Jan 092013
 

Months ago, when this idea popped into my head, I made a note about wanting to write about the different kinds of subs out there. Two years into this lifestyle, which also means two years into reading blogs and tweets of other submissives, have me amazed at the different kinds of people we are.

There’s Molly, a strong woman, in my eyes a leader in the sex blog community, married to her Dom and living a 24/7 D/s relationship. We have so many things in common, so many similar experiences. And, she’s sexy as hell. Mina is another strong woman and sub that I have been following almost from the moment that I started my blog. I have seen her struggle with her submission, leave it behind and return to it again. Mina is a sexy woman, very knowledgeable about D/s and when she writes about it, her words are clear and very easy to understand. Just like Molly, her honest words always touch me. Both of them have managed to get discussions going with their posts and this I truly admire.

Other subs I follow are Emily Daniel, who wants to submit to her vanilla husband. Together they are exploring his kinky side. Dirty Lola, Curvaceous Dee, Kazi, Phoenix, Just a girl, Mia, Plumptious Pea, The Winsome Gypsy, Being Blacksilk, GeekyNymph. Some of these ladies switch in their relationships. Others have take a step away from the lifestyle. Yet again others have recently found their new loves and it endears me to see them so incredibly happy. But one thing that stands out is that each and everyone of these woman are strong. They are creative in many ways ~ writing fantasies or poems, drawing, painting, photography or even just spotting the beautiful things in daily life. They are kind and friendly and respectful. Certainly a bunch of woman I like to talk to and I would like to meet all of them in real life.

While doing some research about different kinds of submissives, I came across a couple of interesting articles. One I really found interesting is one I stumbled upon on the website of Jenstalks. It was mainly the diagram in the post that drew my attention. Another article that sheds some light on the different kinds of submissives is the article on the Submissive Guide: The Many Faces of Submission. I don’t like to be put into a category, but it does shed some light onto the different kinds of submissives, especially for people who are new to the lifestyle. Some more information that caught my attention is the article about the different types of BDSM relationships. Yet again, wanting to put anything into a category is not the reason why I list this. The article does have some information in it that is interesting to read, especially if you have only just started your BDSM journey.

Other links you might want to follow:
Understanding Submission
The 9 levels of Submission
Different Types of Subs

This post is not to highlight the differences between subs. This post is also not about showing the comparisons between the different subs. This post is about the mentioned submissives and all other submissives out there all being individuals in their own right. They are all the same and they are all different. They are mothers and daughters. They are professionals working their daily jobs. They are friends to vanilla and kinky people. I love how each of them have her own personality, her own things that keep her busy, her own style of blogging, her own individuality. I love how they respectfully agree or disagree with others. I love how each of them love to help anyone who has questions about the lifestyle, but how they would not allow anyone to just bulldoze them into any kind of unwanted conversation.

This post is dedicated to all the wonderful subs out there. I am proud to be one of you!

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #different.
Click the button to see who else is playing or to link your own post.

Wicked Wednesday

Marie Rebelle
Marie Rebelle is an erotic author and the driving force behind Rebel's Notes. She is creator of the weekly meme, Wicked Wednesday and coordinator of a Dutch writers group. She lives in the Netherlands with her Husband and kids and besides being very busy with her website and writing stories, she has a fulltime job.
Marie Rebelle
Marie Rebelle

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  32 Responses to “Different kinds of submissives”

  1. Dear Rebel & other Ladies,

    Maybe it’s a bit risky to join this ladies’ discussion, me being a (submissive) male, but I’ll venture it. Rebel’s blog about different types of submissives triggered me, because it appealed to a subject I’m thinking of for quite a long time: who is really in charge? If you analyze it until rock bottom: who’s really the boss?

    I find it very meaningful that Rebel states that all of the women she mentions are STRONG women. Pro’s in their work, well-articulated in their blogs, smart, kind, tender & respectful. In my opinion that’s the profile of a real leader, a people’s manager, a nice boss. Or, in good American slang, a Mensch.
    I certainly am very happy being like that myself (at least: that’s what I hear from my friends) : kind & caring, making sure that my company is happy & satisfied, being a respectful & witty host, and make people feel that they are in charge. But… as it gets to it: I’m the one who sets the rules and I’m sure that I get what I want.

    I guess submissiveness is often equaled to weakness, but is that really so? Is the puppeteer steering the puppet, or is the puppet moving the arms of the puppeteer, or is it both happening at the same time? Maybe it’s bullshit what I just wrote and maybe I’m just not experienced enough in bdsm practice, but nevertheless I’m wondering.

    I think in reality – and especially in daily bdsm-life – it’s not a one dimensional story. Not: me boss, you slave! But far more a subtle and ever changing play in which the ‘leadership’ switches continuously. Am I making sense or is this total and utterly bullshit?

    Kind regards, Kinquie/Bart

  2. looking forward to following your article through its links. very thoughtful and non-judgemental.

  3. You hit the nail on the head we are all DIFFERENT and so many people don’t realise/forget/or whatever they do…..

    I am sub but I am also Domme = Switch – a label, as you know I do not like labels but to a degree sometimes there has to be something to explain. I am submissive but only to someone that I feel as a submissive deserves that submission and trust and therein lies the key to submissiveness TRUST if we cannot trust then how can we allow the person that we are, the individual, to emerge and be themselves in all their different ways with acceptance, non-judgement, care and respect.

