On several occasions before our third date I saw some tweets about polygamy and polyamory. During our third date with Master R and Dena a lot happened. Not only Dena and I engaged in sex. I enjoyed every minute of the evening and just allowed things to happen. I knew what was expected of me, I felt loved and safe. When some time after our date the word monogamy popped up somewhere, I remembered the tweets and posts about polygamy and polyamory.
I bet that all of us have those moments that when you read or see something, you make the comparison with what you have in your own life, or what you have experienced. Like for instance, when someone is telling about a visit to the dentist and about something remarkable they experienced there, you tend to think about your own experiences. Or, something I have witnessed so many times before: when one woman talks about a pregnancy, suddenly all women in the same room want to tell their pregnancy stories too! I think it’s a natural thing to compare what you have experienced to something you hear or read or see.
You see, thinking about the relationship Master T and I have, I wondered where we would ‘fit in’. But before I go on, let me just say this: I am not doing this post because I feel the need for a label. There is no label that would fit me, because there is no label big enough to carry all the words that describe me. I am doing this post because I am thinking out loud and would love for people to react, to give me their views and maybe for me to learn something new.
Okay, back to thinking about our relationship. We are married and in that we have always been monogamous. Yet, we fantasized about sex with others. No wait, we fantasized about me having sex with others while Master T was in the same room, either watching or engaging in having sex with me at the same time as another has sex with me. So does this then make Master T monogamous and then I am not monogamous because I am having sex with others? But I am having sex with others because Master T expects that of me? That is part of my submission, so then I am back to being monogamous, but submissive. Right?
Okay, so now comes the next part: Master T wants to engage in sex with others too. In fact, He already did when Dena sucked His cock. So now He is not monogamous anymore. Does this make us polyamoric or should we call ourselves swingers? Doesn’t polyamory imply that love should be involved or is having feelings of fondness for a sexual partner enough? I for sure would not be able to engage in sexual acts with someone who I do not have feelings of fondness for.
Back to the point… are we still monogamous? I found two definitions that apply to monogamy:
- the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
- the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time
Yes we are monogamous if you look only at the first definition, but no we are not monogamous anymore if you look at the second.
We are not polygamous either, as that is the practice of being married to more than one partner. What about polyamoric? According to Wikipedia that is when participants have multiple romantic partners As said above, I do have to have feelings of fondness for whoever I engage with sexually, but I don’t have to be ‘in love’ with them. So no, I don’t think we identify as being polyamoric either. Do we have an open marriage? Yes and no. Yes, because we both (want to) have sex with others and no, because when we have sex with others, Master T and I are always in the same room. No appointments are made for sex without including the other in the appointment too. Looking at the list on the above-mentioned Wikipedia link, I ask myself: do we engage in group sex? I would love to, but do not think what we had up to now can be described as that. Did we swing? No, I don’t think so either, because the purpose of our meetings is not to swap partners.
So what label should we put on ourselves, on our relationship? I actually asked Master T exactly the same after telling Him all of my thoughts above. Both Him and I had exactly the same answer:
No label at all!
We have what we have. We are who we are. We enjoy what we do. We love our life, love that we can explore all of this together, love that we can experience this together and talk about our experiences without feelings of jealousy or any negative kind of feelings. And we love that we can share this with like-minded people such as Master R and Dena. Of course we would love to share it with more people and we both believe that the time will come when we will meet more like-minded people (in real life) and engage in sexy fun with them too.
I am definitely not confused about the kind of relationship that we have. The definitions of the different kinds of relationships that are described in literature can be quite confusing to some, but not to us. We are all of that and at the same time, none of it. We are us. We are kinky. And we love it!
© Rebel’s Notes
The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #confusion
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