One of the sessions at Eroticon 2013 that I will definitely be going to is Molly’s session on busting myths about submissive women. Being a submissive women myself, I definitely want to be there, to see what I can contribute to help Molly to bust as many myths possible.
In a recent blog post Molly posted some questions for her readers. Those questions were posted on her blog to give everyone an opportunity to contribute and to help her to prepare the key areas of her session. Before I answer those questions, there was something else in Molly’s post that triggered me in writing this post.
Like Molly and her husband, Master T and I have a 24/7 D/s relationship. Yes, I admit, at first when we started out I did not think of it as a 24/7 relationship, because you just cannot be busy with it physically for 24/7. However, I soon discovered that what we had was 24/7, because that was our mindset. I belong to Him every minute of the day and I abide by my rules whether I am with Him or away from Him. Just like I am His wife 24/7, I am also His sub 24/7. And no, this is not a role I play, this is who I am. Our D/s commitment to each other is just as important to us as the commitment we made on the day we got married. The day we made the D/s commitment it felt like I have found the last piece to a puzzle. I have finally found my place. I cannot turn off being His sub, just as much as I cannot turn off being his wife. As Molly said, being submissive is not a conscious act. It’s just who I am, part of me.
So now to get to Molly’s questions (and please, feel free to answer them too, whether you are a submissive woman or a submissive man):
1. What are the top 5 myths/beliefs you would like to dispel about submissive women?
- Submissive women are weak: I know for sure that I am not weak. I have been through incredibly tough times in my life and I have came out stronger on the other side, each and every time. I have always been in control, for most of my kids’ lives, I was a single parent and had to make all the decisions. I know how to take control and I do so in my work, running my department. I am not weak, I am a strong woman who happens to be submissive in a relationship. That makes me happy. It is who I am.
- Submissive women suffer from a childhood trauma: If you have followed along on my blog you might have come across the post(s) that I have written about being sexually abused as a child. In the post I have also mentioned that I have never felt traumatized by the abuse. I know I am one of the lucky ones for not being traumatized by what happened. In fact, only recently I came to admit that I can still remember that I almost looked forward to the abuse, because I loved the attention and loved being told what to do, such as touching myself while he watched or just showing myself to him at his command.
- Submissive women are stupid and need a man in their life to think for them: This has actually been said to me by a dominant man. Back then I knew nothing at all about D/s or M/s or dominant men/women or submissive women/men. He was dominant and I had to follow his rules. And whenever I had an opinion, he told me to leave all the thinking to him, because I was just too stupid to think for myself. Yes, in that relationship I was submissive too. I am in every relationship, because that is just part of who I am. Just to clarify, my relationship with Master T is my first ever D/s relationship. Never before have I made a commitment with a man to have a D/s relationship.
- Submissive women have no self-respect: Why? Because we are submissive to men? We do everything the dominant wants us to do and therefore we are weak and have no self respect? Unfortunately some people do think like this. I respect myself. I am worthy to be here, worthy as a wife, as a mom, as a daughter, as a employee, as a boss and as His submissive. I have come to accept myself for who and what I am. Do you?
- If you are a submissive woman, you submit to all dominant men: This is a common misconception. Just because I am submissive, I do not submit to every dominant man out there. I only submit to the dominant men my Husband expects me to submit to. All other men – whether dominant or not – are treated like equals.
2. As a submissive woman… use up to 5 words to describe you or your submission
Sorry, I came up with seven and just had to use all of them!
- Love: I have never loved a man as much as I love Master T. He really is my everything! But love is also about loving myself for who I am.
- Pride: I am proud to be a submissive, proud to be who I truly am.
- Devotion: I am devoted to my relationship with Master T, both as His wife and as His submissive.
- Trust: The amount of trust between Master T and me cannot be described in words.
- Strength: I feel strong in my submission.
- Obedience: To me, living according to the rules He has set for me and doing what He tells me to do, is very important. It is not like I do not have a voice to tell Him what I like or do not like, but there are times to talk about it and times to trust Him and obey immediately when He expects something of me.
- Pain: On this journey I have learned that I love pain. It makes me focus, it calms me and it makes me feel loved, proud, devoted, strong and obedient all at the same time. I can submit without pain. I do not need it every day, but there are moments that I really need it, if only to find that peaceful place inside me.
3. In erotic fiction what are the most common ‘wrongs’ you come across that don’t work for you as a submissive woman?
- Non-communication between dominant and submissive: This has become a pet peeve of mine. I absolutely detest it when I read a BDSM novel/story/essay and there is no communication between the dominant and the submissive. No matter what the reason, I just don’t like it!
- When submission is all about sex and nothing else: Some authors end every scene or any kind of task with sex. Please remember, there is something like a mindfuck too. There is an entire psychology behind submission. It does not always have to be about the sex.
- Hard (sex) play bordering on abuse: This kind of ties in with the non-communication above. I like hard (sex) play, but at least in the fiction, mention something about limits or safe words or feelings and do no let the reader wonder whether it as even been discussed, especially not when the (sex) play is really hard.
4. If you could ask a submissive woman any question, what would it be?
- What, in your opinion, is ‘the perfect submissive’?
5. If you could ask ME (Molly) any question, what would it be?
- Do you think submission comes from nurture or nature?
Of course I am not going to elaborate on the last two question, but would love if my readers give me their opinions on this 🙂
© Rebel’s Notes