    Thank you for writing such an eloquent piece on submission which is so often mis-understood in the BDSM as well as Vanilla world.

    ~Mia~ xx
    Mia recently posted..FacebookMy Profile

  4. Thank you for this post and the links.

    Maggi xx

  5. Such differences make it interesting to read the various blogs of people who share similar behaviors.
    Inferno recently posted..How long should intercourse last?My Profile

  6. I am flattered to be included in such great company, Rebel. Thank you. I am grateful that we have ‘met’ (online) as I consider you an amazing and strong woman in her own.
    iHotness recently posted..communityMy Profile

  7. Do you know what I love best about this community. I have been in the ‘vanilla mom blogs’ world for 5 years. I have followed more people than I will ever meet in real life. I can count on both hands the number of posts I wrote that got not one comment, not even an acknowledgement. Rarely does that happen on my adult blog. I have found people who will answer my questions, who hear my frustrations, who read my words and tell me they had an effect on them. It is the support that keeps me here, the support that the ‘mom blog’ world is lacking.
    Twisted Angel recently posted..Different as night and dayMy Profile

    • Oh I know exactly what you mean. I had the same in the art community and on my vanilla twitter. No comments, no conversations, no answers to my questions. That is so different from what I have found in this community, where I feel so incredibly welcome and loved.

      Rebel xox

  8. As you know I am running a session at Eroticon this year around busting the Myths of submissive woman. One of the keys things I want to get across is that no one type of submission is right and there is no hand book or manual for being sub. The other key point that I want to make is that the spectrums of submission are huge. For example some woman like pain, some crave pain, some HATE pain and would have it on their hard list but they are all sub.

    Thanks you for the links. There are a few there I do not know and so will have to have a read. I will say though that I HATE the 9 levels of submission on SO many levels. It implies that there is some form of hierarchy to the levels, especially when it uses the term psedo and ‘true’ *tries hard not to get very cross…. LOL

    The last line of you post bought tears to me eyes…. I am proud of us all too and proud to be a vocal part of this community

    Mollyxxx
    Molly recently posted..Think DifferentMy Profile

    • Oh believe me, some of the links I have posted definitely had me feeling irritation too. I definitely do not agree with everything in the posts, but what I totally agree with is that there are so many kinds of submissives. I look forward to your session at Eroticon!

      Rebel xox

  9. Thanks for the shout-out, love! :)
    I admire most all of the women you listed and and y’all help me gain that insight and perspective I mentioned in my post. Sometimes you’re on top of a discovery but you can’t appreciate the total impact until you read it in another’s words or see people’s comments on what you’ve just posted. That’s what community is all about :)

    ~Kazi xxx
    KaziGrrl recently posted..Meme-riesMy Profile

    • I totally agree with you. We help each other to understand ourselves. Reading about others’ experiences definitely has that effect on me. It makes me understand my own wants and needs better.

      Rebel xox

  10. A great post, Rebel – and thank you for the mention!

    But let’s not forget there are some wonderful submissive men out there – and that subs come in every gender flavour. Here are some male sub bloggers that I read and recommend checking out:
    ~ Severin (The Prattlings of a Pervert)
    ~ Peroxide (Submissive in Seattle)
    ~ Unspeakable Axe
    ~ Pure Liquid Kink

    xx Dee
    Curvaceous Dee recently posted..Intriguing Reading #50My Profile

    • Thanks for the links, Dee. Indeed, there are some wonderful submissive men out there, some beautiful personalities!

      Rebel xox

  11. Oh my golly gosh, this post almost makes me want to cry! I share your feelings about the wonderful differences and strengths and humour, kindness, and gentility in the community.

    It is a shame teleportation hasn’t been invented yet because it would be wonderful if we could all have a party together. Maybe one of us will win the lottery…

    (PS You should also realize that you are now one of the blogging leaders… congrats!)
    Emily recently posted..101 Things in 1001 Days: The LaunchMy Profile

    • And your PS nearly made me cry. Thank you so much sweets, this is a HUGE compliment!

      Maybe we should start working on the invention of teleportation so we all can get together!

      Rebel xox

  12. This is a lovely post and I am honored to have been included in it. Thank you.
    Mina Lamieux recently posted..Misconceptions of Dating Polyamorous WomenMy Profile

  13. An outstanding piece of writing. Fascinating to read and so considered and, actually true. You are all indeed lovely and kind and welcoming and nurturing and, something so few outside this world would realise, strong! xxx
    Curious Muse recently posted..The zip.My Profile

  14. I’m so glad you posted this. I can’t wait to read all the links you posted. All the ladies you mentioned I love too.
    Kim recently posted..Walk of no-shameMy Profile

  15. There is a great book out there dedicated to submissive women in a hetero relationship. This is very rare.
    It is called Conquer Me and it is by Kasey Cunningham. Loved the book myself. Lightbulbs kept popping up everywhere.

  16. Thank you for this wonderful article Rebel. I am reading all the links and learning from everyone’s insights and experiences.

    Luise :)
    Agatha-luise recently posted..Inside A Virgin’s Mind: The SubconsciousMy Profile

    • You are welcome! It’s interesting to read what others have written about this subject, but in the end it’s what you make of it, right?

      Rebel xox

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