Beneath your beautiful

beneathyourbeautifulFrom the first moment I heard this song, I was in love with it. Long before I even properly listened to the words. There was something in the song that caught and held my attention. And then I read the words, and if possible, I fell in love with the song even more.

And it made me think. It made me think of how many people are out there, keeping up appearances and not being who they truly are. Yes, sometimes we do have to keep up appearances, because society expects that of us. Unfortunately we cannot always speak openly about our preferences, because we might hurt family or lose a job because of it. I understand that in those instances we need to keep up appearances. But some people pretend to be someone else than who they really are. And not only sometimes but always. They are so out of touch with their true selves, that they don’t even know how to get back to just being themselves. That is so very sad.

Unfortunately there were times in my life where I too have pretended and had to be who I not really was. I have been in some relationships where I have tried to change myself to the person the man I was with wanted me to be. Sometimes the man in question literally demanded it from me, other times I thought he would like me better if I was just not me. I managed to do that, change myself, but eventually some of my true nature started to surface. I just could not keep my true self down, no matter how hard I tried. Sometimes it took me only a couple of weeks to rebel against not being myself and sometimes it took years. But I always returned to being who I truly am. And this always turned out to be a disaster. Maybe not so much for me, but definitely for the man in question, which ended in broken relationships.

After yet one more broken relationship, I was totally done with it. I was not looking for someone new in my life. No, I wanted to be myself, to enjoy my life, to live. And it was then that I met Master T. Without actually saying the words, he said this:

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight

He wanted me to be myself. He wanted to get to know ME and not the person I thought that He wanted me to be. In fact, we fell in love quite quickly, but because I came from a broken relationship, He actually pushed me away. He wanted me to learn how to stand on my own two feet before I would come to Him. All He wanted was for me to stay in contact with Him and tell Him everything I did. But He did not want a relationship, no matter how much I wanted it. Pushing me away was the best thing that He could have done for us. Since I did not have to try and be who I thought He wanted me to be, I could just be myself. I told Him about all the dirty things I did – an affair with a married colleague, dating and fucking with people I met online – and He was never shocked or judgmental. He actually appreciated my candor.

We loved each other long before we had a relationship. We knew each other long before we had a relationship. With Master T I never pretended. I never had to change myself. I could be me, just me.

And Him? Did I ever have to use these words:

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight

No never. I don’t think that Master T has ever once in His life pretended to be someone He is not. And He never will, that I know for sure.

It’s liberating to be in a relationship where I can just be myself. I have grown more and learned more about myself in the almost 11 years that I have been with Master T, than in the 3 x 11 years before that.

Have you allowed someone to see beneath your beautiful?

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was the song ‘Beneath Your Beautiful‘.
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Wicked Wednesday