Submission: Is this what I want?

It was close to 2am on Saturday morning in the second weekend of November when we at last went upstairs. I knew I could not go to sleep immediately and I did not want to, because Master T. first had to make some photos of my bottom, as we were keeping track of the healing process after our fun weekend with Master R. and Dena. He told me to put on my new shoes – one of my two pairs of Iron Fist shoes.

While I was waiting for Him, laying on bed on my stomach, my feet in high heels and my legs slightly spread, I realized that I was horny. Oh, I knew I was before we came upstairs, but at that moment I realized that I was more horny than I was tired. Master T. entered the room and soon the camera was clicking away. When He told me to spread my legs, I spread them wider than was actually necessary. His hand touched my pussy lips.

Several minutes later I was on my back, my legs spread wide. Master T. was laying between my legs, pushing one finger deep into my wetness and spreading my juices towards my clitoris. One finger became two, three. One orgasm became two, three and more. I had carte blanch with orgasms – I did not need to ask for permission. It was because Master T. wanted to talk to me. It was a continuance of a conversation that had started downstairs.

“Is this the road you want to walk?” He asked as His fingers moved in and out of my very wet pussy.
I looked at Him quizzically, trying to understand the meaning of His question.
“Our D/s relationship… Is this what you really want?” He asked and I immediately nodded.
“Yes, this is what I want. Why are you asking?” Fear sort of gripped my heart. I was afraid that He might have His doubts.
“This is the last time I will check this with you. That is the only reason why I am asking.”
I nodded again.
“You can expect to get more rules and regulations for you to follow. You will submit to me fully. I will expect a lot more from you than I have up to now. Total obedience.”
I nodded again and sighed as another orgasm swept through my body.
“You have grown so much in the last months, weeks. I have witnessed that last weekend,” He said.
Again I just nodded, waiting for His next words.
“There will be new demands. And they will not all be easy. You will grow more. You will do what I ask of you without hesitation. You will become my perfect sub, my perfect slave, my perfect slut,” He said as His fingers brought me to another squirting orgasm.

After more orgasms – mine and His – I asked Him the same. I wanted to know if this was what He wanted.
“Yes,” He said without any hesitation, “I believe that I have found my true self.”
There was a smile on my face when I fell asleep with my head on His shoulder and His arm around me.

Of course I thought back to this conversation the following day. I have never really stopped to think about it before (stupid, I know) but of course all of this was new to Master T. too when we embarked on this journey. He too had to grow into His role, the same I had to grow into mine. In the beginning of our D/s journey we knew for sure that He is dominant and I am submissive. There was absolutely no doubt about that. But of course both of us wondered whether we would be able to live our D/s relationship with kids in the house, two fulltime jobs, family to consider and who knows what other thoughts have crossed our minds. I express my thoughts on this blog, but Master T. only speaks to me about it. I am not the only one who have learned a lot over the last two years. He has too.

I smiled again when I remembered His words: I believe that I have found my true self. Yes, I believe He has. He is in touch with His dominant side. He always has been. The signs have always been there, but now He can act on it too. The same way I am in touch with the submissive in me and thanks to Master T. am allowed to let her out. To be her. To be who I believe I truly am. So I asked myself: is this what I really want? And I came back to just one answer: Yes.

I believe that we are standing at a door, ready to open it and enter. This door will lead us to another phase in our D/s relationship. I believe that it will enrich our lives even more. That there will be a deepening in my submission. That Master T. will claim me as His even more than He has done before. And I am ready. Ready because I know He will always keep me safe, will always love me, will always be at my side. Yes, to me He is a true dominant, my dominant, and I feel privileged that I could give Him the gift of my submission.

© Rebel’s Notes

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday was #want.
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