Beneath your beautiful

beneathyourbeautifulFrom the first moment I heard this song, I was in love with it. Long before I even properly listened to the words. There was something in the song that caught and held my attention. And then I read the words, and if possible, I fell in love with the song even more.

And it made me think. It made me think of how many people are out there, keeping up appearances and not being who they truly are. Yes, sometimes we do have to keep up appearances, because society expects that of us. Unfortunately we cannot always speak openly about our preferences, because we might hurt family or lose a job because of it. I understand that in those instances we need to keep up appearances. But some people pretend to be someone else than who they really are. And not only sometimes but always. They are so out of touch with their true selves, that they don’t even know how to get back to just being themselves. That is so very sad.

Unfortunately there were times in my life where I too have pretended and had to be who I not really was. I have been in some relationships where I have tried to change myself to the person the man I was with wanted me to be. Sometimes the man in question literally demanded it from me, other times I thought he would like me better if I was just not me. I managed to do that, change myself, but eventually some of my true nature started to surface. I just could not keep my true self down, no matter how hard I tried. Sometimes it took me only a couple of weeks to rebel against not being myself and sometimes it took years. But I always returned to being who I truly am. And this always turned out to be a disaster. Maybe not so much for me, but definitely for the man in question, which ended in broken relationships.

After yet one more broken relationship, I was totally done with it. I was not looking for someone new in my life. No, I wanted to be myself, to enjoy my life, to live. And it was then that I met Master T. Without actually saying the words, he said this:

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight

He wanted me to be myself. He wanted to get to know ME and not the person I thought that He wanted me to be. In fact, we fell in love quite quickly, but because I came from a broken relationship, He actually pushed me away. He wanted me to learn how to stand on my own two feet before I would come to Him. All He wanted was for me to stay in contact with Him and tell Him everything I did. But He did not want a relationship, no matter how much I wanted it. Pushing me away was the best thing that He could have done for us. Since I did not have to try and be who I thought He wanted me to be, I could just be myself. I told Him about all the dirty things I did – an affair with a married colleague, dating and fucking with people I met online – and He was never shocked or judgmental. He actually appreciated my candor.

We loved each other long before we had a relationship. We knew each other long before we had a relationship. With Master T I never pretended. I never had to change myself. I could be me, just me.

And Him? Did I ever have to use these words:

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight

No never. I don’t think that Master T has ever once in His life pretended to be someone He is not. And He never will, that I know for sure.

It’s liberating to be in a relationship where I can just be myself. I have grown more and learned more about myself in the almost 11 years that I have been with Master T, than in the 3 x 11 years before that.

Have you allowed someone to see beneath your beautiful?

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was the song ‘Beneath Your Beautiful‘.
Click the button to see who else is playing or to link your own post.

Wicked Wednesday

18 thoughts on “Beneath your beautiful

  1. Mia says:

    We are so lucky to have these wonderful men in our lives so that we can be ourselves, our true selves….

    ~Mia~ xx

  2. I understand this completely, and had been in past relationships of a similar nature. To make it worse, I was them – I was very dependent in my other relationships of who I was and what I could accomplish, by choice. And then I met my military guy, who is so sincere. When he is deployed, or we are separated for long periods of time, I had to stand up on my own and figure things out. I am more independent now: both domestically and mentally, and because of that much more capable of emotional depth.

    • It sounds like life has allowed you to grow and become independent. I was slow in that, mainly because of many bad relationships. It’s only when I met Master T that I really started to get to know myself. It sounds like your military guy is perfect for you 🙂

      Rebel xox

  3. Twisted Angel says:

    Very few people have seen beneath my beautiful. Although I am pretty open and honest, if you don’t want the truth don’t ask me, I am hardest on myself. Feeling not society standards for beauty when I know that I should not judge myself that way either. Adore this piece and the truth it contains.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. Those people you have allowed to see beneath your beautiful are privileged people. And don’t be too hard on yourself, luv 🙂 xox

  4. Oh I spent so long hiding me, so long in fact that I nearly lost me… I had certainly forgotten about me but then something shifted and I knew I could not hide any longer. In the end I changed everything to find that truth about me and now I am with man who knows all of me, inside and out, I don’t have to hide anything anymore.

    Mollyxxx

  5. I learned after my first broken heart to just be who I am flanked by an amored public persona. As for those who get to see underneath they are few and far between but there has been a handful. For an open person I tend to be very gaurded with certian feelings.

    • I call myself an open person too, and I really am, but I too can guard my feelings, especially when I think I might be hurt. It happened too many times before that I have given all of myself and eventually was the one getting hurt. At this moment there are only two people on the face of this earth that know everything about me, but to all the others I do not pretend to be anyone else than I am. They either like me or not. If not, their loss 😉

      Rebel xox

  6. What a beautiful song and a sad but moving story. I’m guilty of pretending to be someone I’m not a lot, even now, I’m definitely working on it though and am determined to find someone who accepts me as I am.

  7. Kiki says:

    I have been hiding the beautiful beneath for so many years that it is almost like I am discovering an entirely new person inside me. Thank you Marie for sharing this

  8. Oh, that’s beautiful! and I’m so glad you have that with your Husband 🙂

    I’ve been hurt too by trying to be what I wasn’t for others. I still have to play that game in certain arenas.

    ~Kazi xxx

    • Sometimes there are situations in life where you cannot do anything else but pretend. I think I know which arena you mean, luv.
      But there are also many arenas where you can just be your wonderful self 🙂

      Rebel xox

  9. This is a very beautiful post. I think we all go through life at some point, trying to be someone we really aren’t just to keep someone in our lives or to attract someone. Or maybe it’s the pressures of friends, family, and society that does it to us. I’ve certainly had my share of bad relationship and a lot of it due to my not being who I truly am, but sometimes you don’t figure this out till much later in life. My husband and I found each other through these broken relationships and now we can be who we truly are with each other and even that changes all the time.

    • I too believe we all change all the time, but when the basis is strong, like between you and your husband and like between me and my Husband, then the changes feel natural and are more easily accepted. I hope that I would never ever have to pretend to be anyone else, but could always just be myself 🙂
      Thanks for your comment, Mina xox

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