Kiki <3

    • I totally agree with you that we are more complex than a single scale can capture. And I also think that we should just try and respect another person for their sexual tastes and not try to judge it. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this, or for you to share if you have found more information on this topic.

      Thanks for your comment, Kiki 🙂

      Rebel xox

  12. I’m a complete hypocrite when it comes to bisexuality, I identify as bisexual (though am possibly pansexual, I’m not entirely sure) but if my male partner was bi I think I would have a problem with it, though I can’t pinpoint why. I’d have no problem if a female partner was though.
    I think that it’s true that more men than we think are interested in men to some degree, same with women though, I think a lot of people are still scared to come out because of the judgement that still goes with it.

    • Many thanks for your comment. I think it’s actually easier for women to come out with it than it is for men. I hope that one day we will live in a world where people just accept each other as they are and not judge them on their preferences.

      Rebel xox

  13. Mia says:

    I am going to bookmark this post. As I definitely have something to say on the subject both from my perspective but also from my my b/f’s as well. I will link back here as this is so very interesting both from your reader’s comments and your own. So when I am back blogging this will be a definite!!

    ~Mia~ xx

    • I look forward to read your post on this subject. Hope you will be able to get back to blogging soon and that all is well with you!

      Rebel xox

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